Quiet Virtue: The Conscientious

    The everyday signs of conscientiousness (认真尽责)—being punctual, careful in doing work, self-disciplined, and scrupulous (一丝不苟的) in attending to responsibilities—are typical characteristics of the model organizational citizen, the people who keep things running as they should. They follow the rules, help out, and are concerned about the people they work with. It's the conscientious worker who helps newcomers or updates people who return after an absence, who gets to work on time and never abuses sick leaves, who always gets things done on deadline.

    Conscientiousness is a key to success in any field. In studies of job performance, outstanding effectiveness for almost all jobs, from semi-skilled labor to sales and management, depends on conscientiousness. It is particularly important for outstanding performance in jobs at the lower levels of an organization: the secretary whose message taking is perfect, the delivery truck driver who is always on time.

    Among sales representatives for a large American car manufacturer, those who were most conscientious had the largest volume of sales. Conscientiousness also offers a buffer (缓冲) against the threat of job loss in today's constantly changing market, because employees with this quality are among the most valued. For the sales representatives, their level of conscientiousness mattered almost as much as their sales in determining who stayed on.

    There is an air around highly conscientious people that makes them seem even better than they actually are. Their reputation for dependability influences managers' evaluations of their work, giving them higher evaluations than objective measures of their performance would predict.

    But conscientiousness in the absence of social skills can lead to problems. Since conscientious people demand so much of themselves, they can hold other people to their own standards, and so be overly judgmental when others don't show the same high levels of model behavior. Factory workers in Great Britain and the United States who were extremely conscientious, for example, tended to criticize co-workers even about failures that seemed unimportant to those they criticized, which damaged their relationships.

    When conscientiousness takes the form of living up to expectations, it can discourage creativity. In creative professions like art or advertising, openness to wild ideas and spontaneity (自发性) are scarce and in demand. Success in such occupations calls for a balance, however; without enough conscientiousness to follow through, people become mere dreamers, with nothing to show for their imaginativeness.

    It's nice being nice to others; it's also great to give people a hand. However, if you start to hurt yourself by doing so, then this is not so healthy.{#blank#}1{#/blank#}If you fear that you might fall into this category, the following tips will help you to stand up for yourself and regain your self-confidence.

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    Although you may often stay silent if something is wrong or bothers you, it is better to speak your mind right away. You don't have to be rude, but you do have to be firm and direct. Don't do things for others if you don't really want to. Speak up, and soon others will be seeing you in a whole new light.

    Start small.

    {#blank#}3{#/blank#}This will allow you to practice being brave and self-confident. Tell a person who has cut in line in front of you to move to the back of the line, or tell a salesperson to do that. Before long, you will be confident enough to stand up to your friends and family members.

    Judge well.

    When dealing with others, you have to exercise good judgment. {#blank#}4{#/blank#}If a colleague isn't doing his part, you should rightfully demand that he start doing so. However, if a taxi cuts you off in traffic, just let it go.

    {#blank#}5{#/blank#}Rome wasn't built in a day. If you want to get back again after having been a pushover(耳软心活的人), it's best to take one step at a time.

A. Express yourself.

B. Regain your confidence.

C. Start by speaking up for yourself with strangers.

D. Everyone has the right to live without being judged.

E. If you slip back into the pushover mode every once in a while, don't blame yourself.

F. Sadly, some people are so easily pushed around that they come to be seen as pushovers.

G. It's one thing to be confident, but quite another to forcefully say no to an unreasonable request.

    Daily overuse of media and technology has a bad effect on the health of all children and teenagers by making them more open to anxiety, and more at risk of future health problems.{#blank#}1{#/blank#} Many newer apps automatically show where the users are when they're used. This can tell anyone out there exactly where to find the person using the app.

    {#blank#}2{#/blank#}They are also upset about their kids spending time on Facebook accounts instead of getting down to their homework assignments, and are afraid of what can come out of their online connections.

    {#blank#}3{#/blank#} One way is to make a “social media agreement” with your kids—a real contract they can sign. In it, they can agree to protect their own privacy, consider their reputation, and not give out personal information.{#blank#}4{#/blank#}

    In turn, parents agree to respect teens' privacy while making an effort to be part of the social media world. Parents also can help kids spend less time on the computer by putting limits on media use.{#blank#}5{#/blank#}Avoid laptops and smartphones in bedrooms, and set some rules on the use of technology. And don't forget that setting a good example through your own virtual behavior can go a long way toward helping your kids use social media safely.

A. Trust their children more.

B. Keep computers in public areas in the house.

C. It's important to be aware of what your kids are doing online.

D. Besides, they promise never to use technology to hurt anyone else.

E. Spending too much time on social media can make kids feel upset, too.

F. Kids also can face the possibility of meeting the wrong person lace to face.

G. Parents often say that kids would rather be online than hang around with them.

注意：每个空格只填1个单词。

    We all need to feel understood, recognized and affirmed by our friends, family and romantic partners. We all need to find our tribe.

    Research has shown that among the benefits that come with being in a relationship or group, feeling accepted is regarded as the most important driver of meaning. When other people think you matter and treat you as if you matter, you believe you matter, too.

    Though we all share a need to belong, in the first decades of the 20th century, many influential psychologists and physicians did not acknowledge this fundamental aspect of human nature. The idea that children needed parental love and care to live a full and meaningful life was not only considered medically dangerous, but also dismissed as immoral and disgusting.

    As behavioral psychology came into fashion and academic psychologists turned their attention to child- raising, this view shifted and they began to examine and affirm the vital importance of attachment in early life. They discovered that people, whatever their age, needed more than food and shelter to live full and healthy lives.

    But, sadly, many of us lack close ties. At a time when we are more connected digitally than ever before, rates of social isolation are rising. The results of an Age UK poll published recently suggest that half a million people over the age of 60 usually spend each day alone, and it's not unusual for another half a million people to go without someone to speak to for five or six days. All these figures reveal more than a rise in loneliness — they reveal a lack of meaning in people's lives. In surveys, we list our close relationships as our most important sources of meaning. Research shows that people who are lonely and isolated feel their lives are less meaningful.

    While close relationships are critical for living a meaningful life, they are not the only important social bonds we need to cultivate. Psychologists have also discovered the value of small moments of intimacy. “High-quality connections”, as one researcher calls them, are positive, short-term interactions between two people when a couple holds hands on a walk or when two strangers have an empathetic(移情作用的) conversation on a plane. High-quality connections have the potential to unlock meaning in our interactions with acquaintances, colleagues and strangers. We can't control whether someone will make a high-quality connection with us, but we can all choose to start one. We can say hello to a stranger on the street rather than look away. We can choose to value people rather than devalue them. We can invite people to belong.

Dealing with Difficult Relationships

    Everyone has at least one awkward or tense relationship. {#blank#}1{#/blank#} It may be with somebody who will use up your energy whenever you are with them. Or worse, it could be someone who always cuts you down. By persuading you it's your obligation or duty, you forget about your own needs. Sadly, by remaining loyal to these people, you forget who you are. {#blank#}2{#/blank#} No matter who they are, it's necessary that you learn to set boundaries (界限) for yourself. It is you who allow them to take advantage of you or even belittle you.

    If you find a relationship unhealthy and it's time for you to set boundaries, the following advice may be helpful.

    Setting boundaries for difficult relationships starts by admitting how you are affected by the relationships. {#blank#}3{#/blank#} For example, it's time to study for tomorrow's test. But your friend wants to take you to a party. Here, setting boundaries will help protect your academic goals. Someone who pressures you to something you're not comfortable doing will stress you out. {#blank#}4{#/blank#}

Next, decide how much time you should spend with these people. {#blank#}5{#/blank#} But it's difficult to help others if you forget to protect your own priority (优先次序).

    Settling boundaries requires taking a long, honest look at yourself. By saying no to harmful patterns in relationships, you say “yes” to a healthier you.

A. Does this kind of relationship lower your self-respect?

B. These people may be your family members or even friends.

C. It's easy to spend too much time and energy offering them help.

D. People may try to keep you in an unhealthy relationship.

E. But a friend who considers how you feel will respect your willingness to try something new.

F. It's not easy to set boundaries because you may be afraid of losing them.

G. Do they bring you closer to your goals or pull you farther away?