It's generally believed that people act the way they do because of their personalities and attitudes. They recycle their garbage because they care about the environment. They pay $5 for a caramel brulee latte because they like expensive coffee drinks.

    It's undeniable that behavior comes from our inner dispositions（性情）, but in many instances we also draw inferences about who we are, as suggested by the social psychologist Daryl Bern, by observing our own behavior. We can be strangers to ourselves. If we knew our own minds, why should we need to guess what our preferences are from our behavior? If our minds were an open book, we would know exactly how much we care about the environment or like lattes. Actually, we often need to look to our behavior to figure out who we are.

Moreover, we don't just use our behavior to learn about our particular types of character — we infer characters that weren't there before. Our behavior is often shaped by little pressures around us, which we fail to recognize. Maybe we recycle because our wives and neighbors would disapprove if we didn't. Maybe we buy lattes in order to impress the people around us. We should not mistakenly believe that we always behave as a result of some inner disposition.

Whatever pressures there can be or inferences one can make, people become what they do, though it may not be in compliance（符合）with their true desires. Therefore, we should all bear in mind Kurt Vonnegut's advice: “We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.”

    A sense of humor is something highly valued. A person who has a great sense of humor is often considered to be happy and socially confident. However, humor is a double-edged sword. Sometimes it can damage self-respect and annoy others.

    People who use bonding humor tell jokes and generally lighten the mood. They're thought to be good at reducing the tension in uncomfortable situations. They often make fun of their common experiences, and sometimes they may even laugh off their own misfortunes. The basic message they deliver is: We're all alike, we find the same things funny, and we're all in this together.

    Put-down humor, on the other hand, is an aggressive type of humor used to criticize others through teasing. When it's aimed against politicians, as it often is, it's extremely funny and mostly harmless. But in the real world, it may have a harmful effect. An example of such humor is telling friends an embarrassing story about another friend. When challenged about their teasing, the put-down jokers might claim that they are "just kidding," thus allowing themselves to avoid responsibility. This type of humor, though considered by some people to be socially acceptable, may hurt the feelings of the one being teased and thus have a bad effect on personal relationships.

    Finally, in hate-me humor, the joker is the target of the joke for the amusement of others. This type of humor was used by comedians John Belushi and Chris Farley—both of whom suffered for their success in show business. A small amount of such humor is charming, but routinely offering oneself up to be embarrassed destroys one's self-esteem, and fosters depression and anxiety.

    So it seems that being funny isn't necessarily an indicator of good social skills and well-being. In certain cases, it may actually have a negative effect on interpersonal relationships.

    Americans, especially the millennials（千禧一代）, are always glued（固着于）to their phones. A common day of the average university student in America starts off like this: an alarm clock wakes you up, which is quickly followed by checking social media such as Twitter and Facebook. Once in classes, you are again attracted by your buzzing phone and access to the Internet rather than pay attention to the lecturing professor. Then you have lunch with some friends, only to look up from your screen to realize that no one has said a word in five minutes and instead all are looking at their phones. Once the day ends, you can't help checking all forms of social media again before finally being able to shut your eyes only to repeat this vicious cycle the next day.

    Cyberbullying（网络霸凌）, a concept unknown before, is now in fashion. Many of the millennials are using the Internet to make jokes about others to points of extremes. The Internet gives cowards bravery; people feel like their actions and words have no bad results because they cannot see the ache it causes another.

    Millennials also think that whatever information shows up on their screens must be taken as truth, whether the material is reliable（可靠的）or not.

    Social media is not all bad, however. People are still able to use social media to connect with friends and family who live a great distance away. With a few clicks of a button, someone could make another person smile, or give words of hope and encouragement to a friend in need, or even help repair a broken relationship. Cyberspace is a vortex（漩涡）that is easy to get caught up in, but we must find a balance to keep both feet in reality while traveling across the online world.

    Electric devices can seem like a “third party” in some relationships because some partners spent more time on them than with each other.

    When Amanda Gao, a 26-year-old white collar worker in Beijing, went to a hotpot restaurant with her boyfriend on Friday night several weeks ago, she expected that they would have a good time together. To her disappointment, however, it did not turn out that later. As soon as they were led to their seats and she began to order dishes, he buried himself in his mobile phone.

    “It seemed that his phone was making its way between us. A date that should have belonged to us turned into one where my boyfriend dated a third party and I felt left out.” Gao said. Some people, like her, have found electronics have been sabotaging(破坏) their romantic relationships.

    A study, published in the journal Psychology of Popular Media Culture, in April, 2017, questioned nearly 200 college aged adults who were in committed(真诚的) relationships to report on their and their partner's smartphone dependency. The results showed people who were more dependent on their phones were less sure about their relationships, and people considered their partners excessively(过度地) dependent on their devices were less satisfied in their relationship.

    Lin Yuan, a relationship advisor in Beijing, noted that as more and more electronics come out and spice up people's lives, they are at the same time becoming a third party in relationships, especially for young people.

    Lin said she knew of some people who suggest that electronics should be kept out of bedrooms, which she considered challenging and hard to be put into practice for most couples. She recommended that if people are feeling neglected in their relationship, they need to respectfully let their partners know their feeling. “Communication is always the best and the most efficient way.” she said.

    Not all think laughter is the best medicine, but it seems to help. So scientists carried on a new study of diabetes (糖尿病) patients who were given a good dose of humor for a year to prove it.

    Researchers divided 20 high­risk diabetic patients into two groups. Both groups were given standard diabetes medicine. Group L viewed 30 minutes of humor of their choice, while Group C. the control group. did not. This went on for a year of treatments.

    By two months into the study. the patients in the laughter group had lower level of the hormones epinephrine (肾上腺素), considered to cause stress. which is known to be deadly. After the 12 months. HDL cholesterol rises 26 percent in Group L but only 3 percent in Group C. In another measure. C­reactive proteins, a maker of heart disease. drop 66 percent in the laughter group but only 26 percent in the control group.

    “The best doctors believe that there is a physical good brought about by the positive emotion, happy laughter. ”said study leader Lee Berk of Loma Linda University. And other research has found that humor makes us more hopeful. Still, more study is needed, Berk said. The research by Berk found that humor can bring about similar changes in body chemistry. which was proved in the new study. The research result will be presented this month at the meeting in the US. Research at the University of Maryland School of Medicine shows that laughter causes the inner lining of blood vessels to expand. increasing blood flow in a way thought to be healthy.

    “Lifestyle choices have an important effect on health and these are choices which we and patients should pay attention to. rather than prevention and treatment,”Berk said in a statement this week.

    We moved to Elmont in 1956. I was 4 years old. Elmont was a wonderful place to grow up. There were lots of kids, great schools and we had a big yard. My father, Nicholas Denaro, believed that grass was not just to look at, but that children were meant to play on it. We played games and badminton there. A white fence separated our backyard from a small wood. My friends and I jumped the fence and entered the woods.

    My father had the most amazing hand. He could fix anything. He gave those amazing hands to his son, my younger brother, Frank, who also became handy around the house. But my father saved his green fingers for me. He grew flowers, tomatoes, strawberries and figs（无花果） and he shared his love of gardening with me.

    Fourteen years ago, I went to a local nursery and bought a fig tree for Dad for Father's Day. My mother, Bridget Denaro, called it the best gift I could have given him. He planted it exactly in the middle of the front yard.

    He loved that tree and enjoyed delicious figs every year, except just after Sandy hit in 2012. He was so disappointed when cold weather just after the super storm froze all the remaining figs.

In 2015, my father died of aspirating pneumonia(呼吸性肺炎) at 97. We sold our family home of 61 years last year. We left behind Dad's tree, full of figs waiting to ripen. We considered taking it with us, but decided that his Father's Day fig tree belonged to Elmont. The new owner generously allowed me to take some branches so that I could have a precious reminder of my much-loved father and the Elmont home.