Zebra crossings－the alternating dark and light stripes on the road surface－are meant to remind drivers that pedestrians may be trying to get across. Unfortunately, they are not very effective. A 1998 study done by the Department of Traffic Planning and Engineering at Sweden's Lund University revealed that three out of four drivers maintained the same speed or even speeded up as they were approaching a crossing. Even worse, only 5% stopped even when they saw someone trying to get across.

    Now a mother-daughter team in Ahmedabad, India has come up with a clever way to get drivers to pay more attention－a 3-D zebra crossing with an optical illusion (视错觉).

    Artists Saumya Pandya Thakkar and Shakuntala Pandya were asked to paint the crosswalks by IL&FS, an Indian company that manages the highways in Ahmedabad. The corporation was looking for a creative solution to help the city's residents to cross the busy accident-prone  (易出事故的) roads safely. Thakkar and Pandya, who had previously seen images of 3-D zebra crossings that gave drivers the illusion of logs(原木)of wood on the streets in Taizhou, China, decided to test if a similar way would work in India.

    Sure enough, in the six months that the 3-D crosswalks have been painted across four of the city's most dangerous highways, there have been no accidents reported! The artists say that while it may appear that the zebra crossing could cause the drivers to brake suddenly and endanger the vehicles behind, such is not the case. Because of the way the human eye works, the illusion is only visible from a distance. As they get closer, the painting looks just like any other ordinary zebra crossing. The creators hope that their smart design will become increasingly common throughout India and perhaps even the world. So let's look forward to it.

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    Suppose you are a visitor in the land of Mongolia, some friends ask you to eat with them. What kind of manners do they want you to have? They want you to give a loud burp after you finish eating. Burping would show that you like your food. In some countries, if you give a big burp, you are told to say “Excuse me, please”.

    In many places people like to eat together. But in some parts of Polynesia it is bad manners to be seen eating at all. People show their good manners by turning their backs on others while they eat.

    What are manners like in an East African town? The people try not to see you. They are being polite. You may see a friend. He may not see you at all. If you are polite, you will sit down beside him. You will wait until he finishes what he is doing. Then he will talk to you. Manners are different all over the world. But it is good to know that all manners begin in the same way. People need ways to show that they want to be friends.

    Cassie Warren and Jesse Jones will always have a great story to tell their kids about the kindness of strangers and how one stranger in particular made their wedding planning that much sweeter.

    A few weeks ago, as Warren was addressing wedding invitations for her upcoming wedding, she mistakenly used an old address for her aunt and uncle in nearby Eugene, Oregon. But when a stranger received the misaddressed mail, she didn't just throw it in the garbage like many people would have done. Instead, she returned the invitation, along with a sweet note and $20 as a wedding present.

The sender also wrote "Live long and prosper." on the comer of the card—words from "Star Trek", probably because the young couple's wedding invitation shows Jesse holding a light knife from "Star Wars" and Cassie holding a wand (魔杖) in a nod to the "Harry Potter" books.

    The generous stranger also included $20, probably as a little gift for the wedding. The young couple put the money to good use by going out to dinner with a friend who wouldn't be able to attend the wedding.

    Warren said that she was at first confused by the returned wedding invitation. "But after I saw the note, I was just surprised and blessed that she/he would do that for a stranger," Warren said. "Jesse was confused at first, too-he wondered why someone had sent us money, then I read the message to him, and he was shocked and grateful."

    Warren and Jones still don't know the name of the kind stranger, but Warren sent a thank-you note to the same address to let the sender know how much her/his generosity was appreciated. The young couple plan to marry in June and thanks to the kindness of a stranger, their marriage is already off to a sweet start.

    Sheffield

    Lincoln College of English

    Classes for foreign students at all levels.

    3 months, 6 months, 9 months and one year course.

    Open all year.

    Small class (at most 12 students).

    Library, language laboratory and listening center.

    Accommodation (住宿) with selected families.

    25 minutes from London.

    Course fees for English for one year are ￡ 1,380 with reduction for shorter periods of study.

    In China, chain restaurants especially the big multinational ones are cool. Going to Starbucks, for example, is a status symbol. It not only says, "I'm rich enough to buy this overpriced coffee, "but also, "I'm cosmopolitan (见多识广的) enough to be part of globalization."

    Where I come from in the UK, however, chains are neither fashionable nor gourmet (美食的). Chains are where you go on New Year's Day when nowhere else is open, or when you are 5 years old and your parents can't stand hearing, "I'm hungry!" any longer. In my own case (with regards to McDonald's), a chain is where you are taken on your first "date". Even at the age of 13, I knew to give the guy the "let's just be friends" phone call the next day.

    In the UK, independent cafes and restaurants are making a comeback on the fashion scene. Nowadays, a Londoner who says "let's meet for a coffee at Monmouth" (an independent café) is much cooler than one who says "let's go to Starbucks". Even if Monmouth's coffee is a little more expensive, there's a satisfaction in knowing your pounds aren't going straight to the big corporations.

    Of course, there are chain stores all over the UK; you can't go five minutes without spotting a Costa Coffee. But numbers do not add up to good taste.

    I do, however, have a confession (坦白). After moving to China I had moments when all the rice and Kung Pao Chicken became too much. I, too, have retreated to McDonald's.

    Convincing someone to change their mind is really the process of convincing them to change their tribe (部落). If they abandon their beliefs, they run the risk of losing social ties. You can't expect someone to change their mind if you take away their community too.

    The way to change people's minds is to become friends with them, to combine them into your tribe, to bring them into your circle. Now, they can change their beliefs without the risk of being abandoned socially.

    The British philosopher Alain de Botton suggests that we simply share meals with those who disagree with us: "Sitting down at a table with a group of strangers has the incomparable and odd benefit of making it a little more difficult to hate them without punishment. Prejudice and conflict between groups of people from different nations or races feed off abstraction. However, during a meal, something about handing dishes around, unfolding napkins (餐巾纸) at the same moment, even asking a stranger to pass the salt makes us less likely to hold the belief that the outsiders who wear unusual clothes and speak in distinctive accents deserve to be sent home or attacked. For all the large-scale political solutions which have been proposed to ease racial or cultural conflict, there are few more effective ways to promote tolerance between suspicious neighbours than to force them to eat supper together."

    Perhaps it is not difference, but distance that produces tribalism and unfriendliness. As proximity increases, so does understanding. I am reminded of Abraham Lincoln's quote, "I don't like that man. I must get to know him better." Facts don't change our minds. Friendship does.

    The Japanese writer Haruki Murakami once wrote, "Always remember that to argue, and win, is to break down the reality of the person you are arguing against. It is painful to lose your reality, so be kind, even if you are right."

    When we are in the moment, we can easily forget that the goal is to connect with the other side, cooperate with them, befriend them, and integrate them into our tribe. We are so caught up in winning that we forget about connecting. It's easy to spend your energy labeling people rather than working with them.

    The word "kind (family and relatives)" originated from the word "kin (old fashion of family and relatives)." When you are kind to someone, it means you are treating them like family. This, I think, is a good method for actually changing someone's mind. Develop a friendship. Share a meal. Gift a book. Be kind first, be right later.