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In the
eyes of many foreigners, Chinese are the best hosts and the worst guests in the
world. They are not really bad guests, but because the guest-host relationship
in China is different from that in some western countries, it appears they are
not nice guests. And Western hosts sometimes look rude in the eyes of Chinese
guests.
In China,
guests are the most important people. Whenever I enter a Chinese person's home,
there is always fruit on the table for me, and someone is quick to bring me a cup
of tea or water. But in the west, acting according to the host's way of doing
things is usual behavior for a guest.
My wife's
mother, a very kind elderly Chinese lady, doesn't smoke. When I see some of her
guests smoking in her house, as a non-smoker, I feel unhappy. I usually want to
stop them directly, but I must realize that in China, to be a good host, she
must not do that. In most North American homes, if you are a guest, and the
host are not smokers, you should not smoke in their house. At the very least, you
could ask, "Is it Ok if I smoke here?" But, don't be surprised if
they say, "No, you can't smoke." In our culture, if you smoke in
their house, you are a bad guest, but if they don't allow you to smoke in their
house, they are not a rude host.
Guests in China
also have special habits. Some Western people may not adapt to these
habits very soon. Thankfully my wife is Chinese, so whenever we visit a Chinese
family she tells me to buy them a gift. However, giving a gift to a host is not
always necessary in my country. So, if you invite international guests to your
house, don't be too surprised if they don't bring you a gift.
In China,
you probably won't need to change the guest-host relationship very much because
you will probably only be the host, and Chinese are naturally very good hosts.
If Western hosts invite you to their house, try not to be too surprised if
their style of treating you is not what you have expected.