A Blessed Teacher

    I remembered Ricky came back to see me ten years after he was in my class. He told me how I had inadvertently(不经意地) changed his life.

    Ricky often gazed out the window during one of my ninth-grade history classes early in my teaching career. He was quiet, and his good grades and mild manner were why I did not move him away from the seat by the window.

    One day, I leaned over his shoulder and quietly asked, “What are you looking at? You gaze out of this window during every class.”

    He said, “I am looking at the band.”

    According to Ricky, I said, “If you like the band so much that you have to look at them during this class every day, I want you to go down to Mr. Overby (the band teacher) and tell him that I sent you. Tell him that you want to be in the band. Now turn around and finish working before the bell rings.”

    The next day Ricky went to Mr. Overby and told him I had sent him and he wanted to be in the band. He added that he did not know how to play any instrument.

    When Ricky visited me ten years later, he thanked me for telling him to go to Mr. Over by because he fell in love with music and discovered his musical talent that had not been tapped. His musical talent resulted in him getting a scholarship to college and earning a degree that now allowed him to provide for his family. Most of all, music had brought great pleasure and satisfaction to his life.

    After Ricky thanked me, I pointed out that he did all of the hard work it took to become the wonderfully talented person that he was. I did not make him walk downstairs to join the band, practice his instrument, and get the good grades that led to his college scholarship.

    Ricky responded that I could have yelled at him for looking out the window. Instead, I gave him an alternative that changed his whole life.

    After he left, I thought about his words. I realized that I was teaching children with every word I said, every action I took, and with every decision I made. Ricky's story raised my teaching bar. Most of all, I have never forgotten the lesson Ricky taught me, a blessed teacher.

    My 17-year-old daughter went off to college and having her away from home brought back memories of watching Peter Pan when she was little. In the classic TV production, one scene in particular impressed me: when Mrs. Darling puts her children into bed. As she turns off the last of the night light, she takes one last look at the bedroom and says, “Dear night lights, protect my sleeping children.” As a mother, I know how much she loves her children.

    It has been several weeks since we took our daughter to college and she seems to be adjusting well after a short period of homesickness. For us, though, it's another story. Like most parents, I love checking in on my children at night. But now she's gone, and I find night times the hardest. I miss her most at night.

    In my neighborhood, most of the parents whose kids are off to college are dealing with similar melancholy. My husband is filled with anxiety. One friend talked about getting this sick feeling in her stomach as she prepared for the college drop off. We complained that many of us were too busy to truly enjoy being with our children while we had them.

    For us moms, seeing Toy Story 3 only made the sadness worse as we watched the character Andy, who is the same age as our kids, say goodbye to his childhood as he prepares to leave for college. And it's not just “first-time” parents like me. Two moms who have kids already well into college said the separation didn't get any easier. You feel like something has been taken away from inside you,” said one of them.

    I imagine things will get easier with time, especially as I see my daughter adjust to college life. Meanwhile, as I keep my cell phone close to me in bed and text my daughter goodnight and sweet dreams every night, I like to think that messages serve as a night light that keeps her safe.

Dear Rose,

    My brother is often in a bad mood, which makes me in a bad mood. What should I do?

Jenny,

    It can be hard to be around someone who is in a bad mood. Since you can't change another person's mood, try to focus on what you can control: your own mood and reaction.

    You might find it easier to stay in a good mood if you leave your brother alone when he feels grumpy (脾气暴躁的). The next time he is in a bad mood, go to a quiet place in your house. Read, exercise, draw, listen to music — do something that makes you feel happy.

    Your parents might have some good suggestions for you, too.

Dear Rose,

   I play soccer, but sometimes I play badly. How can I do better? Jarom,

    To be good at anything, determination and practice are important. Listen closely to your coach, watch other players, then practice, practice, practice! Professional athletes continue to practice their sports each day, knowing that if they start to get lazy, they won't keep or develop their skills.

    In addition to practicing with teammates, you can work on drills on your own.

    Learning more about the sport may help too. Your coach can likely direct you to some good resources on skills development.

Dear Rose,

    I was moved up a grade a few years ago. Now, almost everyone in my previous grade asks me why. It wouldn't be a problem, except some boys ask over and over just to be annoying. What do I do?

Allison (by email)

    If you're sure that they are trying to be annoying, you might respond with something humorous. For example, you could say something like "They told me that the lunch lines would be shorter." Use the situation to turn annoying questions into something to laugh about.

    Some people seem to have extraordinary memories. Zheng Aiqiang, a "memory athlete" on TV show Super Brain, can remember 2,660 numbers in just one hour!

    You would think people like this have special brains. But according to a recent study by researchers from the US and the Netherlands, the brain structures of ordinary people and 23 of the world's leading memory athletes show no difference.

    That's because good memories can be trained. New research in the journal Neuron(神经元期刊) suggests that you can become a super memorizer with just six weeks of hard training.

    Researchers found that technique(技巧) called loci, invented by ancient Greeks, can greatly help improve memory. By using loci, you are using your imagination to improve the brain's memory networks. You can link(关联) something you need to remember with a place that you know very well. For example, to remember a list of numbers, imagine yourself walking through your house. Each thing is linked to a number. For example, zero could be handle(把手) on the door and five could be the painting on the wall.

    In one study, some ordinary people were given 20 minutes to remember 72 words. First they could only remember 26 of them. But when they were taught loci, they could remember 62 words.

    "Not everyone can become a memory champion. But everyone using the technique can improve a lot from the level they're at," said Boris Konrad, one of the researchers in the study.

    Writing Contests, Grants & Awards in 2019 The Writing Contests, Grants （补助金） & Awards database includes details about the creative writing contests-including poetry contests, short story competitions, essay contests, awards for novels, and more-that we've published in "Poets & Writers Magazine" during the past year. We carefully review the practices and policies of each contest before including it. Use the online submission system.

    Catherine Doctorow Innovative Fiction Prize

    A prize of $15，000 is given annually for a novel, or a story collection. U.S. writers who have published at least three books of fiction are qualified. Submit a manuscript （手稿） of any length, a brief biography, and a list of three previously published books of fiction with a $25 entry fee by November 1,2019.

    University of Alabama Press, P.O. Box 870380, Tuscaloosa, AL 35487.（773）702-7000.

    Walt Whitman Award

    A prize of $5,000 is given annually for a poetry collection by a poet who has not published a book of poems in a standard edition. The winning book will also be distributed to 5,000 members of the Academy of American Poets. Submit a manuscript of 48 to 100 pages with a $35 entry fee by November 1,2019.

    Academy of American Poets,75 Maiden Lane, Suite 901,NewYork,NY10038.（ 212）274-0343.

    Gabriele Rico Challenge in Creative Essay

    A prize of $1,333 is given annually for an essay. Using the online submission system, submit an essay of up to 5,000 words with a$20 entry fee, by November 1,2019.　All entries are considered for publication. Visit the website for complete guidelines.

    San Jose State University, English Department, One Washington Square, San Jose,CA95192.（408）924-4425.

    Brooklyn Nonfiction Prize

    A prize of $500 is given annually for a work of nonfiction that is set in Brooklyn, New York, and expresses the region's "rich soul and intangible （无形的） qualities through the writer's actual experiences of Brooklyn." Submit an essay of up to 2,500 words by November 15,2019.There is no entry fee．

    Brooklyn Nonfiction Prize, P.O. Box 491, New York, NY10156.（ 207）778-7071.

    When my daughter Sara was in the fifth grade, she came to me with a problem." Marcy hates me！" she cried." Because Kathy is my friend, too. She wants me to be her friend and nobody else's. You talk to Marcy. You tell her that I want to be her friend, but I can have other friends, too！"

    Oh！I looked at her for a few moments，wondering how I got into this mess，when suddenly an idea came to me.

    Picking up two baskets from the living room, I explained, "When everyone is born, he or she has a little basket. This little one here is yours. The big one is mine. As you grow, so does the basket. You can see your little basket is inside mine because when you were born, there were too many things you couldn't do for yourself. I did everything you couldn't do on your own." She nodded.

    "Well, as you grew older and began to do some things on your own, I began placing a few more things in your basket. When you learned to tie your shoes, that went in your basket."

    She said softly, "I can tie my own shoes."

    "Right. As you grow older，there will be more and more things you must do on your own." As I spoke, I gradually took her basket out of mine and handed it to her." You will finally carry your own basket with things only you can do."

    She looked up at me and said," I understand. There are some things that I have to do for myself because they are in my basket."