My friend BJ Gallagher told me a great story recently, about her own experience with resentment (愤恨). She once worked as the training manager for a large newspaper, where she found the corporate culture extremely frustrating. The company was a hundred years old and their past success ha d blinded them to the need for change. Finally, after butting heads with several senior executives (主管) many times, she left the company. But she found that she hadn't left her resentment, frustration, and anger behind when she resigned.

    “I finally decided to write about my experiences and my feelings at the newspaper. I wanted to be rid of that company and those people, once and for all. So I wrote and I wrote. It wasn't just a story that poured out; it was a whole book! We called it A peacock in the Land of Penguins. I was the peacock and those newspaper executives were the penguins.”

    “It took me several more years to finally get over my negative emotions. Through a lot of soul-searching and reflection, I finally was able to let go of my resentment. I came to see that there was nothing personal in the way they treated me, and they were good people doing what they thought best for the company. I was the one who had made it personal. I thought they were making my life miserable on purpose.”

    “Finally, the time came when I decided to make amends (弥补) for the sharp, angry things I had said about the company. I invited my former boss to dinner and made my apology. It was a great healing process for me. I finally felt free of the resentment that had been eating me up.”

    “What was the final outcome?” I asked her.

    “Gratitude,” she replied. “Not only wasn't I resentful any more, I was grateful to the company. If I hadn't had those painful experiences, I would never have written a book. And the book became hugely successful – now published in 21 languages; it transformed my business.”

    A man was going to open a shop selling hats. He wanted a good sign to put over his shop. He wrote:

    JOHN BROWN HATTER

    Makes and Sells Hats for Ready Money

    The first friend gave him the advice that the word "hatter" wasn't needed. So John crossed out the hatter. Then he came to another friend for advice. This friend said that it was not polite to say "for ready money". So he crossed out "for ready money'.

    The sign now said:

    JOHN BROWN

    Makes and Sells Hats

    One day a friend was passing his shop. He saw this sign and said that when a man bought a hat, he didn't ask who made it. So John crossed out "makes".

    But when another friend saw "John Brown sells hats", he said "Of course you sell hats. No one thinks you give them away."

    So, at last the sign read:

    JOHN BROWN

    A name is more than just a word. It carries the weight of a person's whole identity. A name can represent a person's ethnicity (种族身份) and culture, or show respect for their ancestral roots. A self-given name may represent a person's beliefs or chosen identity.

    Everyone has the right to have their name pronounced correctly. It is a sign of respect for a person's individuality. "A person's name is to him or her the sweetest and most important sound in any language," Dale Carnegie writes in his book How to Win Friends and Influence People. Behind each name is a story, and when a name is anglicized (英语化), mispronounced, or ignored, that story is dismissed.

    A name mispronounced for a long time can negatively impact a person's attitude toward their own identity. It can create feelings of shame or embarrassment because they are made to feel like a burden. In the long term, this might cause someone to distance themselves from their roots. They may begin shying away from their native language, culture, and family for the sake of fitting in.

    In order to avoid this, many international students living in the U.S. choose English names. People shouldn't have to ignore their identities for the sake of someone else's convenience.

    Everyone makes mistakes, and not everyone can get a name right on the first try. Mispronouncing a name repeatedly, however, shows a lack of effort. It is not okay to be comfortable with mispronouncing names, and being unfamiliar with a language is no excuse.

    If you're unsure whether you're pronouncing a name correctly, just ask. Think of it as a way to expand and strengthen understanding, both personally and culturally. When meeting someone for the first time, make sure that you heard the name correctly. It doesn't take a lot to simply repeat the name back. Spell it out. Write it down. Do whatever you have to do to get the name right. Making the effort to correctly pronounce someone's name is an essential part of cultural competency (文化素养). Without this, we cannot expect to show respect and tolerance for our diverse community.

    Over the centuries the French have lost a number of famous battles with the British. However, they've always felt superior in the kitchen. France has for centuries had a reputation for cooking excellence, and Britain for some of the worst cooking in the world. But according to a recent survey, that reputation may no longer reflect reality.

    In the survey, 71% of the Britons said they cook at home every day, while only 59% of the French said they cook daily. British home cooks spend more time cooking each week and also produce a greater variety of dishes than French home cooks.

    The reaction in London was predictably enthusiastic. British food has greatly improved since the 1990s. Once upon a time, the menu for many family meals would have been roast beef, potatoes and over-cooked vegetables, but not now. Home cooks are experimenting with the huge range of ingredients now available in British supermarkets and are preparing all kinds of new dishes, using the cookbooks that sell millions of copies every year. As a result, there's much more diversity in British food now, compared to French food, which tends to be very traditional.

    Some French people say that the survey did not show the whole picture. They agree that during the week French women don't cook as much as they used to because most of them work and don't have much time. They tend to buy ready-made or frozen dishes, but many of them make up for it on the weekend. There's also a difference between Paris and the countryside. It's true that people in Paris don't cook much, but elsewhere, cooking is still at the heart of daily life.

    For many French people, opinions about British food have not changed. When Bernard Blier, the food editor at a magazine, was asked about British food, he replied: "I don't go out of my way to try it. It is not very refined. You can say that I'm not a fan at all."