I'm seventeen. I had worked as a box boy at a supermarket in Los Angeles. People came to the counter and you put things in their bags for them and carried things to their cars. It was hard work.

While working, you wear a plate with your name on it. I once met someone I knew years ago. I remembered his name and said, "Mr. Castle, how are you?" We talked about this and that. As he left, he said, "It was nice talking to you, Brett." I felt great, he remembered me. Then I looked down at my name plate. Oh, no. He didn't remember me at all. He just read the name plate. I wish I had put "Irving" down on my name plate. If he'd have said, "Oh yes, Irving, how could I forget you?" I'd have been ready for him. There's nothing personal here.

The manager and everyone else who were a step above the box boys often shouted orders. One of these was: you couldn't accept tips. Okay, I'm outside and I put the bags in the car. For a lot of people, the natural reaction is to take a quarter and give it to me. I'd say, "I'm sorry, I can't." They'd get angry. When you give someone a tip, you're sort of being polite. You take a quarter and you put it in their hand and you expect them to say, "Oh, thanks a lot." When you say, "I'm sorry, I can't." they feel a little put down. They say, "No one will know." And they put it in your pocket. You say, "I really can't."

It gets to a point where you almost have to hurt a person physically to prevent him from tipping you. It was not in agreement with the store's belief in being friendly. Accepting tips was a friendly thing and made the customer feel good. I just couldn't understand the strangeness of some people's ideas. One lady actually put it in my pocket, got in the car, and drove away. I would have had to throw the quarter at her or eaten it or something.

    I had decided that one year was enough. Some people needed the job to stay alive and fed. I guess I had the means and could afford to hate it and give it up.

    It's generally believed that people act the way they do because of their personalities and attitudes.They recycle their garbage because they care about the environment.They pay $5 for a caramel brulee latte because they like expensive coffee drinks.

    It's undeniable that behavior comes from our inner dispositions（性情）,but in many instances we also draw inferences about who we are,as suggested by the social psychologist Daryl Bern,by observing our own behavior.We can be strangers to ourselves.If we knew our own minds,why would we need to guess what our preferences are from our behavior?If our minds were an open book,we would know exactly how much we care about the environment or like lattes.Actually,we often need to look to our behavior to figure out who we are.

    Moreover,we don't just use our behavior to learn about our particular types of character—we infer characters that weren't there before.Our behavior is often shaped by little pressures around us,which we fail to recognize.Maybe we recycle because our wives and neighbors would disapprove if we didn't.Maybe we buy lattes in order to impress the people around us.We should not mistakenly believe that we always behave as a result of some inner disposition.

    Whatever pressures there can be or inferences one can make,people become what they do,though it may not be in compliance（符合）with their true desires.Therefore,we should all bear in mind Kurt Vonnegut's advice:"We are what we pretend to be,so we must be careful about what we pretend to be."

    Recently, my mother asked me to drop off some letters at the post office and pick up some stamps for her. Without giving it a thought, I took the letters and purchased her stamps.

    A few days later, she mentioned that one of the letters I had mailed was missing a stamp, and asked me if I had put a stamp on it. She had remembered asking me to put a stamp on it, though I certainly had not heard her. So, unfortunately, it looked like the letter, which was a bill of course, would come back marked "Return to Sender for Insufficient Postage". A few days went by and I returned to the post office to pick up our mail. While I was there, I saw the postmaster and happened to tell him about Mom's letter missing the stamp. I asked him to be on the lookout for it coming back. It was then that he told me his story. "You know," he said, "I immediately saw after you had dropped the mail off that your letter was missing a stamp. I also noticed that it was a bill for a credit card company. I thought to myself that you have always been kind to me and my partner, and I wanted to return the favor. So, to prevent your mother from getting charged a late fee from the credit card company, I took money from our change dish (extra pennies for folks who need one), and purchased a stamp for you."

    When I heard it, I couldn't believe it. What a blessing that was! I thanked him over and over again for putting the stamp on the letter for us. Then, I immediately dumped(倾倒) all the change out of my purse and into the penny dish in order to help others out in the future. When I got home, I was able to tell Mom the good news. This was kindness karma(因果报应) in action, I believe!

    Computer programmer David Jones earns £35,000 a year designing new computer games, yet he cannot find a bank ready to let him have a credit card(信用卡). Instead, he has been told to wait another two years, until he is 18.

    The 16-year-old works for a small firm in Liverpool, where the problem of most young people of his age is finding a job. David's firm releases(推出) two new games for the fast throwing computer market each month.

    But David's biggest headache is what to do with his money. Even though he earns a lot, he cannot drive a car, take out a mortgage(抵押贷款), or get credit cards. David got his job with the Liverpool-based company four months ago, a year after leaving school with six O-levels and working for a time in a computer shop. "I got the job because the people who run the firm knew I had already written some programs," he said. David spends some of his money on records and clothes, and gives his mother 50 pounds a week. But most of his spare time is spent working.

    "Unfortunately, computing was not part of our studies at school," he said. "But I had been studying it in books and magazines for four years in my spare time. I knew what I wanted to do and never considered staying on at school. Most people in this business are fairly young, anyway." David added: "I would like to earn a million and I suppose early retirement(退休) is a possibility. You never know when the market might disappear."

    Nearly everyone has bad habits. That's because, try as we might, bad habits are hard to break. On the other side, good habits, such as eating more healthfully or exercising regularly, never seem to stick. As a result, most people throw up their hands and surrender.

    But now a new book, Better Than Before: Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday Lives by best-selling author Gretchen Rubin, offers some useful solutions.

    Rubin, who became interested in habits during her research on happiness, which resulted in two popular books, The Happiness Project (2009) and Happier at Home (2012), found that our inability to master unwanted behaviors was a major downer (令人沮丧的因素). So, after guiding millions of readers down the path of true contentedness, Rubin turned her investigative skills toward habits.

    Her most important find? Change is possible if we do some soul searching and identify how we respond to expectations. And, just about everybody falls into one of four personality categories: Questioners, Obligers, Rebels and Upholders.

    Rubin believes herself to be a classic Upholder, someone who forms habits relatively easily because she responds well to both other people's deadlines and her own. As to the other types, Questioners will only form a habit if it makes sense to them; Obligers work hard to meet other people's expectations but often let themselves down. And Rebels resent (反感) habits.

    "Think about the habit that you want to form and then think: "What's everything I could do to set myself up for success?" says Rubin. For example, if you want to exercise more and you're an Obliger, call your friend who lives across the street and meet at 6：30 every morning for a walk.

    One common pitfall (陷阱), says Rubin, especially when it comes to changing your diet, is lack of clarity (清楚). "You can't make a habit out of eating more healthfully, "she says. Instead, your habit should be something like: "I'm going to pack a lunch every day and bring it to work instead of eating out."

    As for exercise, Rubin recommends a strategy called pairing—coupling two activities, one that you need or want to do and one that you don't particularly want to do. Rubin, for example, only allows herself to read magazines while on fitness equipment at the gym.

    Kieron Graham has known from a young age that he was adopted. While he loves his adoptive family, he has always wondered about his birth mother and brother. When his adoptive mom gave him a DNA test tool, they both hoped it might lead to his birth family. But neither guessed it would work so quickly, or that when it did, Graham would learn he and his long-lost brother may have crossed paths every day.

    It took just one week from the time Graham, a college student at Georgia's Kennesaw State University, received his DNA results on Ancestry.com for him to connect with his brother. Graham's DNA results showed that his closest match was a man named Vincent Ghant, and it turned out Ghant lived just a few minutes away.

Graham reached out and learned that the two were in fact long-lost brothers. Their mother, Shawn Ghant, made the difficult decision to place Kieron in adoptive care when he was just a baby. And she has worried and wondered about her youngest son ever since. Graham has since been reunited with his mother and both of his brothers on his mother's side.

    “It's all surreal(离奇的), too many emotions to describe exactly what I'm feeling about the entire situation, but it's a good situation,” Graham tells MNN.

    As fate would have it, Kieron and Vincent are both students at Kennesaw State. They even have the same major: political science. So it's a safe bet the two crossed paths many times over the past three years. And now, thanks to some DNA sleuthing(筛查), the two will cross paths many more times in the years to come.

    “We're getting together on Christmas with everyone, birth mother included,” Graham says. “That's sure to be a very indelible Christmas indeed, which will always be treasured by us.”