I recently posted a picture on Facebook from the movie Mad Max, a film where two groups race through the desert in steampunk vehicles, and wrote, “Actual picture of my way to work today.” It was meant to be a joke because of the sandstorms in Beijing, but one of my friends from back home thought it was real.

    I couldn't imagine how they could think that is actually what China is like. China has so many more conveniences and advantages than the West, and many of my friends agree. “I don't know how I will be able to deal when I go back home,” said a friend who is about to end her gap year in Beijing. “I've become so spoiled in China.”

    China seems to be leading the way in innovation(创新) and convenience for daily life. Back home I could never shop, pull out my phone and scan a QR code to pay.

    There have been rumors of starting bike sharing in my hometown for years with little success while bike sharing suddenly appeared in Beijing overnight. I just step outside and scan a code, and I am on my way.

    Going out to eat with a group of friends back home was troublesome for both the group and the servers. Splitting bills and swiping(刷) 10 different cards or making change for each person in the group can be a pain. But with China's WeChat, you can quickly send your friends your part of the bill.

    The list goes on…

    When I first arrived in Beijing, I was dead set on leaving in a month. That month has come and gone. Now, when someone asks me when I'm coming back, I think to myself, “Who knows?”

    While my friends think I am riding through the desert on a motorbike, I am actually taking a Didi for what is the equivalent of $5 in the US.

    With all the conveniences and technology here, I may never want to go back.

    As countless unmade beds and unfinished homework assignments prove, kids need rules. Yet how parents make demands can powerfully influence a child's social skills, psychologists at the University of Virginia recently found after the conclusion of a study investigating the transition from adolescence to adulthood.

    Initially 184 13-year-olds filled out multiple surveys, including one to assess how often their parents employed psychologically controlling strategies, such as inducing guilt or threatening to withdraw affection. The kids rated, for example, how typical it would be for Dad to suggest that “if I really cared for him, I would not do things that caused him to worry”or for Mom to become “less friendly when I did not see things her way.”

    The researchers followed up with the subjects at ages 18 and 21, asking the young adults to bring along a close friend and, later, a romantic partner if they had one. These pairs were asked to answer hypothetical (假设的) questions that were purposefully written to inspire a difference of opinion. “We wanted to see whether they could navigate a disagreement in a healthy way, ”says study leader Barbara Oudekerk, now at the U. S. Department of Justice's bureau of statistics.

    In the October issue of Child Development, Oudekerk and her colleagues report that the 13-year-olds who had highly controlling parents struggled in friendly disagreements at age 18. They had difficulty stating their opinions in a confident, reasoned manner in comparison to the kids without controlling parents. And when they did speak up, they often failed to express themselves in warm and productive ways.

    The researchers suspect that pushy parents ruin their child's ability to learn how to argue his or her own viewpoint in other relationships. Although parents do need to set boundaries, domineering strategies imply that any disagreement will damage the bond itself. Separate findings suggest that parents who explain the reasons behind their rules and turn disagreements into conversations leave youngsters better prepared for future arguments.

    The consequences of tense or domineering relationships appear to get worse with time. This study also found that social difficulties at 18 predicted even poorer communication abilities at age 21. Psychologist Shmuel Shulman of Bar-Ilan University in Israel, who did not participate in the work, thinks these conclusions convincingly reveal how relationship patterns “carry forward” into new friendships.

    Our lifestyles today are very busy. We have family, school, sports, entertainment and social activities to fit into a time that seems never enough. We need to be healthy to meet the demands of daily life. But what does it mean to have a healthy lifestyle?

    To have a healthy lifestyle, we need to: eat different kinds of healthy food most of the time do exercise often have time to relax get enough sleep to give our bodies time to grow healthy and strong

    Read about a normal day in the lives of two children.

    Abbey gets up at 7:00 am, feeds the dog, and has cereal and a glass of juice for breakfast. She walks to school with her friend, Julia. She has a bag of chips for a morning snack, drinks water, and has a chicken and lettuce sandwich with a banana for lunch. She likes to play soccer with her friends at lunch and morning break time. She walks home with Julia, has some crackers with cheese and juice for afternoon snack and plays with the dog for a while. She plays computer games for an hour or two before dinner, then has a shower and does her homework. She watches her favorite television show for an hour, then usually goes to bed at about 9:30 pm.

    Carl gets up at 8:30 am and has two pieces of bread with jam and a glass of milk for breakfast. His mother drives him to school on her way to work. He eats cookies with juice for morning snack and a pot pie ordered from the school lunch room with juice for lunch. He likes to play card games with his friends at lunchtime and climb the fixed equipment at morning break time. He catches the bus home, has a cereal bar and a can of soda for afternoon snack, then watches some television. He has a shower before dinner, then plays the computer for an hour or two. He goes to bed at about 10:30 pm.

    Have you ever been faced with trying to stay positive when others around you are negative? A negative person can bring you down and throw your positive plans out of the window. Whether you deal with a family member, friend or co-worker who is negative, there are things you can do to remain positive in the face of negativity?

    Whatever you do, don't argue with a negative person. Arguing only adds fuel to the fire. I have noticed when my children are crabby, it is best to avoid trying to convince them to analyze and adjust their attitude. As soon as I take the approach of being in opposition to them, the situation gets worse before it gets better. Sometimes the best thing to do is remain silent and let negativity pass.

    You know how difficult it can be to give love and positive attention to negative people. Unfortunately, that is often exactly what they need. A negative person is usually afraid he is unlovable. How do you show love when someone is negative? You must listen to what he is trying to tell you. Acknowledge the feelings he has by saying something like, “You sound very angry right now.” How might you help a negative person? Offer a hug even if you get rejected. A negative person often has difficulty accepting love from others.

If you have negative people on your life who are affecting your mental and physical health, you need to decide whether or not you want these people in your life. Some people are so negative that you have no other choice but to remove them from your life. However, some people, such as your children, are difficult to remove from your life, in this case, professional counseling(咨询) may be the answer.

    When people find themselves in difficult conflicts, they often turn to mediation(调解). Mediator are advised to listen attentively, avoid favoring the ideas of one party, and make both sides feel at ease. Surprisingly, new research that my colleagues and I conducted shows that, to effectively help people settle their conflicts, mediators should adopt a hostile(敌对的) attitude rather- than a calming one. A hostile mediator, we find, brings better results than a nice one

    Why would adding more negativity to an already hostile situation prove beneficial? Consider how parents typically react when they can't get their children to stop quarreling: "I don't care who started it, both of you, go to your rooms!" At first sight, a calm mediator seems likely to be more effective. But as anyone with brothers or sisters knows, parents' seemingly unsympathetic treatment of the situation can have an unusual effect,

    In our research, we created situations in which pairs of negotiators were part of a heated conflict. In some cases, the mediator had a "nice" approach-calm and polite. In others, he was hostile-aggressive and somewhat rude. Across different types of conflicts, we found that negotiators were more willing and able to reach an agreement in the presence of a hostile mediator than in the presence of a nice one.

The main result of the test is not that hostility pays off. In fact, recent research has documented the social costs of negative behavior. For example, being the target of rude behavior reduces people's performance on a variety of tasks. Other research shows the social benefits of positive behavior. People are more likely to close deals and become future business partners.

    Even with the widespread social benefits of positive behavior and costs of negative behavior, hostility can pay off in certain situations.

    People living in the country enjoy several advantages that people living in the city cannot enjoy.

    They are in close contact (接触)with nature. They make friends with trees and stones. They breathe fresh air. They fight with strong winds. They listen to the song of birds. This contact with nature is good for health. There are many diseases that are common in the city, but are not to be found in the country. For example, near­sightedness is almost unknown to country people. Because of the absence of cars, one can walk more freely in the country than in the city. There are no rules of the road nor traffic signs to obey. People living in the country can easily get fresh vegetables, fresh fruit and fresh milk, and they get them at lower prices than in the city. Country life is economical (节俭的)in other ways, too. There are practically no temptations to waste money.

    Country people are mostly honest. They say what they mean, and make and keep promises with sincerity (诚意). They do not put on air (摆架子). They do not pretend to have those ridiculous (荒谬的)manners which are necessary in what we call polite society.