Dear SJ,

    Losing a best friend is never easy.

    Your problem, is not just that you miss your best friend, it is that you feel empty and lost without her friendship.

    It takes time to get over a lost, and during that time, your mind is getting used to a new way of being. This is usually a good thing, even if it feels like a bad thing.

    Now that you are on your own, you are being forced to learn to be by yourself and to rely upon your own inner voice for guidance. I am sure that this feels strange for you, but if you can hang on for a bit longer, it may work to your advantage.

    Best friends are cool, but it is important to know the difference between missing someone and being too independent upon them.

    At your age, girls do tend to stick together and having a good boyfriend may not yet be the better choice. Your friend is leaving you, her best friend, for a boyfriend. Boyfriends are completely different from best friends. The distinction is that boyfriends come and go, while girl friends often stay in your life throughout high school, and even afterwards. It is a completely different sort of bond.

    I suggest that you take advantage of this period in your life to expand your horizons. Enjoy the freedom of having no best friend for a while, and hang with the group. By the time your former best friend breaks up with her boyfriend, you will be in a completely different place, a far better place.

    And, by the way, next time you feel empty and lost, try to write about it in a diary. In several months, you will look back and read it with curiosity about yourself. “Who was I then, and what could I have been thinking?”

Make Up Your Mind to Succeed

    Kind-hearted parents have unknowingly left their children defenseless against failure. The generation born between 1980 and 2001 grew up playing sports where scores and performance were played down because “everyone's a winner.” And their report cards sounded more positive  than ever before. As a result, Stanford University professor Carol Dweck, PhD, calls them “the overpraised generation.”

    Dweck has been studying how people deal with failure for 40 years. Her research has led her to find out two clearly different mind-sets that have a great effect on how we react to it. Here's how they work:

    A fixed mind-set is grounded in the belief that talent is genetic – you're a born artist, point guard, or numbers person. The fixed mind-set believes it's sure to succeed without much effort and regards failure as personal shame. When things get difficult, it's quick to blame, lie, and even stay away from future difficulties.

    On the other hand, a growth mind-set believes that no talent is entirely heaven-sent and that effort and learning make everything possible. Because the ego (自尊) isn't on the line as much, the growth mind-set sees failure as a chance rather than shame. When faced with a difficulty, it's quick to rethink, change and try again. In fact, it enjoys this experience.

    We are all born with growth mind-sets. (Otherwise, we wouldn't be able to live in the world.) But parents, teachers, and instructors often push us into fixed mind-sets by encouraging certain actions and misdirecting praise. Dweck's book, Mind-set: The New Psychology of Success, and online instructional program explain this in depth. But she says there are many little things you can start doing today to make sure that your children, grandchildren and even you are never defeated by failure.

    It was a cold winter. The wind blew all night and the snow was blinding. When morning came, my three children and I got up and made our way to the windows. As we looked out the window, we saw that the henhouse was gone. Our three hens had been blown away.

    I looked at the emptiness outside. Then I saw all three chickens sat around the edge of a white bucket. How was this violent wind not blowing them into the field beyond? I quickly pulled on long snow pants and heavy winter coat, wrapped a scarf and stuck my feet into very large boots .

    I shouted at the wind as it blew. I was alone, save for my children. They stared out the window into the vast white sea of snow, their eyes peeled for any sign of movement. Outside I heard the sound of my boots as I walked against the wind.

    The snow circling around me, I steadily made my way to the soft cluck-cluck-cluck sound my hens always made. When I reached them, I saw that their little feet were holding on to the edge of the bucket, heads bent forward and away from the wind. I gently lifted each hen and put it carefully into the warm inside. Then I began the freezing walk back to the small shed directly behind our house. One by one I laid my chickens on the cold floor, and they began to cluck softly.

    As I shut the shed doors, my eyes went directly to the window where my children were watching. They jumped up and down cheering, and so did I! I wasn't some dragon slayer (屠龙者) from a fairy tale. I was simply a mom, but the look on my children's faces told me that they thought I was a hero mom.

    Kids Connect is a camp specifically for children with physical and mild intelligence disabilities aged 9-16 (Single consideration given to those over the age of 16). It is held in Blockhouse Bay, Auckland. Occasionally we require meeting a child before camp to ensure we are able to meet their needs during the camp. Acceptance is not automatic, but at the decision of the camp director.

    Our camps are conducted by experienced staff. We take every effort to give your children a safe and enjoyable weekend. Our aim is that every child comes away with lasting memories of what they have experienced, explored and enjoyed at our camp.

We focus on building strong, healthy relationships with other children (with and without physical disabilities) and with group leaders.

    We have a weekend packed full of activities, action and fun.

    Team games and competitions, songs

    Cross-country race on a wheelchair accessible track

    Motorcycling

    Process design

    Discussions, great food and loads of fun!

    The camp fee is approximately $135 (subject to change). We also accept payment by way of Ministry of Health carer support forms.

    Day visits and rates can be organized on a personal basis if a full weekend stay is unsuitable

    For a registration form or for more information, please email info@cbm.org.nz or phone 09 6305271

    Kids Connect

    Box 8774, Symonds Street Auckland 1150

    Website: www.cbm.org.nz

    When hospital staff are in full scrubs (手术衣), their faces are almost completely covered by their caps and face masks, and we can only see their eyes and eyebrows. In order to solve the problem, a doctor in Sydney, Australia, called Rob Hackett launched a campaign named "Theatre (手术室) Cap Challenge"-encourage hospital staffs to write their' names and roles on their caps. At first, his colleagues didn't take it seriously. However, with time going on, it has been adopted around the world with studies from the US and UK reporting how this simple idea can decrease human errors in healthcare.

    "I went to a theatre where there were about 20 doctors and nurses in the room," Dr. Rob Hackett said. "I struggled to even ask to be passed some gloves because the person I was pointing to thought I was pointing to the person behind them, because I don't know their names." said Rob. As we all know, doctors are a stressful profession. When faced with life and death, they need to save the patient's life for a second. At the moment, effective communications are important.

    "The 'Theatre Cap Challenge' is in response to concerns about how easily avoidable mistakes and poor communication are contributing to rising harmful events for our patients." said Rob. "We need to develop systems which reduce mistakes and misunderstanding without causing harm. For this to happen, we need to let everyone know we're human." he added On the other hand, from the patients' viewpoint, caps with names on them can make patients more unworried. When everyone appears the same, it is extremely difficult to distinguish who is who. Knowing them relaxed.

    Elizabeth and I are 18 now, and about to graduate. I think about our elementary school friendship, but some memories have blurred(模糊). What happened that day in the fifth grade when Beth suddenly stopped speaking to me? Does she know that I've been thinking about her for seven years? If only we could go back, and discover what ended our relationship.

    I have to speak with Beth. I see her sometimes, and find out school is "fine". It's not the same. It never will be. Someone says that she's Liz now, what happened to Beth?

    I can't call her. Should I write? What if she doesn't answer me? How will I know what she's thinking?

    Yes, I'll write her a letter. These things are easier to express in writing. "Dear Be-," no, "Dear Li-" no, "Dear Elizabeth," I begin. The words flow freely, as seven-year-old memories are reborn. I ask her all the questions that have been left unanswered in my mind, and pray she will answer. I seal my thoughts in the perfect white envelope, and imagine Beth looking into the mailbox. Will she know why I'm writing? Maybe she once thought of writing the same letter.

    As the mailman takes my envelope from me forever, I wonder if I've made the right decision. Do I have the right to force myself into Beth's life again? Am I simply part of the past? I have taken the first stop. Beth has control of the situation now.

    One day has passed. Are my words lying on the bottom of the post office floor.

    Two days are gone. I'm lost in thought and don't even hear the phone ring.

    "Hello? It's Elizabeth"