Jack threw the papers on my desk. “Next time you want to change anything, ask me first,” he said. I had changed a long sentence and corrected its grammar — something I thought I was paid to do.

    Several days later, he made me angry again. I went to his office, prepared to lose my job if need be, but not before I let the man know how I felt. “What?” he said nervously. Suddenly I knew what I had to do. “Jack, the way you've been treating me is wrong. And it's wrong for me to allow it to continue,” I said. “I want to make you a promise. I will be a friend.” The next day I brought some cakes to Jack's office. Every time I saw Jack in the hall, I smiled at him. After all, that's what friends do.

    One year after our talk, I was told that I had breast cancer (乳腺癌). When I was in hospital, my friends tried to find the right words to say, but no one could. The last day of my hospital stay, the door opened and Jack walked over to my bed. “Tulips (郁金香),” he placed some bulbs (球茎) beside me and said, “If you plant them when you get home, you'll be there to see them when they come up.” Tears filled my eyes. In a moment when I prayed for just the right words, a man with few words said the right thing. After all, that's what friends do. Now, I have seen those tulips push through the soil every spring for over ten years.

    The most wonderful time of the year (the Christmas season) is also the most stressful for lots of people struggling to fit in increased end-of-the-year workloads, holiday parties, shopping, guest hosting, travel, and seeing friends and relatives who you'd otherwise avoid. Luckily, the same coping mechanisms that can help relieve stress and find better balance during the year also work for this holiday.

    Here are four tips to finding work—life balance during this season.

1） Know and avoid your stressors(压力源).

    If cooking for a large group, baking cookies, or Christmas shopping are your key stressors, don't do them. Lots of grocery stores will help cater your next holiday meal. Bakeries exist for a reason, and gift cards are much appreciated by all. Stop trying to live up to someone else's expectations of the holidays and stay merry by outsourcing the pain points.

2） Get flexible at work.

    If you normally travel an hour each way at work, see if your boss will let you work from home in this special season to save time, get more done, and reduce your stress. Or ask if you can start work from home in the mornings and come to the office later in the day to avoid peak hours. Leave early and finish your day from the comfort of home, too.

3） Make your own list and check it twice.

    Make a to-do list for yourself, for both work and life, then divide it up into categories like “must do,” “want to do,” and “feel obligated to do.” If you can remove any or all of your required list, the rest of your to-dos will start to look a lot easier.

    Once you have your lists in order, it's time to start crossing things off. In between your must-dos tasks, include a want-to-do task to break things up and re-energize yourself. Yes, this holiday is a time to give back to others and be selfless, but there's still a bit of “self” in selflessness, isn't there?

4）If you start to feel a cold coming on, come to a full and complete stop.

    The best way to stop a cold from exploding into a weeks-long sickness is to stop it at the start. Unless a task or activity is an absolute necessity, cancel your plans, put away your to-do lists, and settle in for a long winter's nap. A day of rest and enough sleep is the only thing you NEED right now. Feel bad about declining holiday invitations from your friends and family? You're doing them a favor. Once people hear that you're sick, they'll be glad you stayed away — they don't want to come down with a cold during the holiday any more than you do!

    It is certain that you can feel less stressed in this hectic season when you stop expecting so much from yourself, because nobody puts so much expectation on you as you do to yourself. Trying to satisfy clients, co-workers, friends and family can be draining and can finally negatively impact you in many ways. When you simplify things up front, you relieve the stress off of yourself and everyone else in the process. Stop focusing on what you feel like you're obligated to do, and start focusing on what you want and need to do, the load will get lighter and you will feel a lot merrier under the Christmas tree.

    Are you interested in students in other countries? Do they also have so much homework like you? What do they do in their spare time?

    On April 8, a report came out on the lives of high school students in China, Japan, South Korea and the US. It surveyed around 6200 students from the four countries last year. You will find the answers to many of your questions in this report.

    Who study hardest?

Chinese students spend the most time studying. Nearly half of Chinese students (48.65%) spend more than two hours on their homework every day. That's much more than students of the US (26.4%), Japan (8.2%) and South Korea (5.2%).

    Who sleep most often in class?

Japanese students fall asleep in class most often. About 45% of them said they sometimes sleep in class. In South Korea, it's 32%; in the US,21%; and 5% in China.

    Who are the most distracted?

    American students are the most active in class, but also the most distracted. 64.2% said they chat with friends in class; 46.9% said they eat snacks in class; and 38.9% said they send emails or read storybooks in class.

    What do they do after school?

    In their spare time, most Chinese students study or surf the Internet. Most American students go out to play with their friends. Most Japanese students do physical exercise. Most Korean students watch TV.

    A family is a collection of people who share the same genes but cannot agree on a place to pull over for lunch. Ed and I, plus his parents and sister Doris and eight-year-old niece Alisha, are on a road trip to Yosemite. Ed wants Subway, I want. In-N-Out Burger, Doris wants Sonic. In the end, we compromise on McDonald's, where Alisha will get an action figure.

    It's a three-hour drive to Yosemite, but we're taking a little longer, as we're working in a tour of Highway 80's public restrooms. As the saying goes, "Not one bladder（膀胱）empties but another fills." Many of these restrooms belong to gas stations. I prefer them to the high-tech ones on planes.

    We get back on the road. Ed is driving now. When all the tabloids（小报）have been read, the travel has grown tedious and anyone under age 12 asks "Are we there yet?" at ever-shortening internals. Just outside Manteca, California, we stop for coffee. At a Starbucks checkout, Ed buys a CD of Joni Mitchell's favorite musical picks. The hope is that it will have a calming effect.

    As we pull back onto the highway, it starts to pour. Then something amazing happens. As we climb the mountain, the rain turns to snow. The pines are spotted with white. We're struck dumb（说不出话）by the scene outside. For a solid 15 minutes, everyone forgets about their bladder, their blood sugar and the temperature. Alisha has never seen snow, so we pull over to make snowmen and catch snowflakes on our tongues. Then Ed realizes we need tire chains, and we have to turn back and drive 30miles to Oakhurst. "Good," says Doris. "There was a very nice restroom there."

    Do you believe in the power of music? If you're like most kids these days, you probably have an electronic device loaded with hundreds or even thousands of your favorite songs. At any moment in time, you can fill your headphones with the sounds of a particular song that suits your mood at that exact time.

    Are you getting ready for a big soccer match or do you need to get excited? Maybe some hip hop with a strong beat will do the trick! Besides, you might be ready to study for a big exam the next day. To calm your nerves and help you concentrate, a little bit of Mozart might make memorization more manageable.

    But is there any scientific evidence of these effects that music seems to have? You bet there is! Scientists have long recognized the power of music. Over the years, many studies have been conducted to examine in greater depth the nature and extent of the effects music has on people.

    For example, scientists at the University of Missouri have found that listening to music can have a positive effect on your mood. Their research gives scientific credibility(可信性) to the behavior that many people have already experienced on their own: listening to upbeat music can brighten your day and boost your mood.

    Other studies have shown that upbeat music isn't the only type of music that can be helpful, however. When people are sad or have suffered a personal loss, sad music can be helpful because people identify with the tone and lyrias(歌词) of the music. Likewise, people under a lot of stress or experiencing upsetting situations can benefit from listening to angry music. Although angry music might not help you if you're in a normal mood, its tone can benefit you when you are dealing with stressful and upsetting situations.

My Favourite Books

    Jo Usmar is a writer for Cosmopolitan and co­author of the This Book Will series(系列)of lifestyle books. Here she picks her top reads.

Matilda

Roald Dahl

    I once wrote a paper on the influence of fairy tales on Roald Dahl's writing and it gave me a new appreciation for his strange and delightful words. Matilda's battles with her cruel me parents and the bossy headmistress, Miss Trunchbull, are equally fumy and frightening, but they're also aspirational.

After Dark

Haruki Murakami

    It's about two sisters­Eri, a model who either won't or can't stop sleeping, and Mari, a young student. In trying to connect to her sister. Mari starts changing her life and discovers a world of diverse "night people" who are hiding secrets.

Gone Girl

Gillian Fynn

    There was a bit of me that didn't want to love this when everyone else on the planet did but the horror story is brilliant. There's tension and anxiety from the beginning as Nick and Amy battle for your trust. It's a real whodunit and the frustration when you realize what's going on is horribly enjoyable

The Stand

Stephen King

    This is an excellent fantasy novel from one of the best storytellers around. After a serious flu outbreak wipes out 99.4% of the world's population, a battle unfolds between good and evil among those let. Randall Flagg is one of the scariest characters ever.