Most people say “yes” much more readily than “no”.

    A friend is moving house this weekend and would like some help, and you agree. But, what you really wanted was a couple of quiet days relaxing at home. Or a roommate spends the entire weekends playing video games and wants to borrow your homework for “reference”. But, you've just finished it after taking a whole day to work hard.

    Many people say “yes” to those kinds of requests. They tend not to consider their own interests and feelings, and are often angry with themselves afterwards.

    Saying “no” requires courage and considerable practice, in fact, according to psychologists.

    “Everyone wants to be liked,” says Gabriel Steinki, a German psychologist. “Saying ‘no' risk losing the affection of the person asking the favor or even a job.”

    The result is that many people say “yes” just for keeping the peace. But experts say this is regrettable. Anyone should have the right to say “no”.

    In fact, rejecting a request can even help to strengthen a relationship because it expresses a true feeling.

    But, for people used to agreeing to every request, changing can be a long and uncomfortable learning process.

    Most people believe that “If I say ‘no', I'll lose the affection of the person. But the affection is important to me.” This way of thinking can be replaced by this “If he only likes me because I always do what suits him, then the price of his affection is too high in the long term.”

    Steinki says the key is talking to the other person to find a mutual(相互的) solution. “One needs to present the situation from one's own point of view, and to suggest how the situation can be dealt with to the advantage of both parties. The other person must have the feeling that his interests are being considered.”

    When the refusal is not accepted, Steinki advises giving the reasons calmly again until the person gets the message.

    Every week in China, millions of people will sit in front of their TVs watching teenagers compete for the title Character Hero, which is a Chinese­style spelling bee (拼写大赛). In this challenge, young competitors must write Chinese characters by hand. To prepare for the competition, the competitors usually spend months studying dictionaries.

    Perhaps the show's popularity should not be a surprise. Along with gunpowder and paper, many Chinese people consider the creation of Chinese calligraphy (书法) to be one of their primary contributions. Unfortunately, all over the country, Chinese people are forgetting how to write their own language without computerized help. Software on smart phones and computers allows users to type in the basic sound of the word using the Latin alphabet(字母). The correct character is chosen from a list. The result? It's possible to recognize characters without remembering how to write them.

    But there's still hope for the paint brush. China's Education Ministry wants children to spend more time learning how to write.

    In one Beijing primary school we visited, students practice calligraphy every day inside a specially decorated classroom with traditional Chinese paintings hanging on the walls. Soft music plays as a group of six­year­olds dip brush pens into black ink. They look up at the blackboard often to study their teacher's examples before carefully trying to reproduce those characters on thin rice paper.＂If adults can survive without using handwriting, why bother to teach it now?＂we ask the calligraphy teacher, Shen Bin.＂The ability to write characters is part of Chinese tradition and culture,＂she reasons.＂Students must learn now so they don't forget when they grow up.＂says the teacher.

    In life, we will succeed and fail often for reasons that are entirely out of our control. For instance, we can be incredibly nice and love someone deeply, and they may not love us back. We can work harder than anyone else in the office and still not be promoted to management. We can eat healthy food, exercise and stay away from alcohol and cigarettes, and still get sick.

    The bottom line is that life is not fair.

    That is a tough pill to swallow for many of us. As a result, some people shut down after being hit by even one unfair blow from life. They can't handle the fact that our efforts don't always get the results that we expect. But if we let life's unfairness defeat us, we will never receive the beautiful blessings (幸事) that life has in store for us.

    For example, my first marriage ended in divorce. To me, it felt very unfair. I had worked hard to be a good wife and mother. However, no matter what I did, I could not make the relationship work.

    I could have been shut down by that experience. I could have decided that if one person didn't appreciate me as a wife, then no one would. I could have given up. But I knew that I wanted to be married. I knew that I wanted to experience traditional family life. So I didn't let one seemingly unfair experience stop me from believing that I could one day be happily married. And then one day, I met this kind, thoughtful, generous man with whom I now have a wonderful friendship and marriage. But that wouldn't have happened if I had decided to give up after one failed marriage.

    What I've learned over the years is that we can do all the things that deserve a good outcome, but get bad things in return instead.

    When we are faced with life's seeming unfairness, our faith needs to jump in. When life doesn't go according to plan, we have to let go of the outcome that we are looking forward to and keep trying, working hard and doing the right thing. Please don't be discouraged. Accept that life is neither fair nor straightforward. And by knowing that if we remain confident, we can drive our unfair experiences away and use them for our benefit.

    Gardening is a very popular hobby. And it is one that produces wonderful results – food for your dinner table and flowers for your home! Gardens themselves can be very beautiful. So you would think that a garden path is a great place to be. Well, in conversation, it is not. Leading someone up the garden path means you are trying to trick them. You are not trying to show them your beautiful flowers.

    Speaking of beautiful flowers, gardeners love to see small buds (芽) forming on their plants. Besides plants and flowers, people can bud, too. If a child is good at drawing and painting, we can call him a budding artist. So “budding” describes something that is beginning to develop.

    On the opposite end, you stop something from growing if you nip it in the bud. This is a common expression when we talk about stopping something bad and preventing it from continuing. It's good to nip small problems in the bud before they turn into big problems.

    Now flowers that bloom （开花）are beautiful to see – even garden-variety flowers. “Garden-variety” describes anything that is common and not so special. You can have a garden-variety cold—not a serious illness.

    Now, a problem that many gardeners have is weeds. Weeds grow easily and can quickly take over a garden. In conversation, we sometimes use “weeds” to mean too many details. So, if you are in the weeds, you are taken over by too many details.

    As we said, weeds grow quickly. So do children. So, we like to say a child grows like a weed. This expression compares a child's fast growth to that of a weed.

    Failure is probably the most exhausting experience a person ever has. There is nothing more tiring than not succeeding.

    We experience this tiredness in two ways: as start-up fatigue(疲惫) and performance fatigue. In the former case, we keep putting off a task because it has either too boring or too difficult. And the longer we delay it, the more tired we feel.

    Such start-up fatigue is very real, even if not actually physical, not something in our muscles and bones. The solution is obvious though perhaps not easy to apply: always handle the most difficult job first.

    Years ago, I was asked to write 102 essays on the great ideas of some famous authors. Applying my own rule, I determined to write them in alphabetical(按字母顺序), never letting myself leave out a tough idea. And I always started the day's work with the difficult task of essay-writing. Experience proved that the rule works.

    Performance fatigue is more difficult to handle. Though willing to get started, we cannot seem to do the job right. Its difficulties appear so great that, however hard we work, we fail again and again. In such a situation, I work as hard as I can-then let the unconscious take over.

    When planning Encyclopaedia Britannica (《大英百科全书》), I had to create a table of contents based on the topics of its articles. Nothing like this had ever been done before, and day after dat I kept coming up with solutions, but none of them worked. My fatigue became almost unbearable.

    One day, mentally exhausted, I wrote down all the reasons why this problem could not be solved. I tried to convince myself that the trouble was with the problem itself, not with me. Relived, I sat back in an easy chair and fell asleep.

    An hour later, I woke up suddenly with the solution clearly in mind. In the weeks that followed, the solution which had come up in my unconscious mind provided correct at every step. Though I worked as hard as before, I felt no fatigue. Success was now as exciting as failure had been depressing.

    Human beings, I believe must try to succeed. Success, then, means never feeling tired.

    While small may be beautiful, tall is just plain uncomfortable it seems, particularly when it comes to staying in hotels and eating in restaurants.

    The Tall Persons Club Great Britain (TPCGB), which was formed six months ago to campaign for the needs of the tall, has turned its attention to hotels and restaurants. Beds that are too small, shower heads that are too low, and restaurant tables with hardly any leg-room all make life difficult for those of above average height, it says.

    But it is not just the extra-tall whose needs are not being met. The average height of the population has been increasing yet the standard size of beds, doorways, and chairs has remained unchanged.

    "The bedding industry says a bed should be six inches larger than the person using it, so even a king-size bed at 6′6″ (6 feet and 6 inches) is falling short for 25% of men, while the standard 6′3″ bed caters for less than half of the male population." Said TPCGB president Phil Heinricy, "seven-foot beds would work fine."

    Similarly, restaurant tables can cause no end of problems. Small tables, which mean the long-legged have to sit a foot or so away from them, are enough to make tall customers go elsewhere.

    Some have already taken note, however. At Queens Moat Houses′ Caledoman Hotel in Edinburgh, 6′6″ beds are now put in as standard after requests for longer beds from taller visitors, particularly Americans.