Sure, you talk to your parents, but what if you need to really talk? Maybe you have a problem you can't solve alone, or it could be that you want to feel closer to Mom and Dad.

    It's easy to say" Hi, Mom" or "Dad, can you pass the potatoes?", but it can be harder to start a discussion about tougher topics. When you were younger, it probably felt easy to tell your parents about your trouble. Even though you're older now, it's still perfectly OK to believe in your parents. In fact, it can help a lot.

    So why does it seem so uncomfortable at times? Why is it hard to bring up the important stuff? Sometimes kids don't speak up because they don't want to feel embarrassed. Let's face it—talking about personal stuff can make you feel embarrassed. But remember, your parents know you pretty well, and they were your age once, too! So don't let a little embarrassment stop you. It's OK to go ahead and share the personal stuff.

    Other times, kids might not want to make their parents anxious or upset. As you explain your problem, your mom might look sad or your dad might look worried. But that's OK. Your mom and dad can deal with knowing about your problem, big or small. That look on their face just means they care, and they feel for you. That's what families do—we feel for the people we love.

    Sometimes, kids don't bring up a problem because they just don't want to think about it. They hope it will just go away. When meeting a problem, they will likely choose not to face it or just keep it for themselves. But running away from a problem hardly ever solves it. And bottling up your feelings can make you feel stressed.

    Talking things over with a parent can help you feel less stressed. Together, you can think of ways to solve the problem and make you feel better. Just knowing your parent understands and cares about what you're going through can reduce your stress a lot.

    Next time a customer comes to your office, offer him a cup of coffee. And when you're doing your holiday shopping online, make sure you're holding a large glass of iced tea. The physical sensation (感觉) of warmth encourages emotional (情感的) warmth, while a cold drink in hand prevents you from making unwise decisions—those are the practical lesson being drawn from recent research by psychologist (心理学家) John A. Bargh.

    Psychologists have known that one person's perception (感知) of another's “warmth” is a powerful determiner in social relationships. Judging someone to be either “warm” or “cold” is a primary consideration, even trumping evidence that a “cold” person may be more capable (能干的). Much of this is rooted in very early childhood experiences, Bargh argues, when babies' sense of the world around them is shaped by physical sensations, particularly warmth and coldness.

    Feelings of “warmth” and “coldness” in social judgments appear to be universal. Although no worldwide study has been done, Bargh says that describing people as “warm” or “cold” is common to many cultures, and studies have found those perceptions influence judgment in dozens of countries.

    To test the relationship between physical and psychological warmth, Bargh conducted an experiment which involved 41 college students. A research assistant who was unaware of the study's hypotheses (假设), handed the students either a hot cup of coffee, or a cold drink, to hold while the researcher filled out a short information form: The drink was then handed back. After that, the students were asked to rate the personality of “Person A” based on a particular description. Those who had briefly held the warm drink regarded Person A as warmer than those who had held the iced drink.

    “We are grounded in our physical experiences even when we think abstractly (抽象的),” says Bargh.

    There are two great trends on parents bringing up children today．First，children are now praised to an unbelievable degree．As Dorothy Parker once joked，American children aren't raised；they are motivated．Children are constantly told how special they are．The second is that children are honed(磨砺) to an unimaginable degree．Parents spend much more time than in past generations on their children's development．

    These two great trends—greater praise and greater honing—combine in close ways. Parents shower their kids with affection，but it is intermingled with the desire to help their children achieve success．Parents are happy when their child studies hard，practices hard，wins first place，gets into a famous college．

The wolf of conditional love is hidden in these homes．The parents feel they love their children in all circumstances．But the children often think differently．They feel that childhood is a performance—on the athletic field，in school and beyond．The shadowy presence of conditional love produces a fear，the fear that there is no completely safe love．

    Meanwhile，children who are uncertain of their parents' love develop a great hunger for it. This conditional love is1ike an acid that affects children's criteria to make their own decisions about their own colleges，majors and careers．At key decision-points，they unconsciously imagine how their parents will react．

    These children tell their parents those things that will bring praise and hide the parts of their lives that won't. Studies suggest that children who receive conditional love often do better in the short run．They can be model students．But they suffer in the long run. They come to hate their parents．They are so influenced by fear that they become afraid of risk．

    Parents today are less likely to demand obedience(顺从) with explicit rules and lectures．But they are more likely to use love as a tool to exercise control. But parental love is supposed to ignore achievement. It's meant to be an unconditional support -a gift that can not be bought and cannot be earned．

    First, I want to tell you how proud we are. Getting into Columbia shows what a great well-rounded student you are. Your academic, artistic, and social skills have truly blossomed（开花）in the last few years. You have become a talented and accomplished young woman. You should be as proud of yourself as we are.

    College will be the most important years in your life. It is in college that you will truly discover what learning is about. I want to tell you: “education is what you have left after all that is taught is forgotten”. What I mean by that is the materials taught isn't as important as you gaining the ability to learn a new subject, and the ability to analyze a new problem. That is really what learning in college is about—this will be the period where you go from teacher-taught to master-inspired, after which you must become self-learner.

    Follow your passion in college. Take courses you think you will enjoy. Steve Jobs says when you are in college, your passion will create many dots, and later in your life you will connect them. In his great speech given at Stanford, he gave the great example where he took calligraphy（书法）, and a decade later, it became the basis of the beautiful letters in Microsoft Word. So don't worry too much about what job you will have, and don't be too utilitarian（功利的）, and if you like Japanese or Korean, go for it! Enjoy picking your dots, and be assured one day you will find your calling, and connect a beautiful curve through the dots.

    Most importantly, make friends and be happy. College friends are often the best in life, because during college you are closer to them physically than to your mom and I. Pick a few friends and become really close to them-pick the ones who are honest and sincere to you. Don't worry about their hobbies, grades, looks, or even personalities. You have developed some real friendships in high school in your last two years, so trust your instinct, and make new friends.

    College is the four years where you have the greatest amount of free time, the first chance to be independent, the most possibilities to change and the lowest risk for making mistakes. So please treasure your college years! May Columbia become the happiest four years in your life, and may you blossom into just what you dream to be.

    Mrs Smith trembled(颤抖)with excitement when she was told her fortunes(命运). "Somebody is coming home to you, " Mrs Gray said slowly. "He's carrying a rifle(步枪)on his back and he's almost there."

    Mrs Smith felt as if she could hardly breathe. "And there he is!"Mrs Gray cried, pointing to the road. They all rushed to the door to look.

    A man in a blue coat, with a gun on his back, was walking down the road toward the Smith farm. His face was hidden by a large pack on his back.

    Laughing and crying, Mrs Smith grabbed(抓住)her hat and her children and ran out of Mrs Gray's house. She hurried down the road after him, calling his name and pulling her children along with her. But the soldier was too far away for her voice to reach him.

    When she got back to their farm, she saw the man standing by the fence. He was looking at the little house and the field of yellow wheat. The sun was almost touching the hills in the west. The cowbells rang softly as the animals moved toward the barn(畜棚).

    "How peaceful it all is, "Private Smith thought." How far away from the battles, the hospitals, the wounded and the dead. My little farm in Wisconsin. How could I have left it for those years of killing and suffering?"

    Mrs Smith hurried up to her husband. Her feet made no sound on the grass, but he turned suddenly to face her. For the rest of his life, he would never forget her face at that moment.

    "Emma!" he cried.

    The children stood back watching their mother kissing this strange man. He saw them, and kneeling down, he pulled from his pack three huge red apples. In a moment, all three children were in their father's arms. Together, the family entered the little unpainted farmhouse.

    Later that evening, after supper, Smith and his wife went outside. The moon was bright, above the eastern hills. Sweet, peaceful stars filled the sky as the night birds sang softly.

    His farm needed work. His children needed clothing. He was no longer young and strong. But he began to plan for next year. With the same courage he had faced the war, Private Smith faced his difficult future.

    The morning after an evening struggle to care for my three-year-old daughter, I couldn't wait to get her to school. I, as a mother, was tired from the anger and her inability to communicate because of her slowed language development.

    As I accompanied her into the car, I felt desperate. Nothing was right with our world. She'd been born around the same time when the nation was witnessing the birth of another Great Recession. My job and my house had been victims. Then this happened. My child's language delay was identified, but doctors struggled to properly help her, I felt like we both needed to he rescued.

    I returned that afternoon as disenchanted with the little girl 1 loved as when 1 left. Walking slowly toward the school's playground gate, I found her preschool teacher racing to greet me.

    “You should have seen her today!” His breathy words were supported by excitement. I didn't interrupt. “See that climber.” He pointed to a wooden piece of playground equipment that looked like a rock wall. I nodded. “Well, every day since she started school, she's tried and failed to make it to the top.” He took a breath. “And today she did it!”

    He expressed his joy just as he'd witnessed her conquering Mount Everest! “She cheered and celebrated! I wish I'd recorded it!” His words comforted me. My daughter had conquered her mountain.

    As she ran toward me, I recognized something I hadn't before. I saw her perseverance(毅力). I saw her strength. I saw a Hero.

    Everyday greatness celebrates ordinary people who do unusual things in big and small ways, showing courage, kindness, love and selflessness. We encourage you to click these brief accounts and invite you to share your own story.