"Stop making excuses for him. Mom," I said. "But maybe he is feeling unwell..." Mom said. "Maybe nothing." I interrupted. I had been tending Mom since her health began to decline and this would be the first time in a year that my husband and I had a night out together. Jerry had promised to stay with Mom. But again he let us down. And more often than not, his drinking had a lot to do with it. His irresponsibility upset me.

    I remembered our happy growing-up years in a small town in West Virginia. With good family education. Jerry had been a kind kid. He was only 15 when Dad died. Unlike him, I got over the sorrow soon, but he started drinking. Soon he began hanging out with bad guys.

    Jerry and I didn't see each other often, but we talked on the phone. Usually, though, we ended up fighting. When Mom came to live with us, Jerry dropped in regularly at first, but after a while his visits became sporadic. He explained he couldn't handle seeing Mom in such a bad condition. Another excuse, I thought.

    One day I went to see the doctor about my back. It had been aching for months. "I can't find anything wrong with you physically," the doctor said. "But I can tell you're very tense. Is something bothering you?" I poured out my story about Jerry. "Do you think he's likely to change?" he asked. I shrugged."Probably not." "But, you can," he said gently.

    Me? Why did I have to change? He was the one who constantly let us down. But what had I done? Maybe the doctor was right. I couldn't love his behavior, but I could love him—the way 1 did when we were little. As I walked intothe house I sensed a relief.

    Jerry died young due to drinking. I miss him. But Pm grateful I was given the opportunity to show him I lovedhim—as he was, not as I wanted him to be.

Dear Graham,

    My partner and I have recently lost a pet quite suddenly. Normal life is continuing with so much sadness for my pet meant so much to me. Lots of people won't understand my feeling this way about the death of an animal. This obviously isn't the first time someone in my life has passed away: when I was younger we lost elderly relatives who I loved very much, and naturally much-loved family pets died occasionally too. But this has hit me so much harder. I put so much love into the relationship and I'm just finding it hard to get my head around the fact that it's gone.

    Thank you for taking the time to read this.

ANON, VIA EMAIL

Dear Anon,

    Something you loved deeply has gone from your life, so of course you are sad. We love our pets differently from family members or friends and part of that is because we know they will probably die before us. Our time with our dogs or cats is precious precisely because we understand it is limited.

    As humans, we go through most of life understanding we would die one day. But animals don't. We are the keeper of the secret. Of course, living a life unencumbered(不受妨碍) by thoughts of death means that our pets, in general, lead very simple, happy lives. It's one of the reasons why they are such a joy to be round. You are, of course, correct when you say that many people don't understand your grief, so don't talk to them. Share your feelings with like-minded souls. I'm sure a simple search online will reveal many practical advice for moving on.

    And when you are ready, you can welcome another animal into your life and then you will enjoy happiness again.

GRAHAM, VIA EMAIL

    Imagine yourself on a boat looking out at the horizon and all you can see is the water meeting the sky with no land in sight and you are sailing straight ahead to meet the world. Jesse Martin does not have to imagine: he is living in it.

    On Dec. 7, 1998, at 17 years old, Jesse set sail from Melbourne, Australia on his boat, attempting to become the youngest person to sail alone and nonstop around the world. He sailed south of New Zealand, through the South Pacific, around South America, north on the Atlantic, back south past Africa, through the Indian Ocean and back to Melbourne. Even as a young child, Jesse had been an adventurer who traveled all over Europe and Asia with his parents. Born in Munich, Germany in 1981, he moved to Australia with his family when he was only two years old. They moved close to a rainforest in Cow Bay, about 3, 500kms north of Melbourne, where they built a small house with no electricity or running water. Jesse grew up at the beach enjoying the outdoors to its fullest. At 14, he sailed for the first time with his father and brother, Beau. It was after this trip that he began to dream about sailing around the world.

    Jesse's family played an important role. "I was made to believe I could do anything, although there were others that were not so encouraging or supportive" he says. "People that I looked up to, respected and trusted told me I couldn't. Thankfully, I trusted myself. There were people that said that the boat couldn't be ready by the time I had to leave." However, through perseverance (坚持不懈) and belief in himself, he was able to do what many told him was impossible.

    On Oct.31, 1999, more than 10 months after he set sail, Jesse Martin went down in history as the youngest person to sail around the world alone, nonstop and unassisted.

    New study shows that when teachers participate in a training program focused on prosocial (亲社会的) classroom behavior, their students are better able to control their emotions, and that children who can regulate emotions are more likely to be academically successful.

    For the study, which appears in Prevention Science, researchers looked at more than 100 teachers and 1,817 students from kindergarten to third grade to see if teachers could support students' emotional and behavioral growth through the Incredible Years Teacher Classroom Management (IYTCM) program.

    The program uses videos and training sessions, along with role-playing and coaching, to help teachers learn management skills such as using behavior-specific praise, building positive relationships with students, and considering how to reduce poor behavior. Teachers in the training group increased interactions with students by 64 percent compared with 53 percent for teachers in the control group without the training.

    "Emotional regulation is the ability to recognize what behavior is appropriate in the present situation," says Wendy Reinke, professor in the College of Education at the University of Missouri. "For example, a student might have difficulty controlling the feeling of anger if he or she becomes annoyed with another student. But under this program, the teacher encourages them to move to a different spot in the classroom, effectively teaching them that sometimes stepping away and taking a break is a good way to calm down and manage8ha8feeling."

    After one school year of using the program in classrooms, students improved their social ability and ability to regulate their emotions. These improvements resulted in an increase in the tests for students in Incredible Years classrooms vs. students in control classrooms. And this classroom management approach can help reduce the risk for struggling learners early on, which could help prevent more accumulative support needs in a child's future.

    To develop one's taste in English, the most effective way is to read English books extensively. Yet one may be at a loss to choose the appropriate books, especially as a beginner. As a native Spanish, I would like to share some of my experience.

    My first English novel was Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice, recommended by many English teachers and professors as an ideal book for English learners. But my experience was somewhat disastrous. I had great difficulty in understanding the novel, let alone enjoying it. It's not the vocabulary that troubled me, but rather the way Austen constructs sentences, and her way of thinking, which seemed too remote to me at that time. My fading enthusiasm was much recovered after reading Hemingway's novel A Farewell to Arms. No long and complicated sentences. And I particularly liked his brief and straightforward (简洁的) style. So my first suggestion is, as a beginner, you'd better choose contemporary novels instead of classical ones.

    However, if you restrict yourself to novels you will miss a lot of treasures. English essays can at once inform you, entertain you, and improve your taste in English. The best example is Bertrand Russell's work. Its language is plain, yet you cannot help feeling the elegance and the peculiar sense of humor. His simple language enables his philosophy within the reach of ordinary people. Here comes my second suggestion—essays are indispensable.

    Never follow others' recommendations and opinions blindly, however famous or influential (有很大影响的) the person might be. We should be open to various ideas, but always think and determine for ourselves. As a saying goes, one man's meat is another man's poison. With that in mind, we are bound to find out our favorite writers through reading and develop our fine taste in English.

    There were smiling children all the way. Clearly they knew at what time the train passed their homes and they made it their business to stand along the railway, wave to complete strangers and cheer them up as they rushed towards Penang. Often whole families stood outside their homes and waved and smiled as if those on the trains were their favorite relatives. This is the simple village people of Malaysia. I was moved.

    I had always traveled to Malaysia by plane or car, so this was the first time I was on a train. I did not particularly(特别) relish the long train journey and had brought along many magazines to read and reread. I looked about the train. There was not one familiar face. I sighed and sat down to read my Economics.

    It was not long before the train was across the Causeway and in Malaysia. Johor Bahru was just a city like Singapore, so I was tired of looking at the crowds of people as they hurried past. As we went beyond the city, I watched the straight rows of rubber trees and miles and miles of green. Then the first village came into sight. Immediately I came alive, I decided to wave back.

    From then on, my journey became interesting. I threw my magazines into the waste basket and decided to join in Malaysian life. Then everything came alive. The mountains seemed to speak to me. Even the trees were smiling. I stared at everything as if I was looking at it for the first time.

    The day passed fast and I even forgot to have my lunch until I felt hungry. I looked at my watch and was surprised that it was 3:00 pm. Soon the train pulled up at Butterworth. I looked at the people all round me. They all looked beautiful. When my uncle arrived with a smile, I threw my arms around him to give him a warm hug. I had never done this before. He seemed surprised and then his weather-beaten face warmed up with a huge smile. We walked arm in arm to his car.

    I looked forward to the return journey.