For many parents, raising a teenager is like fighting a long war, but years go by without any clear winner. Like a border conflict between neighboring countries, the parent-teen war is about boundaries: Where is the line between what I control and what you do?

    Both sides want peace, but neither feels it has any power to stop the conflict. In part, this is because neither is willing to admit any responsibility for starting it. From the parents' point of view, the only cause of their fight is their adolescents' complete unreasonableness. And of course, the teens see it in exactly the same way, except oppositely. Both feel trapped.

In this article, I'll describe three no-win situations that commonly arise between teens and parents and then suggest some ways out of the trap. The first no-win situation is quarrels over unimportant things. Examples include the color of the teen's hair, the cleanliness of the bedroom, the preferred style of clothing, the child's failure to eat a good breakfast before school, or his tendency to sleep until noon on the weekends. Second, blaming. The goal of a blaming battle is to make the other admit that his bad attitude is the reason why everything goes wrong. Third, needing to be right. It doesn't matter what the topic is —politics, the laws of physics, or the proper way to break an egg—the point of these arguments is to prove that you are right and the other person is wrong, for both wish to be considered an authority—someone who actually knows something—and therefore to command respect. Unfortunately, as long as parents and teens continue to assume that they know more than the other, they'll continue to fight these battles forever and never make any real progress.

    It'll soon be the birthday of one of my closest friends, Susie. I still cannot decide what to give her. She's a rare friend because she has been there for me all the time whenever I need a friend to talk to. I can always depend on her to be the first to arrive to give me advice when I have problems. I guess I am so lucky to have her as a friend.

    It's more than seven years since I first met Susie in our school. I joined the theater group and she was a director then. At first I thought she was intimidating but in the end I realized that she needed to keep a strict image in order for her actors and actresses to take her seriously. And then during practice I got a chance to know her better. In fact, she was a friendly and warm-hearted person. Soon we become good friends.

    I don't know exactly what to give my friend on her birthday as I believe she has everything. So it's really hard to buy her a gift she will like. This year I want something different and special but I don't know what to give. One day I searched the internet without any purpose and to my surprise there is a really lovely site where you can buy all kinds of gifts.

    I scanned（浏览）some of their items and I found cool and exciting gifts. I chose a special personalized bracelet（手镯）. I'm sure that this will look perfect on her. I put our arms as part of the design of the bracelet so that it'll remind us that we'll forever be friends. I can't wait to give her my gift but I won't tell her yet. I don't want to destroy the surprise.

A warm drink of milk before bed has long been the best choice for those wanting a good night's sleep. But now a study has found it really does help people nod off—if it is milked from a cow at night.

    Researchers have discovered that “night milk” contains more melatonin(褪黑激素), which has been proven to help people feel sleepy and reduce anxiety.

    The study, by researchers from Seoul, South Korea, involved mice being fed with dried milk powder made from cows milked both during the day and at night.

    Those given night milk, which contained 10 times the amount of melatonin, were less active and less anxious than those fed with the milk collected during daytime, according to the study published in The Journal of Medicinal Food.

    Night milk quickened the start of sleep and caused the mice to sleep longer.

    While the effect of cow's milk harvested at different time has not been tested on humans up to now, taking melatonin drugs has been suggested to those who are struggling to fall asleep at night.

    Previous studies have also indicated that milk can be excellent for helping sleep because of the calcium content, which helps people to relax.

    Milk is also sugar-free and additive-free with nutritionists recommending skimmed milk as the best choice before bed as it is the least fattening. The more fat you take in before bedtime, the greater burden you will put on your body at night.

    Last summer I sat at a long picnic table near a breathtaking mountain. While the parents were eating dinner, the kids ran up a trail in search of a secret fort. Twenty minutes later one excited little boy, James, interrupted the adult conversation.

    “Mom, Mom, you can't believe what we found!”

    Lovingly, his mother smiled and whispered, “I can't wait to hear, James, but grown-ups are talking, and there will be a pause in the conversation. Please wait for the pause.”

    On my other side, another boy came running up to his mother with equal enthusiasm.

    “Mom, Mom, we had so much fun—”

    “I am talking! Don't interrupt,” she said.

    “But, Mom—”

    “Be quiet! Can't you see that I am talking?”

    “But Mom we found the—”

    “Shut up, Steve!” she yelled.

    My heart sank. I knew what was coming. James, on my right, patiently waited for the pause, enthusiasm still alive and well. Steve, on my left, walked away from the table, looking shamed, carrying with him stories of secret forts never to be shared.

    What markedly different messages to the child! “Wait for the pause” versus “Shut up” gets incorporated (包含)so differently into a child's developing sense of self.

    Harsh(刺耳的) words have bad effects. That's why I want you to promise to delete the phrases “Shame on you” or “You should be ashamed” from your vocabulary. I have seen countless patients whose parents' thoughtless words echoed in their heads and chipped(消除) away at their self-worth, even decades later.

    So we have to discipline ourselves to make our instructions constructive. One great tool is to look for positive behavior to reinforce. Don't ignore the things that your kids are doing right. Thank your children. Tell them that you noticed how they waited patiently or cleared their plate without being asked. Chances are that they will do it again. Let them feel noticed, appreciated, and valued. There's no better way to shape behavior.

    One of the most important things in the world is friendship. In order to have friends, you have to be a friend. But how can you be a good friend at school?

    Listen — Listen when they are talking. Don't say anything unless they ask you a question. Sometimes it's not necessary for you to have anything to say; they just need someone to talk to about their feelings.

    Help them — If your friend is ever in need of something, be there to help them. You should try to put them first, but make sure you don't do everything they want you to do. Try to take an extra (额外的) pencil or pen with you to classes in case (以防) they forget one. Have a little extra money in your pocket in case they forget something they need.

    Be there for them — Try to make something for your friend to help make them feel better in hard times. Making cards and encouraging them are among the nicest things you can do for a friend. Marilyn Monroe, a famous U.S. actor, once said, “I often make mistakes. Sometimes I am out of control. But if you can't stay with me at my worst, you are sure not to deserve (值得) to be with me at my best.” Always remember this! If you don't want to stay with your friends when they're in hard times, then you don't deserve to be with them when they're having a good time!

    Make plans — Try to make plans with your friends. Go shopping, go for ice cream, have a party, go to a movie and so on. Take time to know each other even better by doing something you both enjoy. By planning things together, you both can have a good time. And you'll remember these things when you're all old!

    Not long ago, a good friend of mine asked me to help him in a halfway house in Nashville. I agreed and made my way there one evening.

    When I got there, I sat with my friend and talked about how he ended up there. As we talked, another man came up, lighting up his cigarette as he sat down. He had dark, leather skin, and looked like he had endured the sun, the rain, and the wind for long, long time. I couldn't tell how old he was, but I was sure that he was younger than he looked.

    Through a bit of conversation, I found out that he had been on the streets for many, many years.

    Without my asking, he started describing life as a homeless man. How he got food; how he stayed warm; how he got money. And he told me something that caught my attention.

    He said, "You want to know how I keep my stuff safe at night?"

    "Sure," I replied.

    "I put it up in the trees."

    "Why is it safe in the trees?" I asked.

"The homeless are always looking for treasure on the ground— coins, something someone's dropped, half-smoked cigarettes. I know if I put my stuff in the trees, they'll never find it because they never look up. Never. "

    Profound words from an unexpected place. And his message is for all of us.

We all have our particular search. We're looking for treasure on this earth. But what we are REALLY looking for is right there above us. There's really nothing we need on the ground.

    In fact, it's surrounding us.