Visitors to the grounds of New College at England's Oxford University pass under an iron gate with the advice: Manners make the man. Even after an appropriate update to: Manners make the person, it's thought-provoking(引人深思的)—especially to today's Americans.

    When we think about what makes the person—it's more likely the degree, the job, the salary. Since when do we count manners as a measure of success?

    We do know that these would make life nicer, if more tolerable. However, we forget or overlook our manners. So , it seems, does everyone else—including, unluckily, our children.

    As a university president, one of my great joys is to visit our campuses and see our students, though we're separated by different generations, interests, and, of course dressing, each student tells me something within the first few minutes that we meet: whether he or she has been taught manners. I sense this in different ways: through her words or her gestures, in the way she listens or how he refers to friends and faculty, how she greets and says goodbye, how he responds when an elderly person enters the room.

    In the absence of manners, however, I make some allowances. For instance, the many ethnic(种族的)groups that students represent often have different explanations of what makes up good manners. In other cases, some students may reject what they've learned to break from their parents and be accepted by other students. Whether students are being different or openly opposing, a recent experience I had with them tells me that there's some hope for reviving and good manners.

    Good manners don't just guarantee acceptance. Good manners open doors to deeper connections and more meaningful roles in our society. Good manners are gentle signals that show we care about one another and allow us to relate to another person in a thoughtful way but at a respectable distance.

    How often do you let other people like a bad driver, a rude waiter, or an angry boss, change your mood?

    Sixteen years ago I learned a lesson. I got in a taxi, and we took off for Grand Central Station. We were driving in the right lane when all of a sudden, a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver used his brakes, the tires made a loud noise, and at the very last moment our car stopped just 3cm from the back of the other car.

    I couldn't believe it. But then I couldn't believe what happened next. The driver of the other car, the guy who almost caused a big accident, turned his head around and he started shouting at us. I couldn't believe it!

    My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. So, I said, “Why did you just do that? This guy could have killed us!” And this is when my taxi driver told me what I now call, “The Law of the Garbage Truck”. He said, “Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of anger and disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they look for a place to dump it. And if you let them, they'll dump it on you.”

    So I started thinking how often I let Garbage Trucks run right over me and how often I take their garbage and spread it to other people.

    I began to see Garbage Trucks. I see the load people are carrying. I see them coming to dump it. And like my taxi driver, I don't take it personally. I just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on.

    Over the years, Brian Wansink, director of the Food and Brand Lab at Cornell University, has studied such things as how far Americans typically drive to buy food, how many times we refill our plates at all-you-can-eat buffets and how we organize our kitchens. In the mid-2000s he famously coined the phrase "mindless eating"(and wrote a book by that name) to focus attention on all the bad dietary decisions we make without really thinking about them.

    His new book, Slim by Design: Mindless Eating Solutions for Everyday Life, aims to change the design of restaurants, school lunchrooms, office cafeterias and homes so that the mindless choices we make will be more healthful ones. Some examples:

    Keep kitchen counters clear. No visible snack food, no bread, no nuts — not even breakfast cereal. In Wansink's research, "women who had even one box of breakfast cereal that was visible — anywhere in their kitchen — weighed 21 pounds more than their neighbor who didn't."

    Trick yourself into drinking less wine. "We tend to focus on the height of what we pour and not the width, so we pour 12 percent less wine into taller wineglasses than we pour into wider wineglasses." And the shape of the glass is not the only variable that affects how much we drink. Wansink writes: "Because red wine is easier to see than white wine, we pour 9 percent less red wine whenever we pour a glass."

    Wansink said his researchers also found that people ate less at restaurants when sat in well-lighted areas near windows and doors, than in darker areas or in the back. They ate less if they were offered a doggie bag, or to-go box, before they got their meals: apparently the idea of getting a "free" second meal outweighed the impulse (冲动) to clean their plates. Workers who frequently ate at their desks weighed 15.4 pounds less, on average, than those who didn't. Fruits and vegetables kept on the top shelf of the refrigerator were eaten at higher rates than those on lower shelves.

    The point, Wansink says, is to consider findings like those and change your environment or habits. Then you won't have to think about it: You'll just eat less.

    I was getting ready to go to bed when the phone rang. This could not be good. My mind raced through the list of family members who might need help, but the voice was hardly familiar.

    "Lindy, this is Lesley." I didn't know Lesley well. We did occasionally speak with each other, but to say we were friends was not appropriate. I asked what she needed. Perhaps something really awful caused her to reach someone she barely knew. Instead, she asked me, "Do you have room for a turkey? In your freezer?" We had lots of room in our freezer, and in fact, too much. Sure." I responded, "Did your freezer break down?" "Not exactly," Lesley replied, "but I will explain when I arrive."

    Minutes later came a huge freezer truck, Lesley stepped down and explained the lease(租约) of the grocery store her husband serviced had run out and that they had to empty all the freezers that very night. Thinking it was a shame to throw away all this good food, they decided to drop off food to anyone she could think of. Noticing our freezer was pretty empty, Lesley asked to fill it up. Our home was their last stop and anything left would have to be put in our freezer. An hour later, everything finished, I asked her, "When will you come back for all this T' Lesley laughed, "We don't want it back. It is yours! Thanks for helping us out!" Then they waved goodbye and drove away.

    "For helping them out?" We opened our freezer door. Inside were all expensive foods we never bought but often longed to try. We were struggling to buy groceries, yet it was not something we shared with anyone. However, our needs were met in an unexpected way, by that call, "Do you have room for a turkey?"

    Sports can help you keep fit and get in touch with nature. However, whether you are on the mountains, in the waves, or on the grassland, you should be aware that your sport of choice might have great influence on the environment.

    Some sports are resource-hungry. Golf, as you may know, eats up not only large areas of countryside, but also tons of water. Besides, all sorts of chemicals and huge amounts of energy are used to keep its courses (球场) in good condition. This causes major environmental effects. For example, in the dry regions of Portugal and Spain, golf is often held responsible for serious water shortage in some local areas.

    There are many environment-friendly sports. Power walking is one of them that you could take up today. You don't need any special equipment except a good pair of shoes; and you don't have to worry about resources and your purse. Simple and free, power walking can also keep you fit. If you walk regularly, it will be good for your heart and bones. Experts say that 20 minutes of power walking daily can make you feel less anxious, .sleep well and have better weight control.

    Whatever sport you take up, you can make it greener by using environment-friendly equipment and buying products made from recycled materials. But the final goal should be "green gyms". They are better replacements for traditional health clubs and modem sports centers. Members of green gyms play sports outdoors, in the countryside or other open spaces. There is no special requirement for you to start your membership. And best of all, it's free.

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