What makes a person a giver or a taker? The idea of “give versus take” takes shape in all relationships of our lives. We're either giving advice, making time for people, or we're on the receiving end. We alternate between the two based on different situations we face on a daily basis, it not an hourly one.

    According to Adam Grant, a professor at Pennsylvania University, most people are matchers. They make careful observations on takers and make it a point for them to pay something back. They hate to see people who act so generously towards others without receiving any reward. Actually, most matchers will try to promote and support givers so that they can get the good they deserve.

    Another professor named Hannah Rile Bowles, from Harvard University, led a study on the idea. She asked 200 senior managers to sit down in pairs where one person would act as the boss and the other as an employee to negotiate salary promotions. Male employees asked for an average salary of $146 k while the females asked for only $141 k. But why did they not bargain as hard as the men? Simply because they were more likely to be givers.

    As a woman, I do enjoy the act of giving up my time, my knowledge and my care and attention to others. I don't expect anything in return, but I do tend to pull myself away when I feel like I'm being taken for granted. I also tend to get upset when I see a loved one's continuous actions of kindness go unnoticed. So it's safe to say I'm 50% giver,35% matcher and 15% taker.

    I do know someone, however, who is 99% giver. They're devoting their time, sharing valuable insights and going out of their way for everyone who crosses their path. Although they've changed the lives of many people, they rarely see any of it returned. But the universe is slowly repaying them; they're now extremely successful, well known for what they do.

    My professor brother and I have an argument about head and heart, about whether he overvalues IQ while I lean more toward EQ. We commonly have this debate about people—can you be friends with a really smart jerk（怪物）?—but that also applies to animals as well .I'd love it if our dog could fetch the morning paper and then read it to me over coffee, but I actually care much more about her loyal and innocent heart. There's already enough thinking going on in our house, and we probably spend too much time in our heads. Where we need some role modeling is in instinct, and that's where a dog is a vivid example.

    I did not grow up with dogs, which meant that my older daughter's respectful but firm determination to get one required some adjustment on my part. I often felt she was training me: from ages of 6 to 9, she gently schooled me in various breeds and their personalities, whispered to the dogs we met with so they would charm and persuade me, demonstrated by her self-discipline that she was ready for the responsibility. And thus came our dog Twist, whom I sometimes mistake for a third daughter.

    At first I thought the challenge would be to train her to sit, to follow, to walk calmly beside us and not go wildly chasing the neighborhood rabbits. But I soon discovered how much more we had to learn from her than she from us.

    If it is true, for example, that the secret to a child's success is less rare genius than raw persistence, Twist's ability to stay on task is a model for us all, especially if the task is trying to capture the sunbeam that touches softly around the living room as the wind blows through the branches outside. She never succeeds, and she never gives up. This includes when she runs straight into walls.

    Then there is her unfailing patience, which breaks down only when she senses that dinnertime was 15 minutes ago and we have somehow failed to notice. Even then she is more eager than annoyed, and her refusal to complain shows a self control of which I'm not always capable when hungry.

    But the lesson I value most is the one in forgiveness, and Twist first offered this when she was still very young. When she was about 7 months old, we took her to the vet to be spayed（切除卵巢）. We turned her over to a stranger, who was to perform a procedure that was probably not pleasant. But when the vet returned her to us, weak and tender, there was no accusation, no how could you do that to me? It was as though she already knew that we would not intentionally cause her pain, and while she did not understand, she forgave and curled up with her head on my daughter's lap.

    I suppose we could have concluded that she was just blindly loyal and obedient. But eventually we knew better. She is entirely capable of disobedience, as she has proved many times. She will ignore us when there are more interesting things to look at, scold us when we are careless, bark into the twilight when she has urgent messages to send. But her patience with our failings and carelessness and her willingness to give us a second chance are a daily lesson in gratitude.

    My friends who grow up with dogs tell me how when they were teenagers and trusted no one in the world, they could tell their dog all their secrets. It was the one friend who would not gossip or betray, could provide in the middle of the night the soft, unselfish comfort and peace that adolescence plots to disturb. An age that is all about growth and risk needs some anchors and weights, a stable model when all else is changing. Sometimes I think Twist's devotion keeps my girls on a benevolent leash, one that hangs quietly at their side as they walk fast along but occasionally pulls them back to safety and solid ground.

We've weighed so many decisions so carefully in raising our daughters—what school to send them to and what church to attend, when to give them cell phones and with what precautions. But when it comes to what really shapes their character and binds our family, I never would have thought we would owe so much to its smallest member.

    Children who often move house are more likely to suffer poor health, research suggests. Moving several times before the age of 18 can affect the health, psychological distress and increase the chance that a child may use illegal drugs.

    The study included information for 850 people, followed-up for a period of 20 years. Scientists found changing home several times could cause psychological distress in children.

    By the age of 18, 59 percent had moved house once or twice while one in five had moved at least three times. Some 20 percent had stayed in the same house during their childhood.

    Children of single parents or those with step-parents were more likely to move home, as were those with two or three brothers or sisters. Those with four or more brothers and sisters were more likely to stay in the same house.

    Experts found that people who moved at least once had an increased risk of poor health, some of this could be because of changing schools. Those who had moved three times or more were three times as likely to have had suicidal thoughts as those who stayed in the same house.

    Dr Denise Brown said, “For many people, moving house is a good experience as it may lead to improved family conditions. But for some family members, especially children, moving can be bad and may lead to poor health outcomes and behaviors in adulthood. The bad effect on health in adulthood appears to be somewhat accounted for by a high number of school moves.”

    My husband David was waiting at the door when our daughter Laura and I pulled in the driveway. It wasn't like him to be home so early. The disbelief on his face told me that something was up.

    "Do you still have a job?"

    "No. Redundant," he answered, looking away from me.

    "OK. We'll figure it out," I replied calmly.

    I actually had no idea how we were going to figure it out. I immediately started to think of how we'd cut costs and who we should start to get in touch with. That night, after David had fallen asleep, I cried myself to sleep, and frequently sobbed in the shower in the days that followed.

    I knew the loss of David's income would have great effect on us. He had worked for the same insurance company for twenty-one years and was our main income. I work at home caring for Laura, and my freelance(自由职业者的)income is uncertain. We have debts, and job hunting takes time.

    Still, I was more concerned about my husband's emotional state than our financial situation. David's sense of identity was tied to his job. He called his parents to tell them about losing his job, but didn't say a word to anyone else for weeks. He told me that he felt like "a failure".

It was tough for me to watch David struggle with unemployment. One night a couple of weeks after he lost his job, David woke me just before midnight, sweating, pacing the bedroom floor and saying he felt funny. We spent the night in the emergency room waiting to see if he had a heart attack. Thankfully, it was just a serious anxiety attack. It was then that I knew I needed to do more to understand what my husband was going through. Here is what I learned from my own experience—and from talking to experts—on how to support your spouse through a job loss.

Have you ever heard of the phrase "we just can't communicate"? Most people communicate with the ability to read or write well. This might not be the case as you will soon find out.

How many times have you been to the doctor's office and listened to an educated professional explain something to you that is just unintelligible. These people keep asking you, "Do you understand?" and sometimes out of embarrassment because you don't want to look like stupid, you tell them. "Yes, I do understand." This isn't a good way to communicate, either.

How do we communicate in a positive way to get our points across? Ask the persons you are communicating with if they understand what you just said. In another case, if someone is talking to you, use the statement, "Just to make sure that I understand what you just said" and then repeat back your understanding of their conversation. Sometimes just asking a few simple questions and clarifying your understanding can bring great benefits to any communication.

    In some countries like Japan, you might find them reading your body language more than the words you are communicating with. Sometimes just by the way someone stands or reacts to something you said, you can get a valuable insight to what the other person means in this conversation. Don't forget, however, this could also lead to a misunderstanding. Again if you think someone is communicating with their body language, try not to assume that you know exactly what message they are trying to get across. Always ask them if they understand what you are talking about.

    A person is responsible for what he says and to make sure that the other person completely understands the point he is trying to get across. Why not start using some of the simple skills in this article to help with your communication skill? You will start to see the benefits within a short period of time.