Phrases like “tiger mom" and "helicopter parent” have made their way into everyday language. Many of us find ourselves drawn to the idea that with just a bit more parental hard work and effort, we might turn out children with bright futures. But is there anything wrong with a kind of“over parenting style”?

    Parental involvement has a long history of being studied. Many of the studies, conducted by Diana Baumrind, a famous psychologist at the University of California, Berkeley, have found that a good parent is the one who is involved and reacts to her child in a positive way, who sets high expectations but gives her child independence. These “authoritative parents”appear to hit the sweet spot of parental involvement and generally raise children who do better academically, psychologically and socially than children whose parents are not strict and less involved, or controlling and more involved. Why is this parenting style so successful?

    Authoritative parents actually help improve motivation in their children. Carol Dweck, a social psychologist at Stanford University, has done research that indicates why authoritative parents raise more motivated children. In a typical experiment, Dr. Dweck takes young children into a room and asks them to solve a simple puzzle. Most do so with little difficulty. Butthen Dr. Dweck tells some, but not all, of the kids how clever they are. As it turns out, the children who are not told they're smart are more motivated to solve increasingly difficult puzzles. They also show higher levels of confidence and show greater progress in puzzle-solving.

    As the experiment suggests, praising children's talents and abilities seems to shake their confidence. Dealing with more difficult puzzles carries the risk of losing one's status as “smart”. Dr. Dweck's work strongly supports that of Dr. Baumrind, who also found that reasonably supporting a child's independence and limiting interference (干涉) causes better academic and emotional results.

    The central task of growing up is to develop a sense of self that is independent and confident. If you treat your young child who is just learning to walk as if she can't walk, you reduce her confidence. Allowing children to make mistakes is one of the greatest challenges of parenting. It is easier when they are young. The potential mistakes carry greater risks, and part of being a parent is reducing risk for our children.

    Coca-Cola has created a publicity stunt (作秀) in Singapore — a vending machine (自动售货机) which gives out free cans of Coke in return for (作为对…回报) hugs. The whacky idea is part of the company's Open Haziness campaign (运动) designed to attract young people in Singapore.

    Students at the National University of Singapore were surprised to find that the soft drinks company had placed the machine in the schoolyard. But instead of the drinks brand's logo (标志), the words “Hug Me” are written across its red-and-white logo. Instead of paying money, customers have to hug the drinks machine to receive a free can of Coke.

    Public displays of affection are uncommon and have long been discouraged in Singapore, but are on the rise among young people. The move is part of a campaign created by advertising firm Ogilvy & Mather, intended to let the youth to see the brand as a non-threatening (无威胁的) friend.

    Leonardo O'Grady, leader of the campaign, said, “Happiness is contagious (传染的). The Coca-Cola Hug Machine is a single idea to spread some happiness. We want to spread happiness in an unexpected, creative way to attract not only the people present, but the audience at large.”

    He hopes that it will encourage consumers to bring positivity, optimism (乐观) and fun into their lives and to open a Coke, sharing a little happiness.

    The machines haw been such a success that there are plans to roll them out across Asia. Mr. O'Grady added, “The reaction was amazing — at one point we had four to five people hugging the machine at the same time as well as each other! In fact, there was a long line of people looking to give hugs.”

    A good teacher is many things to many people. In my own experience, the people I respect the most and think about the most are the teachers who demanded the most discipline (纪律) from their students.

    I miss one teacher in particular that I had in high school. I think she was a good teacher because she was a very strict person. I remember very clearly a sign on her classroom door. It was a simple sign that said,    "Laboratory: in this room the first five letters of the word was stressed not the last seven." In other words, labor for her was more important than oratory, which means making speeches.

    She prepared her work very carefully and told us to do the same. We got lots of homework from her. Once she had broken her arm, and everybody in the class thought that maybe the homework load would be reduced, but it continued just the same. She checked our work by stamping her name at the bottom of the papers to show that she had read them.

    I think sometimes teachers who demand the most are liked the least. But as time goes by, this discipline really seems to benefit the students.

    Chimps will cooperate in certain ways, like gathering in war parties to protect their territory. But beyond the minimum requirements as social beings, they have little instinct to help one another. Chimps in the wild seek food for themselves. Even chimp mothers regularly decline to share food with their children, who are able from a young age to gather their own food.

In the laboratory, chimps don't naturally share food either. If a chimp is put in a cage where he can pull in one plate of food for himself or, with no great effort, a plate that also provides food for a neighbor to the next cage, he will pull at random —he just doesn't care whether his neighbor gets fed or not. Chimps are truly selfish.

    Human children, on the other hand are extremely cooperative. From the earliest ages, they decide to help others, to share information and to participate in achieving common goals. The psychologist Michael Tomasello has studied this cooperativeness in a series of experiments with very young children. He finds that if babies aged 18 months see an unrelated adult with hands full trying to open a door, almost all will immediately try to help.

    There are several reasons to believe that the urges to help, inform and share are not taught .but naturally possessed in young children. One is that these instincts appear at a very young age before most parents have started to train children to behave socially. Another is that the helping behaviors are not improved if the children are rewarded. A third reason is that social intelligence develops in children before their general cognitive (认知的) skills, at least when compared with chimps. In tests conducted by Tomasello, the children did no better than the chimps on the physical world tests, but were considerably better at understanding the social world.

    The core of what children's minds have and chimps' don't is what Tomasello calls shared intentionality. Part of this ability is that they can infer what others know or are thinking. But beyond that, even very young children want to be part of a shared purpose. They actively seek to be part of a “we”, a group that intends to work toward a shared goal.

    I was getting ready to go to bed when the phone rang. This could not be good. My mind raced through the list of family members who might need help, but the voice was hardly familiar.

    "Lindy, this is Lesley." I didn't know Lesley well. We did occasionally speak with each other, but to say we were friends was not appropriate. I asked what she needed. Perhaps something really awful caused her to reach someone she barely knew. Instead, she asked me, "Do you have room for a turkey? In your freezer?" We had lots of room in our freezer, and in fact, too much. Sure." I responded, "Did your freezer break down?" "Not exactly," Lesley replied, "but I will explain when I arrive."

    Minutes later came a huge freezer truck, Lesley stepped down and explained the lease(租约) of the grocery store her husband serviced had run out and that they had to empty all the freezers that very night. Thinking it was a shame to throw away all this good food, they decided to drop off food to anyone she could think of. Noticing our freezer was pretty empty, Lesley asked to fill it up. Our home was their last stop and anything left would have to be put in our freezer. An hour later, everything finished, I asked her, "When will you come back for all this T' Lesley laughed, "We don't want it back. It is yours! Thanks for helping us out!" Then they waved goodbye and drove away.

    "For helping them out?" We opened our freezer door. Inside were all expensive foods we never bought but often longed to try. We were struggling to buy groceries, yet it was not something we shared with anyone. However, our needs were met in an unexpected way, by that call, "Do you have room for a turkey?"

    Whenever I talk about personality (个性) in relation to choosing a career, someone always complains like this: those tests are so stupid. When I was in the sixth grade, I took one of them and it said that I should be a farmer. While I don't think I would be a very good farmer, the results are probably a lot more accurate (准确) than I'd like to admit. At the time, it seemed ridiculous­I hated the outdoors and physical work, and was particularly sick of being dirty or sweaty. Now, though, as I think in terms of personality, it might have had something to do with my personality: I like long­term planning, working by myself, and being the master of my own fate.

    Personality tests are various, and some are complete nonsense. Be careful of any personality test that claims to be capable of concluding what your dream job is from your favorite food for breakfast, or by the type of animal you like best. While there are many personality assessments (评估) that are very accurate, I'd love to say that they are a second (and often expensive) step. The best choice is to find out about yourself for yourself.

    Before determining the ways to examine your work preferences, it's important to know the difference between liking a topic and liking the work. I once had a young guy who was a third­year marine (海洋的) biology student at a large state school in Ohio. He applied for and was placed into the Whale Watch program, where he found out that he became terribly seasick on any kind of boat­a big disadvantage for a student who thought he wanted to study whales in the wild.