Making and Keeping Friends Is More than Child's Play

    When 6-year­-old Rachel returned to school on a recent Monday morning, her eyes immediately scanned the playground for her friend Abbie. “Though they were only separated by a weekend, the girls ran right into each other's arms and hugged,” recalls Rachel's mother Kathryn Willis of Gilbert. “It was like a scene from a movie.”

    Most parents instinctively (本能地) know that having friends is good for their child. Experts agree that friendship isnot simply child's play, but a powerful predictor of social adjustment throughout life.

A Skill for Life

  “Childhood friendships serve as a very important training ground for adulthood,” says Dr. Robbie Adler­Tapia, psychologist with the Center for Children's Health & Life Development at the East Valley Family Resource Center.

    Researcher William Hartup states,“Peerrelations contribute significantly to both social and cognitive (认知的) development.” Hartup concludes that the single best childhood predictor of adult social adaptation is not school grades or classroom behavior, butrather, how well a child gets along with other children.

    The work of Arizona State University professor of Developmental Psychology Gary Ladd proves that just as being ableto make and keep friends is beneficial to kids while the lack of friends is detrimental.

Good Friendships Don't Just Happen

    Experts agree that it is essential forchildren to establish high­quality friendships. But, researchers warn, these friendships don't necessarily just happen. Often, a good friendship begins with involvedparents.

    Psychologist Dr. Lynne Kenney Markan believes kids should be taught social skills in much the same way they are taught math and reading.

Bad Company

Many parents worry about the quality aswell as the quantity of their child's friendships. “When she was in 1st grade, her supposed ‘best friend' began calling her names and threatening to hurt her,”says Mindy Miller. “My daughter wasn't allowed to talk to or even look at other girls in her class. It really crushed her spirit. I told my daughter she didn't need a ‘friend' like that.”

    “I'll bend over backwards(拼命) to help my son get together with a friend I think is good for him,” Adler­ Tapiasays. “I don't look at it as manipulation (操纵)，just positive parental involvement.”

    Four years ago, Chris Nagele did what many other technology CEO have done before—he moved his team into an open concept office.

    His staff had been working from home, but he wanted everyone to be together. It quickly became clear, though, that Nagele had made a huge mistake. Everyone was distracted, productivity(生产率) suffered and the nine employees were unhappy, not to mention Nagele himself.

    In April 2015, about three years after moving into the open office, Nagele moved the company into a 10,000-square-foot office where everyone now has their own space — complete with closing doors.

    Numerous companies have accepted the open office. But we're 15% less productive, we have great trouble concentrating.

    Since moving, Nagele himself has heard from others in technology who say they long for the closed office lifestyle. It's unlikely that the open office concept will go away anytime soon, but some companies are following Nagele's example and making a return to private spaces.

    There's one big reason we'd all love a space with four walls and a door that shuts: focus. The truth is, we can't multitask(多任务化) and small distractions can cause us to lose focus for upwards of 20 minutes.

    What's more, certain open spaces can negatively impact our memory. We retain(保留) more information when we sit in one spot, says Sally Augustin, an environmental and design psychologist in La Grange Park, Illinois. It's not so obvious to us each day, but we offload(卸下) memories — often little details — into our surroundings, she says.

    Beside the cheaper cost, one main argument for the open workspace is that it increases teamwork. However, it's well documented(记载) that we rarely brainstorm brilliant ideas when we're just talk casually in a crowd.

    Like many other of our lives today, education has become a global enterprise. In microcosm（微观世界）, my school is proof of how global. Monkseaton High School is an ordinary state-funded school of 850 students in the unfashionable part of northeastern England. Over the past seven years it has sent 12 students to American universities — two of them to Harvard. Monkseaton has, in turn, attracted students from other countries, including Germany and Latvia. Monkseaton now almost routinely receives inquiries from students in Eastern European countries. Obviously, learning English is a big draw, but his pattern ofstudent movement was unheard of five years ago.

    The brain drain is a universal phenomenon, and countries that don't face up to the new reality will be losing some of their most precious resources. The northeast of England is its poorest region, and has experienced a severe loss of highly qualified professionals-to-be. Some of the most able 18-year-olds are going to other parts of Britain, even to other countries. What is happening here is happening to Britain as a whole. Most noticeably, there is a growing trend of British students taking degrees in American universities. This year the number will break the psychological barrier of 1,000 students for the first time.

    And what is happening at the secondary-school level is happening to higher education. Wherever they come from, today's students have a very different perspective on education from their parents. Because of television, the Internet and their travels, these students see the world as a much smaller place than their parents once did. They are more confident in accepting the challenge of moving from one country to another, from one culture to another; in many cases they can even apply to schools over the Internet. Students are also more aware of the overall cost of education and are looking for value for money. Plus, for many, education linked to travel is a better option than education at home.

    Making decisions when shopping is often tough. Even if you're satisfied with the first dress you try on, would you go on looking for alternatives, comparing styles and prices, until you drop dead?

    According to a recent Wall Street Journal column, psychology researchers have studied how people make decisions and concluded there are two basic styles.“Maximizers” are people who want the best. They like to take their time and weigh a wide range of options—sometimes every possible one—before choosing.“Satisfiers” would rather be fast than thorough. They are people who want to be good enough.

    Schwartz and his colleagues followed 548 job-seeking college seniors at 11 schools from October through their graduation in June. They found that the maximizers landed better jobs. Their starting salaries were, on average, 20 percent higher than those of the satisfiers, but they felt worse about their jobs.

    There is no right choice.“The maximizer is kicking himself because he can't examine every option and at some point had to just pick something,” Schwartz says.“Maximizers make good decisions and end up feeling bad about them. Satisfiers make good decisions and end up feeling good. ”

    Faced with so many choices in our lives, we need to learn how not to waste time and energy on our decision-making, says Jane C. Hu in Slate online magazine.Hu suggests, decrease your range of options. Once you've arrived at a decision, stick with it. Just accept that no decision is ever completely perfect, and remind yourself that it is the best you can do at the moment.

    Not all of George H.W. Bush's extended family members were invited to his Washington D.C. memorial service.

    Nearly a week after many paid their respects at the Washington National Cathedral, Sharon Bush, who was married to the 41st president's son Neil from 1980 to 2003, told Page Six that she was allegedly unable to attend the funeral after she was told by her ex-husband's secretary that there were not enough seats.

    "I was going to take the train down. I wanted to pay my respects. But I paid my respects by raising three wonderful children during a 23-year marriage," Sharon told the Outlet.

    Neil and Sharon share three children: son Pierce and daughters Ashley and Lauren Bush Lauren, who gave a reading at the funeral, where the father of three attended with his second wife Maria Andrews, whom he wed in 2004.

    While the D.C. memorial service was taking place, Sharon recalled having lunch with Lady Gaga's mother Cynthia Germanotta and publishing heiress Anne Hearst.

    Though she was snubbed from the funeral, Sharon shared photos on Instagram to honor her former father-in-law. "My girls Lauren and Ashley read scriptures at their grandfather's funeral. I feel so proud of them. May he RIP." The mother of three captioned a photo of Lauren and Ashley.

    "May he RIP," Sharon also posted on Instagram, speaking of their children's upbringing. Sharon credited herself for raising them to be charitable and public servants. "I taught them everything they know about 'points of light' by taking them to soup kitchens and homeless shelters from the time they were 4 years old. I didn't want them spoiled," she said, referencing the public service nonprofit — Points of Light, for which her ex-husband serves as chairman of the board of directors. "I did this. Neil was never around. He was always traveling," Sharon added.

That night, when Aksionov was lying on his bed and just beginning to sleep, someone came quietly and sat down on his bed. He peered(看) through the darkness and recognized Makar.

"What more do you want of me?" asked Aksionov. "Why have you come here?"

Makar Semyonovich was silent. So Aksionov sat up and said, "What do you want? Go away, or I will call the guard!"

Makar Semyonovich bent close over Aksionov, and whispered, "Ivan Dmitrich forgive me!"

"What for?" asked Aksionov.

"It was I who killed the merchant and hid the knife among your things. I meant to kill you, too, but I heard a noise outside, so I hid the knife in your bag and escaped out of the window."

Aksionov was silent, and didn't know what to say. Makar Semyonovich slid off the bed-shelf and knelt upon the ground. "Ivan Dmitrich" he said, "forgive me! I will confess that it was I who killed the merchant, and you will be released and can go to your home."

"It is easy for you to talk," said Aksionov "but I have suffered for you these twenty-six years. Where could I go now?... My wife is dead, and my children have forgotten me. I have nowhere to go..."

Makar Semyonovich did not rise, but beat his head on the floor. "Ivan Dmitrich, forgive me!" he cried. "When they flogged(鞭打) me with the knot, it was not so hard to bear as it is to see you now... yet you had pity on me and did not tell. Forgive me, devil that I am!" And he began to sob.

When Aksionov heard him sobbing, he too, began to weep. "I will forgive you!" he said. "Maybe I am a hundred times worse than you." And at these words his heart grew light, and the longing for home left him. He no longer had any desire to leave the prison, but only hoped for his last hour to come.

In spite of what Aksionov had said, Makar Semyonovich confessed his guilt. But when the order for his release came, Aksionov was already dead.