When asked about happiness, we usually think of something extraordinary, an absolute delight, which seems to get rarer the older we get.

    For kids, happiness has a magical quality. Their delight at winning a race or getting a new bike is unreserved (毫无掩饰的).

    In the teenage years the concept of happiness changes. Suddenly it's conditional on such things as excitement, love and popularity. I can still recall the excitement of being invited to dance with the most attractive boy at the school party.

    In adulthood the things that bring deep joy—love, marriage, birth—also bring responsibility and the risk of loss. For adults, happiness is complicated.

    My definition of happiness is “the capacity for enjoyment”. The more we can enjoy what we have, the happier we are. It's easy to overlook the pleasure we get from the company of friends, the freedom to live where we please, and even good health.

    I experienced my little moments of pleasure yesterday. First I was overjoyed when I shut the last lunch-box and had the house to myself. Then I spent an uninterrupted morning writing, which I love. When the kids and my husband came home, I enjoyed their noise after the quiet of the day.

    Psychologists tell us that to be happy we need a mix of enjoyable leisure time and satisfying work. I don't think that my grandmother, who raised 14 children, had much of either. She did have a network of close friends and family, and maybe this is what satisfied her.

    We, however, with so many choices and such pressure to succeed in every area, have turned happiness into one more thing we've got to have. We're so self-conscious about our “right” to it that it's making us miserable. So we chase it and equal it with wealth and success, without noticing that the people who have those things aren't necessarily happier.

    Happiness isn't about what happens to us—it's about how we see what happens to us. It's the skillful way of finding a positive for every negative. It's not wishing for what we don't have, but enjoying what we do possess.

    I am a strong believer that if a child is raised with approval, he will learn to love himself and will be successful in his own way.

    Several weeks ago, I was doing homework with my son in the third grade and he kept standing up from his chair to go over the math lines. I kept asking him to sit down, telling him that he should concentrate better. He sat but seconds later, as if he didn't even notice he was doing it, he got up again. I was getting frustrated, but then it hit me. I started noticing his answers were much quicker and accurate when he stood up. Could he be more intent while standing up?

    This made me start questioning myself and what I had been raised to believe. I was raised to believe that a quiet, calm child was a sure way to success. This child would have the discipline to study hard, get good grades and become someone important in life.

    Now those same people perhaps come to realize that their kids are born with their own sets of DNA and personality traits, and all you can do is loving and accepting them. As parents, throughout their growing years and beyond that, we need to be our kids' best cheerleaders, guiding them and helping them find their way.

    I have stopped asking my son to sit down and concentrate. Obviously, he is concentrating just in his own way and not mine. We need to learn to accept our kids' ways of doing things. Some way may have worked for me but doesn't mean we need to carry it through generations. There is nothing sweeter than being individual and unique. It makes us free and happy and that's just the way I want my kids to live their own life.

    Traffic jam and cities, it seems go hand in hand. Everyone complains about being stuck in traffic, but, like the weather, no one seems to do anything about it. In particular, traffic engineers, transportation planners, and public officials responsible for transportation systems in large cities are frequently criticized for failing to solve traffic jam.

    But is traffic jam a sign of failure? Long lines at restaurants or theater's box offices are seen as signs of success. Should transportation systems be viewed any differently? I think we should recognize that traffic jam is an unpreventable by-product of successful cities and view the “traffic problem” in a different light.

    Traffic jam occurs where there are lots of people but limited spaces. Culturally and economically successful cities have the worst traffic problems, while decaying cities don't have much traffic. New York and Los Angeles are America's most crowded cities. But if you want access to major brokerage houses（经济行）, you will find them easier to reach in crowded New York than in any other large cities. And if your company needs access to post-production film editors or satellite-guidance engineers, you will reach them more quickly through the crowded freeways of LA than through less crowded roads elsewhere.

    Despite traffic jam, a larger number and wider variety of social communications and economic dealings can be made perfect in large, crowded cities than elsewhere. Seen in this light, traffic jam is an unfortunate result of success, not a cause of economic decline and urban decay.

    So while we can consider traffic jam as increasing costs on the areas of big cities, the costs of inaccessibility in uncrowded places are almost certainly greater.

    There is no doubt that traffic jam brings the terrible economic and environmental damage in places like Bangkok, Jakarta, and Lagos. But mobility（移动性）is far higher and traffic jam levels are far lower here in the US, even in our most crowded cities. That's why, for now, we don't see people and capital streaming out of San Francisco and Chicago, heading for other cities in California, and Illinois.

    Shyness May Be Partly Inherited(遗传)

    About 92 million Americans are shy, and according to recent research about half of them inherited the trait.

    The studies were discussed at the American Psychological Convention.

    One study, by Harvard University, was of babies 21- 48 months old. It concluded that these babies had a high heart rate when shown unfamiliar people or different toys.

    Although shyness is not new, it has only recently become of interest to researchers. The first study on the genetic connection was in 1979.

    According to Warren Jones of the University of Tulsa, social relations these days are more complex. "With less ritual(仪式) and more complex situations," he said, "shyness is a national concern."

    Not all shy people are anxious and fearful, according to another study. Evidence shows that only half of shy people are tense, worried, and fearful in social situations.

    Many men use shyness as an excuse for failing in social situations, according to C.R. Snyder of the University of Kansas. "This is not true of females. Perhaps,

    American men are pressured to be assertive(自信的) and successful. So they would rather say they're shy than admit they're incompetent."

    Shy people may do very well socially after the first meeting with someone. In fact, shy people tend to be more stable.

    The psychologists said shyness seems to be cultural. Japan has the highest rating. China and Israel have the lowest rating. The United States rated in the middle.

Summer Programs for Teens

University of Maryland: TERP Young Scholars

    This program is the perfect summer camp for academically talented teenagers who want to pursue academic interests, explore career opportunities, and discover college life at the University of Maryland.

    During three weeks of intellectual exploration, teens can study with students who share similar interests, and communicate with some of the university's best teachers. Upon successful completion, students can earn three college credits.

Carpe Diem: The University-bound Adventure

    Carpe Diem supports both American and international students in applying to a university by providing private consultation. This 2-week experience also includes tours of famous East Const universities Students will also have the opportunity to build their resumes (简历) by working with writing experts.

    Great Books Summer Program

    This is a lively, warm and welcoming summer camp community of outstanding teens, who love literature and ideas. In the past eleven years, it has gathered middle and high school students from across the world to read selections from the greatest works of literature, experience heated discussions and enjoy summer camp fun with other literary-minded students. Participants can gain confidence in their ability to read a text closely and express their ideas clearly both verbally and in writing.

Zeal Travel

    We offer our teens two week and three- week long trips to Hawaii, Alaska, Australia and Spain. All trips include 15-25 hours of community service activities.

    Depending on your trip of choice, you'll be helping Hawaiians protect their forest ecosystem, caring for dogs in Spain, working with Habitat for Humanity, and much more. Every trip also includes exciting outdoor activities like surfing, driving, ice-climbing, hiking and more. The possibilities are endless and there is a zeal trip for every interest.

    Poet William Stafford once said that we are defined more by the detours(绕行路) in life than by the narrow road toward goals. I like this image. But it was quite by accident that I discovered the deep meaning of his words.

    For years we made the long drive from our home in Seattle to my parents' home in Boise in nine hours. We traveled the way most people do: the fastest, shortest, easiest road, especially when I was alone with four noisy, restless kids who hate confinement(限制) and have strong opinions about everything.

    Road trips felt risky, so I would drive fast, stopping only when I had to. We would stick to the freeways and arrive tired.

    But then Banner, our lamb was born. He was rejected by his mama days before our planned trip to Boise. I had two choices: leave Banner with my husband, or take him with me. My husband made the decision for me.

    That is how I found myself on the road with four kids, a baby lamb and nothing but my everlasting optimism to see me through. We took the country roads out of necessity. We had to stop every hour, let Banner shake out his legs and feed him. The kids chased him and one another. They'd get back in the car breathless and energized, smelling fresh from the cold air.

    We explored side roads, catching grasshopper in waist-high grass. Even if we simply looked out of the car window, at baby pigs following their mother, or fish leaping out of the water, it was better than the best ride down the freeway. Here was life. And new horizons(见识).

    We eventually arrived at my parents' doorstep astonishingly fresh and full of stories.

    I grew brave with the trip back home and creative with my disciplining technique.

    On an empty section of road, everyone started quarreling. I stopped the car, ordered all kids out and told them to meet me up ahead. I parked my car half a mile away and read my book in sweet silence.

    Some road trips are by necessity fast and straight. But that trip with Banner opened our eyes to a world available to anyone adventurous enough to wander around and made me realize that a detour may uncover the best part of a journey-and the best part of yourself.