Reaching Out to a New Friend in Starbucks

    I'm a single mom looking for a job.One morning I had grabbed my favorite spot at a local Starbucks and was going through the newspaper when I noticed a man in ragged clothing looking really untidy.I felt led to speak to this man and so I did.

    I learned that he was homeless and just wandered from place to place.Starbucks was nice enough to allow him to come in from the cold or the heat depending on the day.I also learned that he used to be an architect,but as we spoke I saw more and more that he wasn't at the fullest of mental capabilities,which made me even more upset that he didn't have a place to go.

    I sat with this man for a very long time in Starbucks calling different clinics,hospitals,shelters,police departments.He even gave me a beat up business card of a gentleman saying that was his son's phone number.It was an out-of-state number,but I called anyway but was not able to reach him.Unfortunately,all the places I called were unable to take him.

    I asked him if he was hungry and he said yes,so I went down the street to a deli（熟食店）and ordered a sandwich and drink.When I got back,my new-found friend became angry for a reason I was not aware of or maybe it was some sort of mental disturbance.All I could do was set the sandwich down and told him that I'll leave it there for him if he wanted it and I left.I walked around town for a couple of minutes and then headed back to see if he was still there.

    A man who was sitting in Starbucks most of the time when I was there came out and told me that the man ate the sandwich and that he was touched that I had sat with him like I did.It seems to me that no matter whether something goes awry（非正常的）on the surface,there is always something beautiful at a deeper level.

    I still remember my friend.I looked for him every time I was in town,but that was the last time I saw him.I hope that I had provided some glimmer of hope that he was not forgotten.

    Next time a customer comes to your office, offer him a cup of coffee. And when you're doing your holiday shopping online, make sure you're holding a large glass of iced tea. The physical sensation (感觉) of warmth encourages emotional (情感的) warmth, while a cold drink in hand prevents you from making unwise decisions—those are the practical lesson being drawn from recent research by psychologist (心理学家) John A. Bargh.

    Psychologists have known that one person's perception (感知) of another's “warmth” is a powerful determiner in social relationships. Judging someone to be either “warm” or “cold” is a primary consideration, even trumping evidence that a “cold” person may be more capable (能干的). Much of this is rooted in very early childhood experiences, Bargh argues, when babies' sense of the world around them is shaped by physical sensations, particularly warmth and coldness.

    Feelings of “warmth” and “coldness” in social judgments appear to be universal. Although no worldwide study has been done, Bargh says that describing people as “warm” or “cold” is common to many cultures, and studies have found those perceptions influence judgment in dozens of countries.

    To test the relationship between physical and psychological warmth, Bargh conducted an experiment which involved 41 college students. A research assistant who was unaware of the study's hypotheses (假设), handed the students either a hot cup of coffee, or a cold drink, to hold while the researcher filled out a short information form: The drink was then handed back. After that, the students were asked to rate the personality of “Person A” based on a particular description. Those who had briefly held the warm drink regarded Person A as warmer than those who had held the iced drink.

    “We are grounded in our physical experiences even when we think abstractly (抽象的),” says Bargh.

    Japanese students work very hard but many are unhappy. They feel heavy pressures from their parents. Most students are always told by their parents to study harder and better so that they can have a wonderful life in the future. Though this may be a good idea for those very bright students, it can have terrible results for many students who are not gifted(有天赋的) enough. Many of them have tried very hard at school but have failed in the exams and have their parents lose hope. Such students felt that they are hated by everyone else they meet and they don't want to go to school any longer. They become dropouts.

    It is surprising that though most Japanese parents are worried about their children, they do not help them in any way. Many parents feel that they are not able to help their children and that it is the teachers' work to help their children. To make matters worse, a lot of parents send their children to those schools opening in the evenings and on weekends — they only help the students to pass the exams and never teach them any real sense of the world.

    Many Japanese schools usually have rules about everything from the students' hair to their clothes and things in their school bags. Child psychologists(心理学家) now think that such strict rules are harmful to the feelings of the students. Almost 40% of the students said that no one had taught them how to get on with others, how to tell right from wrong and how to show love and care for others, even for their parents.

    Both honeybees and ants are social insects that live in groups called colonies. They survive by means of their collective intelligence. Their decision-making power is distributed throughout the group; that is, no one ant or bee makes decisions for the group. Instead, they work together. As Deborah M. Gordon, a biologist at Stanford University, says," Ants aren't smart. Ant colonies are."

    The same is true for bee colonies. Although bees and ants are quite different physically, they have a lot in common in terms of their social behavior. Specifically, honeybees and ants have similar roles within the colony, both have communication systems, and both have the capacity for learning.

    Ants communicate by using chemicals called pheromones, which can alert others to danger or to a food source. For example, when worker ants find a promising source, they let the rest of the colony know how to find it by leaving a trail of pheromones on the way back to the colony. The other ants pick up the message using their sense of smell. Bees, on the other hand, use movement to communicate with each other. Worker bees send messages to each other by means of a "dance". Different speeds and movements send different messages. For example, when worker bees called scouts go out to find a new home for the colony, they return and do a dance for the other worker bees that indicates the location of the new home and how suitable it is. The faster the scouts dance, the better the new location is.

    Honeybees and ants are both capable of learning. One Chinese study found that bees can be trained to learn and remember a route to a food source. The researchers also found that bees can be taught to recognize hidden objects and use the concepts of "sameness" and" difference" to accomplish certain tasks. Ants take this one step further. Recent American research has shown that ants not only have the ability to learn, but also can teach their foraging skills to other younger ants.

They observed that older ants accompany young ants in search of food and teach them the route and how to avoid obstacles.

    As we can see, the social behavior of honeybees and ants is quite similar. Both coordinate complex actions and accomplish crucial survival tasks by cooperating in groups consisting of many individuals. Unintelligent as they may be as individuals, as groups they often show amazing brilliance as they go about their everyday activities.

    Let us begin by saying what causes our dreams. Our dreams do not come from another world. They are not messages from some outside source. They are not a look into the future, either.

    All our dreams have something to do with our feelings, fears, longings, wishes, needs and memories. If a person is hungry, or tired, or cold, his dreams may include a feeling of this kind. If the covers on your body, such as a quilt or a blanket, have slipped off your bed, you may dream that you are sleeping on ice or in snow. The material for the dream you will have tonight is likely to come from the experience you have today.

    So the subject of your dream usually comes from something that has effect on you while you are sleeping（feeling of cold, a noise, a discomfort, etc. ）and it may also use your past experiences and the wishes and the interests you have now. This is why children are likely to dream of fairies, older children of school examinations, hungry people of food, homesick soldiers of their families and prisoners of freedom.

    To show you how this is happening while you are asleep and how your needs and wishes can all be joined together in a dream, here is the story of the experiment. A man was asleep and the back of his hand was rubbed with a piece of absorbed cotton. He would dream he was in hospital and his charming girlfriend was visiting him, sitting on the bed and feeling his hand gently!

    There are some scientists who have made a special study of why we dream, what we dream and what those dreams mean. Their explanation of dreams, though a bit reasonable, is not accepted by everyone but it offers an interesting approach to the problem. They believe that dreams are mostly expressions of wishes that did not come true. In other words dreaming is a way of having your wishes carried out.

Membership Card

    Fighting Fit is a members-only club. When you first join, we give you a computerized card. It has your name, photo and membership number on.

    Please have your card with you every time you use the club. The card is for your use only, and there is a small charge to provide a new one if you lose it. Members are permitted to bring guests to use the facilities at the club. A visiting guest fee is charged for each guest.

    Fitness Programs

    Your Fitness Program includes a meeting with one of our skilled instructors. This will happen two or three weeks after you have joined. The instructor looks at your health, your current needs and the way you live, and organizes a program suitable for you.

    Gymnasium

    Our gymnasiums are the most modern in the area and have high quality exercise equipment. For safety reasons, you must wear sportswear and trainers while exercising, and please remember to take a small towel too. It is one of our rules that you wipe the equipment after use.

    There is no limit to how long you spend in the gymnasiums, but we ask you to respect other members by only spending 20 minutes on each piece of equipment. There are experienced staff helping you in the gymnasiums at any time.

    Locker Rooms

    We have large male and female locker rooms. Please ensure that your property is kept in your locker at all times. Any belongings which are found in a locker overnight will be removed and taken to Lost Property.

    Café

    The Café offers free tea, coffee and soft drinks.

    Suggestion Box

    Members' suggestions are always welcome, and the suggestion box and forms can be found at reception. We try to respond within two days.