Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver, and the other gold.

    This song expresses a nice rule: increasing friends. Sometimes things actually work out that way. I've met adults who've said, “We've been friends since kindergarten!” A friend who has known you forever is a treasure. But friendships don't always last — especially for children.

    When I was growing up, my family moved about every three years. The advantage of this was that I got to see different parts of the world, and it made my family very close. I also learned to be pretty good at making new friends, and, to keep in touch with old friends, I became a great letter writer. But I always admired those kids who stayed in one place and kept their friends for a long time. I didn't learn that children's friendships can disappear even when no one moves until I was much older, with children of my own.

    Sometimes friendships end in quarrels and hurt feelings. But perhaps the most painful end to a friendship is the one-sided rejection — one friend turns away, or chooses someone else as a close friend, and the other child is left feeling sad and wondering why this thing happened. The end of a friendship is often sad, but it's not necessarily a bad thing. Often the end of one friendship makes more room for other friendships to grow.

“How's it going? ” I ask the barista(服务生). “How's your day been?”

    “Ah, not too busy. What are you up to?”

    “Not much. Just reading. ”

    This，small talk, is one of the key rituals(规矩）of American life. It has taken me only a decade to master.

    I immigrated to the United States in 2001, for college. I brought only my Indian experience in dealing with shopkeepers and tea sellers. In Delhi, where I grew up, when doing business, people don't ask each other how the other's day has been. They might not even smile. The customer doesn't tremble before complaining about how cold his food is. Each side believes the other will cheat him.

“God, Mahajan, you're so rude to waiters!” Tom, an American friend, said, laughing, after he watched me ordering food at a restaurant, in the West Village, years ago. Considering myself a mild and friendly person, I was surprised. Tom always asked servers how they were doing or praised their shirts or made jokes about the menu. At that time, this seemed dishonest to me. Did he really like what they were wearing?

American life is based on a principle that we like one another but won't violate one another's privacies. This makes it a land of small talk. Two people greet each other happily, with friendliness, but might know each other for years before asking basic questions about each other's backgrounds. The opposite is true of Indians. At least three people I've sat next to on planes to and from India have asked me, within minutes, how much I earn as a writer (only to turn away in disappointment when I tell them).

Living in Brooklyn and then in Austin, Texas. I made coffee shops the places of my movements. Meeting the same baristas day after day produced context, and I got practice. I was beginning to fit in. It felt good and didn't seem fake anymore.

    Charlie is a teacher and his wife, Maria is an artist. The night before last, just before the longest day of the year, Charlie was sitting in a deckchair enjoying the warm summer air when Maria touched his shoulder and he could tell immediately she was a little worried about something. He asked her what the matter was and she replied that there was a strange thing on the jacket that was hanging in the bedroom. They had both lived in the West Indies (西印度群岛) and had seen a lot of strange creatures in their house before. But now they were living in England and so Charlie just laughed and said he would have a look at the "thing".

    He walked to the bedroom. He saw a jacket hanging in the bedroom and went up to it to have a closer look at the "thing". The moment he touched it, the thing sprang into life. Now Charlie experiences fear like the rest of us but when this creature opened its wings, he jumped out of his skin and ran screaming from the room like a small child doing about 100 miles an hour.

    For a moment the next-door neighbours thought that Charlie was murdering his wife because of the noise they could hear. In fact, it was a bat that frightened Charlie.

    Eventually Charlie managed to trap the bat in a box and took it to the garden to let the bat fly. Maria, who had been playing the guitar while Charlie was upstairs, asked Charlie if he had found out what the thing was. "Oh, nothing to worry about", he said casually hoping that the terror could not be seen in his eyes, "it was just a bat."

    Leadership today is not about forcing others to do things. If this is even possible, it is short-term. If you order someone to do something against their will, they may do it because they feel they must, but the anger they feel will do more harm in the long-term. They will also experience fear.

    Fear causes the thinking brain to shut down, making the person unable to function at his or her best. If they connect you with this emotion of fear, they will become less functional around you, and you will have succeeded in not only shooting yourself in the foot, but possibly making a very good employee or partner unable to perform effectively. Fear has no place in leadership.

    The way we affect people in a lasting way is by our own character, and our understanding and use of emotion. We can order someone to do something, which may be part of the work day, or we can employ them at the emotional level, so they become fully devoted to the projects and provide some of their own motivation（积极性）.

    Today's work place is all about relationships. Anyone works harder in a positive environment in which they're recognized and valued as a human being as well as a worker. Everyone produces just a bit more for someone they like. Leaders understand the way things work. They know money is not the only most motivating factor in the work life of most people.

    The true strength of leadership is an inner strength that comes from the confidence of Emotional Intelligence-knowing your own emotions, and how to deal with them and those of others. Developing your emotional intelligence is the best thing you can do if you want to develop your relationships with people around you, which is the key to the leadership skills.

    While Chongqing is most famous for its hot pot, chuanchuan, and noodles, there is one more indispensable, delicious food offered to people in Chongqing: the fish.

    Huguo Hot­Potted Corydoras

    Perhaps Chongqing's best­loved fish restaurant, Huguo Hot­Potted Corydoras has been going for decades and is a can't­miss place for most visitors because of its special flavor. When the pot is served, you will be surprised by its look and stunned by its fragrance. The combination of the great local cuisine and low price makes this a very popular place, particularly in the evening.

    Average price per person: 78 RMB

    Address: No. 62­1, Shangda Tianwan, Yuzhong District (470m from the Gate 6 of Lianglukou Station) Xiang Yu

    Xiang Yu is a Chinese­style restaurant and extremely popular among local people for serving great fish dishes, particularly the signature Steamed Fish Head with Chopped Hot Chili. Since the dish is steamed, the hot chili flavor permeates the flesh.Just use chopsticks to dip a bit of it into the sauce and you'll find its tenderness and robust taste.

    Average price per person: 80 RMB

    Address: F4, Block C, Longfor Shidai Paradise, Changjiang 2nd Road Jipinxuan Beidu Fish Village.

    Established in Chongqing about 20 years ago, all the fish served here is prepared in one of 3 flavors total: hot­spicy, pickled, and tomato.Or, if you're up to try it, you can ask the friendly chef to blend these 3 flavors into one dish.One thing of note: the number of appetizers you get for free depends on how many fish you order.

    Average price per person: 61 RMB

    Address: No. 42, Changjiang 2nd Road, Daping Ran's Bean Salted Fish Hot­pot.

    Serving fish since the 1980's, and maintaining high quality on all terms, the restaurant's reputation has grown among the people of Chongqing. Don't judge this book by its cover, and don't let the modest decoration scare you off, the food is super delicious! The fish is stir fried in oil, which makes the skin crispy and fresh. The dish is also covered with dripping sauces, providing fragrant aromas and strong, lasting flavors.

    Average price per person: 46 RMB

    Address: Opposite of Zaoqin Village, Shipingqiao Street, Jiulongpo District (Near Sanxia Paints Company)

    Road trip

    Motorhome delivery offers great family holidays. For just $1 a day, you can hire a fully-equipped motorhome, which you deliver to a specific destination within some days and kilometers. You then hire another one to get home or take a bus or train. Your only other expense will be fuel and about $20 a day for parking fees. To learn more, visit apollocamper. com.

    Plan ahead

    For a comfortable break, flexibility with times, dates and places helps lower the cost. Find a few hotels you like, ask about their vacant rooms, then wait a few weeks and call again. If they still have rooms, you're at an advantage to ask for a better price. Lots of last-minute deals are online. Watif (watif. com. au) has deals on hotels that have dropped their prices so slow. You don't know where you're staying until it's booked, but anywhere with four or five stars has to be fairly good.

    Back to nature

    Wild camping appeals to nature lovers and costs nothing. This is forbidden on beaches and parks in most urban areas, but you can turn up in more distant area as long as nobody owns the land. You'll need to take everything with you and may need to shop on eBuy (ebuy. com. au). If you're a camping beginner, be aware of safety measures and get your questions answered on the Internet.

    Swap meet

    How about a home swap? For a $250 yearly joining cost, you can stay in someone's home in an international place of your choice while they or someone else stays in yours. Find out more at familylink.com.au.