Visitors to the grounds of New College at England's Oxford University pass under an iron gate with the advice: Manners make the man. Even after an appropriate update to: Manners make the person, it's thought-provoking(引人深思的)—especially to today's Americans.

    When we think about what makes the person—it's more likely the degree, the job, the salary. Since when do we count manners as a measure of success?

    We do know that these would make life nicer, if more tolerable. However, we forget or overlook our manners. So , it seems, does everyone else—including, unluckily, our children.

    As a university president, one of my great joys is to visit our campuses and see our students, though we're separated by different generations, interests, and, of course dressing, each student tells me something within the first few minutes that we meet: whether he or she has been taught manners. I sense this in different ways: through her words or her gestures, in the way she listens or how he refers to friends and faculty, how she greets and says goodbye, how he responds when an elderly person enters the room.

    In the absence of manners, however, I make some allowances. For instance, the many ethnic(种族的)groups that students represent often have different explanations of what makes up good manners. In other cases, some students may reject what they've learned to break from their parents and be accepted by other students. Whether students are being different or openly opposing, a recent experience I had with them tells me that there's some hope for reviving and good manners.

    Good manners don't just guarantee acceptance. Good manners open doors to deeper connections and more meaningful roles in our society. Good manners are gentle signals that show we care about one another and allow us to relate to another person in a thoughtful way but at a respectable distance.

    Obama, Lady Gaga and Steve Jobs—what do they have in common? They are, of course, all Americans. And according to a survey by social networking site baidu. com, they all best illustrate(举例说明) the word “cool”.

    But just what does it mean to say someone is “cool”? Most would answer that it is something to do with being independent-minded and not following the crowd.

    Yale University art professor Robert Farris Thompson says that the term “cool” goes back to 15th century West African philosophy. “Cool” relates to ideas of grace under pressure.

    “In Africa,” he writes, “coolness is a positive quality which combines calmness, silence, and life.”

    The modern idea of “cool” developed largely in the US in the period after World War II. “Post-war 'cool' was in part an expression of war-weariness (厌战情绪), . . . it went against the strict social rules of the time,” write sociologists Dick Pountain and David Robins in Cool Rules: Anatomy of an Attitude.

    But it was the American actor James Dean who became the symbol for “cool” in the hugely successful 1955 movie Rebel without a Cause. Dean plays a tough guy who disobeys his parents and the authorities. He always gets the girl, smokes cigarettes, wears a leather jacket and beats up bullies. In the movie, Dean showed what “cool” would mean to American young people for the next 60 years.

    Today the focus of “cool” has changed to athletics (体育运动) stars. Often in movies about schools, students gain popularity on the athletics field more than in the classroom. This can be seen quite clearly in movies like Varsity Blues and John Tucker Must Die.

    But many teenagers also think being smart is cool. Chess and other thinking games have been becoming more popular in schools.

    “Call it the Harry Potterization of America—a time when being smart is the new cool,” writes journalist Joe Sunnen.

    I've worked part time since taking early retirement ten years ago. I was inspired by an older friend. We worked for the same company, and he retired two years before I was also considered “spare”, as some companies call it.

    Soon after I left work, we had lunch together. First, he assured me that there was life after work. Then he related his own experience. He didn't want to take another full-time job, so he turned his daughter's old bedroom into a home office. He arranged for some consulting work from our old company, and he picked up more projects from other contacts. Soon he was working 20 to 30 hours a week. He wasn't making as much money. His kids were grown-up, so he didn't need as much income. “As soon as I left that job,” he told me, “my back problems went away. I started to eat better and get more exercise, I make half as much money, but I feel twice as good, and I'm twice as happy.”

    I decided to follow a similar track. At the time, my younger child almost finished college, so my parental responsibilities were winding down. We sold our old house and moved into a townhouse. I went to work for myself. And the result? Today I, too, make less money. But we make ends meet. And I feel twice as good and twice as happy.

    Our experience isn't for everybody. But a lot of people have retired early and lived to tell the tale, which proves it possible. Jack, another friend, was a salesman for a communication firm. He had a long distance to work and did a lot of traveling. He decided to leave the corporate world, in part because he had health problems and he wanted to spend more time with his family. Later, he quit his job with flexible hours and was restored to his health. And now he has found a part-time job, and he, together with his family, is leading a more relaxing life.

    Most people feel lonely sometimes, but it usually lasts only between a few minutes and a few hours. This kind of loneliness is not serious. In fact, it is quite normal. For some people, though, loneliness can last for years. Now researchers say there are three different types of loneliness.

    The first kind of loneliness is temporary. This is the most common type. It usually disappears quickly and does not require any special attention. The second kind, situational loneliness, is a natural result of a particular situation－for example, the death of a loved one, or moving to a new place. Although this kind of loneliness can cause physical problems, such as headaches and sleeplessness, it usually does not last for more than a year.

    The third kind of loneliness is the most severe. Unlike the second type, chronic(长期的) loneliness usually lasts more than two years and has no specific cause. People who experience habitual loneliness have problem socializing and becoming close to others unfortunately, many chronically lonely people think there is little or nothing they can do to improve their condition.

    Many researchers agree that the loneliest people are between the ages 18 and 25, so a group of psychologists decided to study a group of college students. They found that more than 50% of the students were situationally lonely at the beginning of the term as a result of their new circumstances, but had adjusted after a few months, 13% were still lonely after seven months due to shyness and fear. They felt very uncomfortable meeting strangers, even though they understood that their fear was not reasonable. The situationally lonely students overcame their loneliness by making new friends, but the chronically lonely remained unhappy because they were afraid to do so.

    Psychologists are trying to find ways to help habitually lonely people for two reasons: they are unhappy and unable to socialize and there is a connection between chronic loneliness and serious illness such as heart disease. While temporary and situational loneliness can be a normal, healthy part of life, chronic loneliness can be a very sad, and sometimes dangerous condition.

    Sometimes people add to what they say even when they don't talk. Gestures are the "silent language" of every culture. We point a finger or move another part of the body to show what we want to say. It is important to know the body language of every country or we may be misunderstood.

    In the USA, people greet each other with a handshake in a formal introduction. The handshake must be firm. If the handshake is weak, it is a sign of weakness or unfriendliness. Friends may place a hand on the other's arm or shoulder. Some people, usually women, greet a friend with a hug.

    Space is important to Americans. When two people talk to each other, they usually stand about two and a half feet away and at an angle (角度), so they are not facing each other directly. Americans get uncomfortable when a person stands too close. They will move back to have their space. If Americans touch another person by accident, they say, "Pardon me" or "Excuse me". Americans like to look at the other person in the eyes when they are talking. If you don't do so, it means you are bored, hiding something, or are not interested. But when you stare at someone, it is not polite.

    For Americans, thumbs-up means yes, very good, or well done. Thumbs-down means the opposite. To call a waiter, raise one hand to head level or above. To show you want the check, make a movement with your hands as if you are signing a piece of paper. It is all right to point at things but not at people with the hand and index finger (食指). Americans shake their index finger at children when they scold them and pat them on the head when they admire them.

    Learning a culture's body language is sometimes confusing. If you don't know what to do, the safest thing to do is to smile.

It was very late and everyone had left the cafe except an old man who sat in the shadow the leaves of the tree made against the electric light. In the day time the street was dusty,but at night the dew settled the dust and the old man liked to sit late because he was deaf and now at night it was quiet and he felt the difference,The two waiters inside the cafe knew that the old man was a little drunk,and while he was a good client they knew that if he became too drunk he would leave without paying,so they kept watch on him. 

"Last week he tried to commit suicide,"one waiter said. 

"Why?"

"He was in despair. "

"What about?"

 "Nothing. "

"How do you know it was nothing?" 

"He has plenty of money. "

They sat together at a table that was close against the wall near the door of the cafe and looked at the terrace(露台)where the tables were ll empty except where the old man sat in the shadow of the leaves of the tree that moved slightly in the wind. 

"The guard will pick him up,"one waiter said. 

"What does it matter if he gets what he's after?"

"He had better get off the street now. The guard will get him. They went by five minutes ago. "

The old man sitting in the shadow tapped his saucer with his glass. The younger waiter went over to him. 

"What do you want?"

The old man looked at him. "Another brandy,"he said. 

"You'll be drunk,"the waiter said. The old man looked at him. The waiter went away. 

"He'll stay all night,"he said to his colleague. "I'm sleepy now. I never get into bed before three o'clock. He should have killed himself last week. "

The younger waiter took the brandy bottle and marched out to the old man's table. 

"You should have killed yourself last week,"he said to the deaf man. The old man motioned with his finger. "A little more,"he said. The waiter poured on into the glass. "Thank you,"the old man said. The waiter took the bottle back inside the cafe. He sat down at the table with his colleague again.