The Things Successful People Do Differently

    Why have you been so successful in reaching some of your goals, but not others? If you aren't sure, you are far from alone in your confusion. It turns out that even brilliant, highly accomplished people are pretty lousy when it comes to understanding why they succeed or fail. The intuitive(直觉的) answer--that you are born with certain talents and lacking in others--is really just one small piece of the puzzle. In fact, decades of research on achievement suggests that successful people reach their goals not simply because of who they are, but more often because of what they do.

    1）Get specific.

    When you set yourself a goal, try to be as specific as possible. “Lose 5 pounds” is a better goal than “lose some weight,” because it gives you a clear idea of what success looks like. Knowing exactly what you want to achieve keeps you motivated until you get there. Also, think about the specific actions that need to be taken to reach your goal. Just promising you'll “eat less” or “sleep more” is too vague--be clear and precise. “I'll be in bed by 10pm on weeknights” leaves no room for doubt about what you need to do, and whether or not you've actually done it.

    2）Seize the moment to act on your goals.

    To seize the moment, decide in advance when and where you will take each action you want to take. Again, be as specific as possible (e.g., “If it's Monday, Wednesday, or Friday, I'll work out for 30 minutes before work.”) Studies show that this kind of planning will help your brain to detect and seize the opportunity when it arises, increasing your chances of success by roughly 300%.

    3）Know exactly how far you have left to go.

     Achieving any goal also requires honest and regular monitoring of your progress--if not by others, then by you yourself. If you don't know how well you are doing, you can't adjust your behavior or your strategies accordingly. Check your progress frequently--weekly, or even daily, depending on the goal.

    On the third Sunday in June, Americans take time to recognize and thank a special person in the family -fathers! Father's Day celebrates the importance of fathers, young and old and the men thought of as father figures.

    The words "the child is father of the man" come from William Wordsworth's poem My Heart Leaps Up. "It means people's personalities form when they are children. They will most likely have the same qualities as an adult that they had as a child.

    Used in everyday speech, one could say, "In his case, the child was father of the man; he loved nature as a child and now works as a botanist(植物学家)".

    Let's say you want to tell a child a story about something that happened long before they were born. You could say it happened when they “were just a twinkle in their father's eyes.” This expression has a humorous and dreamy feel. Here, the word “twinkle” suggests the interest your father had in your mother.

    When a much older man is interested in a much younger woman and supports her with his money, he is called he “sugar daddy.” The money part is very important-that's the sugar.

    Sometimes fathers are not a good influence or active in the lives of the children. In that case, a person may look for a father figure, a man who is not actually the person's father but who acts like one.

    The relationship between a man and his son can be complex. But the relationship between a father and daughter is often simpler. The expression “daddy's little girl” is understood to mean that, in a father's eyes, his daughter can do no wrong.

    There is usually not a dry eye at any wedding during the traditional father-and-daughter dance, especially if they are dancing to a song like Michael Buble's “Daddy's Little Girl.”

    We all know that listening to music can soothe emotional pain, but Taylor Swift, Jay-Z and Alicia Keys can also ease physical pain, according to a study of children and teenagers who had major surgery.

    The research was carried out because of a very personal experience. Sunitha Suresh was a college student when her grandmother had major surgery and was put in intensive care (重症监护). This meant her family couldn't always be with her. They decided to put her favorite music on an iPod so she could listen around the clock.

    It was very calming, Suresh says. “She knew that someone who loved her had left that music for her and she was in a familiar place.”

    Suresh could see that the music relaxed her grandmother and made her feel less anxious, but she wondered if she also felt less pain. That would make sense, because anxiety can make people more sensitive to pain. At the time Suresh was majoring in biomedical engineering with a minor (兼修) in music cognition (认知) at Northwestern University where her father, Santhanam Suresh, is a professor of pediatrics (儿科).

    So the father and daughter decided to do a study. And since Dr Suresh works with children, they decided to look at how music chosen by the children themselves might affect their tolerance for pain.

    It was a small study, involving 60 patients between 9 and 14 years old. All the patients were undergoing big operations that required them to stay in the hospital for at least a couple of days. Right after surgery, patients received narcotics (麻醉药) to control pain. The next day they were divided into three groups. One group heard 30 minutes of music of their choice, one heard 30 minutes of stories of their choice and one listened to 30 minutes of silence via noise canceling headphones.

    After a 30-minute session, the children who listened to music or books reduced their pain burden by 1 point on a 10-point scale. Sunitha Suresh says it's equal to taking an over-the-counter pain medication like Advil or Tylenol.

    The findings suggest that doctors may be able to use less pain medication for their pediatric patients. And that's a good thing, says Santhanam Suresh, as children are smaller and are more likely to suffer side effects. So the less pain medication, he says, the better.

    As I enter my 40s, I've noticed many of my parents' generation think social networking is something they are simply unable to understand. They fear that, should they try, they will somehow get it wrong; they will say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing or behave in a way that causes embarrassment. But there are some secrets of social media for them to consider.

    Here's the first secret: everyone feels this way. I recently met a young actor who was complaining that her work demands that she join Microblog, but she always feels like she doesn't have anything smart to say. It's the same resistance (抵制). I hear from the older generation, who, however, have somehow believed that age is the barrier (障碍), rather than the differences of personal taste.

    Here's the second secret: everybody uses it for more or less the same reasons. Older generations often sign up to stay in touch with children and relatives. We talk about this kind of communication like it's some old-fashioned activity, but it is exactly why younger people use social media. The truth is that most people use social media to gently keep an eye on one another, to see how those they care about are doing without needing to ring them up on the phone every night.

    And this is the last secret: everyone gets to use them in their own way. Newcomers—younger and older—who worry about “getting it right” are thinking that there's a right way to get them. But actually there isn't. Personally, I talk a lot on Microblog. And some people post nothing and they use social media every day as readers. Social media companies would rather see people decorating their networks with pictures and posts, but there's no rule against being a fly on the wall. It's also a fine way to get involved.

    Were quick to forget that the web wasn't invented by 13-year-olds; it was created by today's seniors. I'd never try forcing those with no interest in social networks to use Microblog. But don't let the talk of age divides put you off. There's nothing to stop the older generation from joining in the network their own generation created.

    Growing up, I was an extremely reserved(腼腆的) boy. I didn't have many friends in primary and middle school and rarely opened up to anyone. I didn't even ask my teacher questions in class. I was scared of the world and the people around.

    As a child, I was scared to do anything without my parents mainly because I was afraid that I would do it badly. I was getting good grades and was well-behaved, but I wasn't happy. It was my belief that I was, for some reason, unable to do the things the others kids could do. I felt inadequate.

    While in my second semester of college, I ran into some information on the Internet about something called social anxiety. I didn't really know much of the disorder. Thus I began to read about some of the symptoms and realized that social anxiety was the thing that hurt me so much.

    It is common knowledge that people with social anxiety experience nervousness in social situations. What a lot of people don't know is that one of the main causes of social anxiety is negative thinking. People having a negative idea of themselves often think that they are ugly or stupid.

    I realized what I was truly afraid of: not being good enough. I was afraid that people would look at me and would not like what they saw; I was scared of rejection. To help deal with these problems, I began to practice meditation(沉思) and other mindfulness exercises. My mind slowly began to change.

    I realized that everyone, from star athletes to noble prize winners, experiences fear in their lives. Whether people are afraid of heights, planes, spiders, or talking to girls, we all experience anxiety and fear. There is no reason for anyone to feel excluded(排除在外的) because something scares them. People with anxiety disorders might have "problems", but there is nothing wrong with them as people. They are just as humans as everyone else.

    Owen Williams and his wife befriended their eighty-year-old neighbor, Ken Watson, when they moved into their home in Wales three years ago. When their daughter, Cadi, was born a year later, Watson became a grandfather figure, taking the time to drop off Christmas presents for the child. Watson died in October.

    On Monday, Watson's daughter stopped by the Williams home with a large bag containing 14 wrapped Christmas presents her father had bought and wrapped for Cadi.

    Williams posted notes about what happened on Twitter to spread some Christmas spirit. He wrote that he wasn't sure whether he should give his daughter all the presents now, or hold onto them and give her one a year. Twitter responded in a big way, with many saying the story brought them to tears. So many people weighed in about the gifts, in fact, that Williams made a Twitter poll. So far, more than 55, 000 people have voted on how he should distribute the gifts.

    Williams, who is a social-media consultant, said the majority of people are voting for giving Cadi one present a year. He said he has no idea what is in the packages, but he's leaning toward listening to the will of the voters. "I think we're going to turn it into a Christmas story for our daughter," he said. "We'll do one a year for the next 14 years. It feels like the right thing to do now. If she opens a box of Lego when she's 16 then so be it."

    He said he was struck by how many people have responded by saying their neighbors are virtual strangers to them. "The thing that stands out to me is how few people know their neighbors," Williams said. "People are saying, 'That's so lovely. I don't even know my neighbors.' … This Christmas, take your neighbors a bottle of wine or a small gift, a token. Just say, 'Hi.' You can open a new world like we did."