阅读理解
Convincing someone to change their mind is
really the process of convincing them to change their tribe (部落). If they abandon their beliefs, they run the risk of losing
social ties. You can't expect someone to change their mind if you take away
their community too.
The way to change people's minds is to become
friends with them, to combine them into your tribe, to bring them into your
circle. Now, they can change their beliefs without the risk of being abandoned
socially.
The British philosopher Alain de Botton suggests
that we simply share meals with those who disagree with us: "Sitting down
at a table with a group of strangers has the incomparable and odd benefit of
making it a little more difficult to hate them without punishment. Prejudice
and conflict between groups of people from different nations or races feed off
abstraction. However, during a meal, something about handing dishes around,
unfolding napkins (餐巾纸) at the same moment, even
asking a stranger to pass the salt makes us less likely to hold the belief that
the outsiders who wear unusual clothes and speak in distinctive accents deserve
to be sent home or attacked. For all the large-scale political solutions which
have been proposed to ease racial or cultural conflict, there are few more
effective ways to promote tolerance between suspicious neighbours than to force
them to eat supper together."
Perhaps it is not difference, but distance that
produces tribalism and unfriendliness. As proximity increases, so does
understanding. I am reminded of Abraham Lincoln's quote, "I don't like
that man. I must get to know him better." Facts don't change our minds.
Friendship does.
The Japanese writer Haruki Murakami once wrote, "Always
remember that to argue, and win, is to break down the reality of the person you
are arguing against. It is painful to lose your reality, so be kind, even if
you are right."
When we are in the moment, we can easily forget
that the goal is to connect with the other side, cooperate with them, befriend
them, and integrate them into our tribe. We are so caught up in winning that we
forget about connecting. It's easy to spend your energy labeling people rather
than working with them.
The word "kind (family and relatives)"
originated from the word "kin (old fashion of family and relatives)."
When you are kind to someone, it means you are treating them like family. This,
I think, is a good method for actually changing someone's mind. Develop a
friendship. Share a meal. Gift a book. Be kind first, be right later.