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In the eyes of many
foreigners, Chinese are the best hosts and the worst guests in the world.
They're not really bad guests, but because the guesthost relationship in China
is much different than in some Western countries, it appears they are not nice
guests. And Western hosts sometimes look rude in the eyes of Chinese guests.
In China, guests are almost like gods. Whenever I enter a Chinese
person's home, there is always fruit on the table for me, and someone is quick
to bring me a cup of tea or water. In the West, generally the guest is not a
god. Acting according to the host's way of doing things is usual behavior for a
guest.
My wife's mother, a very
kind elderly Chinese lady, doesn't smoke. When I see some of her guests smoking
in her house, as a nonsmoker, I feel unhappy. Usually I want to stop them
directly, but I must realize that in China, to be a good host, she must not do
that. In most North American homes, if you are a guest, and the hosts are not
smokers, you should not smoke in their house. At the very least, you could ask,
"Is it OK if I smoke?" But, don't be surprised if they say, "No,
you can't smoke." In our culture, if you smoke in their home, you are a
bad guest, but if they do not allow you to smoke in their house, they are not a
rude host.
Guests in China also
have special habits. Some Western people may not adapt to these habits
very soon. Thankfully my wife is Chinese, so whenever we visit a Chinese family
she tells me to buy them a gift. However, giving a gift to a host is not always
necessary in my country. So, if you invite international guests to your house,
don't be too surprised if they don't bring you a gift.
In China, you probably
won't need to change the guesthost relationship very much because you will
probably only be the host, and Chinese are naturally very good hosts. If
Western hosts invite you to their house, try not to be too surprised if their
style of treating you is not what you have expected.