Making and Keeping Friends Is More than Child's Play

    When 6-year­-old Rachel returned to school on a recent Monday morning, her eyes immediately scanned the playground for her friend Abbie. “Though they were only separated by a weekend, the girls ran right into each other's arms and hugged,” recalls Rachel's mother Kathryn Willis of Gilbert. “It was like a scene from a movie.”

    Most parents instinctively (本能地) know that having friends is good for their child. Experts agree that friendship isnot simply child's play, but a powerful predictor of social adjustment throughout life.

A Skill for Life

  “Childhood friendships serve as a very important training ground for adulthood,” says Dr. Robbie Adler­Tapia, psychologist with the Center for Children's Health & Life Development at the East Valley Family Resource Center.

    Researcher William Hartup states,“Peerrelations contribute significantly to both social and cognitive (认知的) development.” Hartup concludes that the single best childhood predictor of adult social adaptation is not school grades or classroom behavior, butrather, how well a child gets along with other children.

    The work of Arizona State University professor of Developmental Psychology Gary Ladd proves that just as being ableto make and keep friends is beneficial to kids while the lack of friends is detrimental.

Good Friendships Don't Just Happen

    Experts agree that it is essential forchildren to establish high­quality friendships. But, researchers warn, these friendships don't necessarily just happen. Often, a good friendship begins with involvedparents.

    Psychologist Dr. Lynne Kenney Markan believes kids should be taught social skills in much the same way they are taught math and reading.

Bad Company

Many parents worry about the quality aswell as the quantity of their child's friendships. “When she was in 1st grade, her supposed ‘best friend' began calling her names and threatening to hurt her,”says Mindy Miller. “My daughter wasn't allowed to talk to or even look at other girls in her class. It really crushed her spirit. I told my daughter she didn't need a ‘friend' like that.”

    “I'll bend over backwards(拼命) to help my son get together with a friend I think is good for him,” Adler­ Tapiasays. “I don't look at it as manipulation (操纵)，just positive parental involvement.”

    Children have their own rules in playing games. They seldom need a referee(裁判) and rarely trouble to keep scores. They don't care much about who wins or loses, and it doesn't seem to worry them if the game is not finished. Yet, they like games that depend a lot on luck, so that their personal abilities cannot be directly compared. They also enjoy games that move in stages, in which each stage, the choosing of leaders, the picking-up of sides, or the determining of which side shall start, is almost a game in itself.

    Grown-ups can hardly find children's games exciting, and they often feel puzzled（迷惑的）at why their kids play such simple games again and again. However, it is found that a child plays games for very important reasons. He can be a good player without having to think whether he is a popular person, and he can find himself being a useful partner to someone of whom he is ordinarily afraid. He becomes a leader when it comes to his turn. He can be confident, too, in particular games, that it is his place to give orders, to pretend to be dead, to throw a ball actually at someone, or to kiss someone he has caught.

    It appears to us that when children play a game they imagine a situation under their control. Everyone knows the rules, and more importantly, everyone plays according to the rules. Those rules may be childish, but they make sure that every child has a chance to win.

    "You're going to do WHAT?" I asked my best friend, Julie, in alarm.

    "I'm going to try out for the cheerleading squad (啦啦队)," she said, eyes fixed on the ground. We had been best friends since second grade and we did everything together. We had made many plans about what we would do this year, but now she was going off on her own. I was sure that if she joined the cheerleading squad, she would become best friends with someone else and I couldn't stand the thought.

    "Why are you doing this? Do you really want to hang around with those girls instead of me?" I cried, my voice filled with anger.

    "It's not about the girls," Julie said. "It's about the sport. I want to be on the squad at the high school level because they win scholarships (奖学金) at state competitions, and I have a better chance if I'm on the squad here," she explained. "Besides," she added, "it's not like I'm leaving the country or something."

    "Goodbye," I marched off, leaving Julie standing with a sad look on her face.

The rest of that week I was unhappy, and I avoided Julie in the hall. I planned to watch the first game and ignore Julie. Instead, I was amazed by the enthusiasm and skill of Julie's cheering. Although she was the youngest member of the team, Julie enthusiastically led cheer after cheer. I saw how her face lit up with joy. I was stunned (目瞪口呆) as I realized that she loved the sport. Trying out for the team had nothing to do with me—maybe it was just something she wanted to do.

    I approached her shyly, but Julie smiled immediately. "Hey, you were really great." I began, and then added quickly, "I'm so sorry I've been rude to you about your joining the squad."

    Julie smiled and replied, "A group of us are going for ice cream. Why don't you come along?"

    Julie's quick forgiveness made my eyes burn, but I smiled in return. As I walked toward the cheerleaders, I realized there was room in Julie's life for all of us. We could save the competition for the game.

    In Western countries people have been using the installment plan since the first half of the twentieth century. Today, a large number of families in Great Britain buy furniture, household goods and cars by installments In the U. S. A, the figure is much higher than in Great Britain, and people there spend over 10 percent of their income on the installment plan.

    The price of an article bought on installments is always higher than the price that would be paid by cash. There is a charge for interest. The buyer pays one quarter or one third of the price as a down payment when the goods are delivered to him. He then makes regular payments, weekly or monthly, until the full price is paid up. The legal ownership of the goods remains with the seller until the final payment has been made.

    Installment buying has advantages and disadvantages. It can help couples with small incomes to furnish their homes and star housekeeping. It increases the demand for goods, and in this way helps business and employment. There is, however, the danger that when business is bad, installment buying may end suddenly, making business much worse. This may result in a great increase in unemployment. If the people on the installment plan lose their jobs, they will probably not be able to make their payments. If great numbers of people are not able to pay their installment debts, there is a possibility that businessmen cannot collect their debts and will therefore lose money. If businessmen lose money or fail to make a satisfactory profit, it becomes more likely to have a depression. This is why, in some countries,the government controls the installment plan by fixing the amount of the down payment and installments to discourage people from buying more than they can pay for on the installment plan.

Summer Programs for Teens

    University of Maryland: TERP Young Scholars

    This program is the perfect summer camp for academically talented teenagers who want to pursue academic interests, explore career opportunities, and discover college life at the University of Maryland.

    During three weeks of intellectual exploration, teens can study with students who share similar interests, and communicate with some of the university's best teachers. Upon successful completion, students can earn three college credits.

    Carpe Diem: The University-bound Adventure

    Carpe Diem supports both American and international students in applying to a university by providing private consultation. This 2-week experience also includes tours of famous East Const universities Students will also have the opportunity to build their resumes (简历) by working with writing experts.

    Great Books Summer Program

    This is a lively, warm and welcoming summer camp community of outstanding teens, who love literature and ideas In the past eleven years, it has gathered middle and high school students from across the world to read selections from the greatest works of literature, experience heated discussions and enjoy summer camp fun with other literary-minded students. Participants can gain confidence in their ability to read a text closely and express their ideas clearly both verbally and in writing.

    Zeal Travel

    We offer our teens two week and three- week long trips to Hawaii, Alaska, Australia and Spain. All trips include 15-25 hours of community service activities.

    Depending on your trip of choice, you'll be helping Hawaiians protect their forest ecosystem, caring for dogs in Spain, working with Habitat for Humanity, and much more. Every trip also includes exciting outdoor activities like surfing, driving, ice-climbing, hiking and more. The possibilities are endless and there is a zeal trip for every interest.

If you are a psychology enthusiast, you have probably heard of the famous marshmallow test （棉花糖实验）. In this task, kids are given a marshmallow, and are told that they can eat that marshmallow now, or wait a little while, and have two marshmallows instead. Some kids eat the marshmallow immediately, but most try their best to wait for two. 

When the researchers followed up with those kids later in life, children who waited longer had better life outcomes: more academic success, better social behavior, and even markers of better health. They believe those children who keep waiting are the ones with the most self-control-a key factor in success, and that's why they are so successful later. 

But what if the behavior in the marshmallow test has more to do with cultural norms than self-control?

A 2022 study tested the idea that children may decide how long to wait for rewards based on what they are accustomed to waiting for in their culture. For example, in the United States, there is no widespread mealtime custom of waiting until everyone is served. In Japan, however, there is. 

Because of this difference in norms, the researchers hypothesized that Japanese children would wait longer in the marshmallow test than the American children. This is exactly what they found later in experiments. 

But this isn't conclusive evidence; after all, maybe Japanese children actually have better self-control, or maybe they differ from American children in other ways that could explain the result. 

In the U. S. , gifts are usually given on special occasions and children usually have to wait before they can unwrap their presents. In Japan, however, gift-giving happens more often, and children usually open presents immediately. 

Given these cultural differences, scientists expected that if they ran the test with gifts instead of marshmallows, American kids would wait longer. Once again, their hypothesis was correct. 

This is a powerful result because it demonstrates the importance of culture and habit in shaping behavior. If a child waits only few minutes before giving up on two marshmallows but much longer to unwrap a gift, can we really say that child lacks self-control? I don't think so. I think it just means that they are adjusting well to their social settings.