The Lost Rules of Etiquette

        Etiquette, or good manners, used to be the glue that held society together.{#blank#}1{#/blank#}Sadly, these days it has mostly gone by the wayside. This list is several best rules of etiquette that have now disappeared.

Opening the Door

        In days gone by, a gentleman would always open doors for ladies.{#blank#}2{#/blank#}This has now almost entirely disappeared and it is pot entirely the fault of the men. I have seen women laugh at men for opening a door for them. They seem tobe confusing manners with chauvinism(大男子主义)．

Writing Thank-You Notes

        In days gone by, whenever a personreceived a gift, they would write a thank-you note as soon as possible.  {#blank#}3{#/blank#}Parents would sit children down after a birthday or Christmas and coach them in theirfirst thank-you note. It is a shame that gift giving has now become a virtualobligation and the idea of a thank-you note would be laughed at.

{#blank#}4{#/blank#}

        We seem to have completely lost theconcept of correct timing when it comes to parties these days.

{#blank#}5{#/blank#} After all, aparty normally has a guest of honor-this is usually the oldest woman present.It was considered extremely rude in the past to leave a party before the guestof honor-and once the guest of honor left, it was a signal to all that theyshould begin their own preparations to leave.

A. Arriving on Time.

B. Leaving at the Right Time.

C. People leave with various excuses.

D. It enabled people  to get on well with each other.

E. This rule was true even if the giverwas a relative.

F. It could be the lady they weredriving, or a stranger.

G. We've thrown away the concept of aguest of honor at will.

    Washington—Wild applause broke out at the Parent Teacher Association national offices when several government spokespeople announced a decision to return the subject of civics(公民学) to high school curricula nationwide.

The decision is symbolic of the new agenda to restore(恢复) the United States Constitution to its pre-Bush-era status. In a joint statement, Senators Harry Reid, Republican of Kentucky, said that the decision proves the two parties can work together on an issue of national importance.

    The announcement came following a series of school strikes organized by parents angered by a recent study by the National Opinion Research Center. The findings showed a total ignorance of government structure and citizens rights by graduating high school seniors.

    Some of the fallacious opinion and beliefs mentioned in this cross-country study included: the president has the power to interpret treaties(条约); the president is not bound（约束） by law; the vice president is independent of all three branches of government; torture（刑讯） is not a punishment and therefore cannot be considered “cruel and unusual”.

    The study noted that many students' political consciousness dated back only three years — in other words, their awareness of constitution rights had been entirely formed during the Bush administration.

    The study also found that students were growing incapable of telling the difference between living figures, historical figures, and corporate-licensed figures such as cartoon characters.

    The revived civics courses will teach students about the structure and function of each branch of government, the theory of checks and balances, theories of the role of government, and constitutional(宪法的) law.

    "We have so much work in front of us." said Los Angeles area high school teacher Roberta Morales. "Trying to develop students' sense of citizenry and the public good and undo so many self-centered individualistic messages will take great effort."

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    China dropped its decades-long, one-child policy last year to allow each family to have two children. This change has put 270 million married women of childbearing age in the position of choosing between family and work. The employers also face big challenges as more female workers will have two maternity leaves(产假) for a total of seven to eight months.

    In a survey published by classified advertising website Ganji.com, career women who might be considering having a second child were asked what kinds of pressure they might expect. More than 76 percent of the women who were questioned mentioned concerns about the financial burden of raising two children, while more than 71 percent said it would be difficult to balance career and family. In addition, nearly 56 percent said that having a second child would definitely have a negative effect on their career.

    Another survey conducted by Chongqing-based human resources website job.cq.qq.com found that over 70 percent of job seekers believe that having a second child would make females less popular in the job market, although two-thirds of the employers said the policy will make no difference in their employment of staff.

    Feng Lijuan, s senior expert on human resources at 51 job.com, a leading Chinese job finding platform, said she would not say “there is prejudice against career women.” Feng said Chinese women shoulder more family responsibility. “It is not only about maternity leave; a female employee might only fully get back to work after three to five years after having her first child.”

    Wang Yixin, a senior employment adviser, said the positive side is that more companies are trying to attract more talents by providing support to career women. “Different from before, it is not only employers choosing employees. Many talents, including professional career women, also choose employers.” said Wang. “According to our survey, many large companies are very open to their employees' choice of having a second child.”

    It warmed my heart today to walk into the Thirsty Camel downtown in the Thanksgiving Day, for a quick lunch before a haircut and library trip. Ilan, a food shop owner, said that he was refusing to take money today because it was Buy Nothing Day. To increase awareness(意识) of the stranger's over-spending nature of our society, Ilan suggested a trade for food today. He simply asked that you offer something of equal personal value for the meal you received.

    At first I was really uncomfortable, wondering if it would be fair to exchange a yet to be determined “I Owe You” (IOU) for food? What could I give him of equal value? After all, his food is the best in the town!

    We ended up writing our IOU's with promises of a book, some paintings and the offer of work in a variety of ways if he needs it.

    I think the idea isn't that the trade is “equal” so much as the importance of the kind of transaction. We put thought into our offer and we had an even greater understanding for the meals we ate.

    We don't buy a lot, especially at this upcoming time of year. We don't give gifts at all in fact. The holiday time is spent enjoying each other's company and doing things together with family and friends. This is what seems most sensible.

    Ilan is a good person. We are all lucky to have someone like this in our community.

    One day, when I was working as a psychologist in England, an adolescent boy showed up in my office. It was David. He kept walking up and down restlessly, his face pale, and his hands shaking slightly. His head teacher had referred him to me. "This boy has lost his family," he wrote, "He is understandably very sad and refuses to talk to others, and I'm very worried about him. Can you help?"

    I looked at David and showed him to a chair. How could I help him? There are problems psychology doesn't have the answer to, and which no words can describe. Sometimes the best thing one can do is to listen openly and sympathetically.

    The first two times we met, David didn't say a word. He sat there, only looking up to look at the children's drawing on the wall behind me. I suggested we play a game of chess. He nodded. After that he played chess with me every Wednesday afternoon-in complete silence and without looking at me. It's not easy to cheat in chess, but I admit I made sure David won once or twice.

    Usually, he arrived earlier than agreed, took the chess board and pieces from the shelf and began setting them up before I even got a chance to sit down. It seemed as if he enjoyed my company (陪伴). But why did he never look at me?

    "Perhaps he simply needs someone to share his pain with," I thought, "Perhaps he senses that I respect his suffering." Some months later, when we were playing chess, he looked up at me suddenly.

    "It's your turn," he said.

    After that day, David started talking. He got friends in school and joined a bicycle club. He wrote to me a few times about his biking with some friends, and about his plan to get into university. Now he had really started to live his own life.

Maybe I gave David something. But I also learned that one, without any words, can reach out to another person. All it takes is a hug, a shoulder to cry on, a friendly touch, and an ear that listens.