Mark Twain, the famous American writer and a great master of humor, liked to play jokes on others. But once a joke was played on him. One day Mark Twain was invited to give a talk in a small town. At lunch he met a young man, one of his friends.

    The young man said that he had an uncle with him. He told Mark Twain that his uncle never laughed or smiled, and that nobody and nothing was able to make his uncle smile or laugh.

    "You bring your uncle to my talk this evening," said Mark Twain. "I'm sure I can make him laugh."

    That evening the young man and his uncle sat in the front. Mark Twain began to speak. He told several funny stories and made everyone in the room laugh. But the man never even smiled. Mark Twain told more funny stories, but the old man still kept quiet. Mark Twain continued to tell his funny stories. Finally he stopped. He was tired and quite disappointed.

    Some days later, Mark Twain told another friend what had happened." Oh," said his friend, "I know that man. He's been deaf for years."

    One day an ant was drinking at a small stream and fell in. She made desperate efforts to reach the side, but made no progress at all. The poor ant almost exhausted was still bravely doing her best when a dove saw her. Moved with pity, the bird threw her a blade of grass, which supported her like a raft, and thus the ant reached the bank again. While she was resting and drying herself in the grass, she heard a man come near. He was walking along barefooted with a gun in his hand. As soon as he saw the dove, he wished to kill it. He would certainly have done so, but the ant bit him in the foot just as he raised his gun to fire. He stopped to see what had bit him, and the dove immediately flew away. It was an animal much weaker and smaller than herself that had saved her life.

    Recently there has been a discussion on a website about “what would you miss most and least if you were stuck on a desert island?”

    Here are some of the answers:

Post 1

    Steve USA—Hi, everyone. What would you miss most and least if you were stuck on a desert island? For me, it would be the changing seasons in New England. I guess this will sound stupid but I'd probably miss the rain, too. I wouldn't miss getting up at six every day to go to work, though! What about you?

Post 2

    Tomas Germany—Good question. Steve, I think I'd miss different types of bread, and shopping at the supermarket. I'd miss the food most. What would I miss least? My mobile phone—I'd like to be completely quiet—at least for a little while.

Post 3

    Paola Italy—I would miss the company of people because I know I'd like to have someone to share experiences with. I'd go mad on my own. And I sure wouldn't miss junk mail—I hate coming home every evening and a pile of junk mail in my post box.

Post 4

    Miko Japan—Hi, I would miss Manga cartoon, the Internet and Japanese food, like sushi. I'd also miss TV shows and shopping for clothes… In fact, I'd miss everything.

Post 5

    Roger UK—I would miss my daily newspaper and listening to the news on TV and radio. I'd feel very cut off if I didn't know what was happening in the world. What I'd miss least would be traffic jams in the city, particularly my journey to work.

Post 6

    Jayne Russia—Why hasn't anyone mentioned their family? I'd be lost without my husband and two kids. They're the most important for me. And I can't get started in the morning without a cup of black coffee. I wouldn't miss doing the housework!

Post 7

    Jaime Mexico—It would have to be music. I couldn't live without my music. I wouldn't miss going to school at all or doing homework!

    When I spent the summer with my grandmother, she always set me down to the general store with a list. Behind the counter was a lady like no one I'd ever seen.

    “Excuse me,” I said. She looked up and said, “I'm Miss Bee.”

    “I need to get these.” I said, holding up my list. “So? Go get them. ” Miss Bee pointed to a sign. “There's no one here except you and me and I'm not your servant, so get yourself a basket from that pile.”

    I visited Miss Bee twice a week that summer. Sometimes she shortchanged me. Other times she overcharged. Going to the store was like going into battle. All summer long she found ways to trick me. No sooner had I learned how to pronounce “bicarbonate of soda” and memorized its location on the shelves than she made me hunt for it all over again. But by summer's end the shopping trip that had once taken me an hour was done in 15 minutes. The morning I was to return home, I stopped in to get some run.

    “All right, little girl,” she said. “What did you learn this summer?” “That you're a meanie!” I replied. Miss Bee just laughed and said, “I know what you think of me. Well, I don't care! My job is to teach every child I meet life lessons. When you get older you'll be glad!” Glad I met Miss Bee? Ha! The idea was absurd.

    Until one day my daughter came to me with homework troubles. “It's too hard,” she said. “Could you finish my math problems for me?”

    “If I do it for you, how will you ever learn to do it yourself?” I said. Suddenly, I was back at that general store where I had learned the hard way to add up my bill by myself. Had I ever been overcharged since?

A

Basketball Statistician Help Wanted

     Athletic Department is looking for students to help assist staff during the Fall 2016, Winter 2016-17 and Spring 2017 semesters. Students in this position will be keeping live statistics during basketball games. Students must meet all of the following requirements:

 •Good computer skills

 •Available evenings and weekends

 •Knowing basketball rules and statistics

 Students interested in working for the Athletic Department should contact the Athletic Coordinator at their respective(各自的) campuses.

 •TP/SS Athletic Coordinator, Michael Simone, 240-567-1308

 •Rockville Athletic Coordinator, Jorge Zuniga, 240-567-7589

 •Springfield Athletic Coordinator, Gary Miller, 240-567-2273

 •Germantown Athletic Coordinator, Gauri Chavan, 240-567-6915

    An earthquake is one of the most common natural disasters. It may cause great damage. So it is wise to learn some simple safety tips to protect yourself or your family members.

    Fragile items, like those made of glass should usually be placed on a lower surface, near the ground instead of placing them on cupboards higher up. Never place them near your bed, sofas and other furniture where you would be sitting or lying down. When there is a strong movement, these pieces will fall on the floor directly and not on you.

    There is a strong chance of short circuit (短路) and fire breakouts during an earthquake. Make sure you turn off electrical connections and gas immediately when an earthquake happens.

    During an earthquake, lie beneath an object that is not easily damaged. Do not go near objects that could directly fall on you. Never use the elevator to go down. Stay inside until the shaking stops and it is safe to go outside. Research has shown that most injuries happen when people inside buildings try to go out. Use the staircases at all times.

    If you are outdoors, do not take shelter under a tree, streetlights, electric poles or tall buildings. If you are driving, stop your car and stay in a safe place. Do not park your car under a tree or any tall object.

    If trapped in debris (瓦砾堆), cover your mouth with a handkerchief or clothing. Tap on a pipe or wall so rescuers can find you. Use a whistle (哨子) if you have one. Never shout for help. Shouting can cause you to breathe in dangerous amounts of dust. Do not light a match because you may burn yourself. Do not move about or kick up dust.