When I was about 12, I had an enemy, a girl who liked to point out my shortcomings(缺点). Week by week her list grew: I was very thin, I wasn't a good student, I talked too much, I was too proud, and so on. I tried to hear all this as long as I could. At last, I became very angry. I ran to my father with tears in my eyes.

    He listened to me quietly, and then he asked, “Are the things she says true or not? Janet, didn't you ever wonder what you're really like? Well, you now have that girl's opinion. Go and make a list of everything she said and mark the points that are true. Pay no attention to the other things she said.”

    I did as he told me. To my great surprise, I discovered that about half the things were true. Some of them I couldn't change (like being very thin), but a good number I could—and suddenly I wanted to change. For the first time I got a fairly clear picture of myself.

    I brought the list back to Daddy. He refused to take it. “That's just for you,” he said. “You know better than anyone else the truth about yourself. But you have to learn to listen, not just close your ears in anger and feel hurt. When something said about you is true, you'll find it will be of help to you. Our world is full of people who think they know your duty. Don't shut your ears. Listen to them all, but hear the truth and do what you know is the right thing to do.”

    Daddy's advice has returned to me at many important moments. In my life, I've never had a better piece of advice.

    There's a curious thing about people.All of us are driven in some way or another to achieve—we want to run faster,be more creative,win more awards,and earn more money.But here's the thing: if you want to offer warm words of wisdom,constructive criticism or "360-degree feedback",then think again.Most of us would rather not hear it.

    Our easily-broken egos（自尊心）are partly to blame.We all want to meet our own expectations of ourselves,and so being critised can present a huge threat to our egos.Yet as decades of psychological theory and research have indicated,people have endless tricky strategies of remaining positive in the face of criticism.For this reason,rather than us welcoming feedback with open arms,our first response is often an automatic defense.These reactions serve to make us feel better about ourselves.

    Psychological research exposes this unhealthy appetite for ignorance.In one study,students watched a false educational film about a serious disease called "TAA Deficiency".In fact,TAA Deficiency is completely fictional,but the students were not told this information;instead,they were asked whether they wished to provide a cheek test for assessing（评估）their risk of developing the disease.Half of the students were told that if they ever developed TAA Deficiency,then the treatment would involve them taking a two-week course of pills.Of this group,52% agreed to provide the cheek test.The other half of students learned the treatment would involve taking the pills for the rest of their lives.Of this group,only 21% agreed to the test.

    These findings show a common pattern seen in other studies within and beyond the context of healthcare.That is,people are especially resistant to hearing feedback when they believe it could force them to do something difficult or unpleasant.

I Was the Doughnut Lady

    In university I had a part-time job at a shop that sold doughnuts and coffee. Situated on a block where several buses stopped, it served the people who had a few minutes to wait for their bus.

    Every afternoon around four o'clock, a group of schoolchildren would burst into the shop, and business would come to a stop. Adults would glance in, see the crowd and pass on. But I didn't mind if the children waited for their bus inside. Sometimes I would hand out a bus fare when a ticket went missing-always repaid the next day. On snowy days I would give away some doughnuts. I would lock the door at closing time, and we waited in the warm shop until their bus finally arrived.

    I enjoyed ray young friends, but it never occurred to me that I played an important role in their lives—until one afternoon when a man came and asked if I was the girl working on weekdays around four o'clock. He identified himself as the father of two of my favorites.

    “I want you to know I appreciate what you do for my children. I worry about them taking two buses to get borne. It means a lot that they can wait here and you keep an eye on them. When they are with the doughnut lady, I know they are safe.” I told him it wasn't a big deal, and that I enjoyed the kids.

    So I was the Doughnut Lady. I not only received a title, but became a landmark.

    Now I think about all the people who keep an eye on my own children. They become, well, Doughnut Ladies. Like the men at the skating rink (滑冰场) who let my boys ring home; Or the bus driver who drove my daughter to her stop at the end of the route at night but wouldn't leave until I arrived to pick her up; Or that nice police officer who took pity on my boys walking home in the rain when I was at work—even though the phone rang all the next day with calls from curious neighbors. “Was that a police car I saw at your house last night?”

    That wasn't a police car. That was a Doughnut Lady.

Do you believe that things are connected for no scientific reason at all? For example, do you avoid saying the word "four" to avoid bad luck? If so, you have a superstition (迷信). And you're not alone – all kinds of people have them.

For example, Portugal's soccer superstar Cristiano Ronaldo always steps onto the pitch (球场) with his right foot first, according to The Telegraph. And sports players are not alone in having superstitions. A visitor once asked the Nobel Prize winning scientist Niels Bohr whether he really believed that the horseshoe he'd hung at his country home was lucky. "Of course not," the Danish physicist said. "But I understand it's lucky whether you believe in it or not."

One recent study found that even scientists at MIT and other top US schools tended to look for a meaning in natural events, similar to the connection between stepping on the pitch and playing soccer well, according to The Atlantic. When the researchers gave the scientists little time to answer questions, they were twice as likely to agree with statements such as "Trees produce oxygen so that animals can breathe" as they were when they had more time to think about their reply.

It seems that fear can make people think differently in this way, too. In a British study, students imagined meeting a "witch" who said she would cast (施魔法) an evil spell(符咒) on them. About half said a scientist should not be worried about the spell. Yet each of them said that, personally, they wouldn't let the witch do it to them.

So why are so many of us superstitious? Well, it seems to be our way of dealing with the unknown. "Many people quite simply just want to believe," Brian Crank, a professor of psychology at Missouri Western State University, said in a 2008 interview. "The human brain is always trying to work out why things happen, and when the reason is not clear, we tend to make up some pretty bizarre (古怪的) explanations."

    And these explanations aren't completely unhelpful. In fact, superstitions can sometimes work and bring real luck, according to psychologists at the University of Cologne in Germany in the May 2010 issue of the journal Psychological Science. They found that believing in something can improve performance on a task like an exam.

    So, what about you? What superstitions do you follow to keep you safe and successful?

    I was with a group of businessmen, and we were dealing with a question — what is a good person?

    At a certain point during the discussion, one of the students, a young man of about 30, described an event that happened at Christmas. He and his five-year-old son were decorating the Christmas tree, and a little boy came to the front door begging. If you ever visit Mexico, you will see that the people there take begging as nothing to get upset about and nothing to get embarrassed by.

    So, this little boy came to the door, a boy about the same age as my student's son. The father and the son went to the front door, and the father went back with his five-year-old son and said to him, “Give him one of your toys.” At the words, the little boy quickly picked up one toy, and his father said to him, “No, no, give him your favorite toy.”

    And the little boy, like a little tiger, said, “No way!” He cried; he refused. But the father, like a big tiger in a way, insisted gently, “No, you must give him one of your favorite toys.”

    And finally the boy, with his head down, picked up a toy he had just gotten. The father waited in the living room, and the boy walked to the front door with the toy in his hand. The father waited and waited.

    What do you think happened?

    After a couple of minutes, his son came running back into the living room, his face lighted up. “Daddy,” he said, “can I do that again?” I think I have got the answer to the question.

    Sweat (汗水)rail its way down my cheek. It was hot, but the air was still and wet. One final play and the State Softball Championship was ours.

    I looked towards people who were watching the game. Sure enough, I found my mom. I always wished my dad were here. The farm needed his full attention, but I did not care.

    Finally, we won! State Champs! I let out a scream of happiness, fall of tears. My mom made a “V” to celebrate my success and smiled. I smiled back at her.

    We all received medals (奖牌), but I cannot remember any of it. I concentrated my thoughts on my dad, I ran to my mom, asking for her cell phone. I had to tell my dad about the happiest day of my life, and complained (抱怨）about how he did not care.

    The phone rang twice, and no one answered. My heart sank with sadness, but I tried again anyway.

    “Hello?” My dad answered.

    “Dad!” I cried. “We won State!” Silence.

    “Dad?” I could hear something on the other end. “Are you crying?”

    “I'm just really happy for you, Meggie,” he said. “And I'm sorry I couldn't be there.”

    An apology（抱歉）was all I needed. I hung up the phone feeling relaxed, and I began to understand how it must feel to be a father. I forgave him for never being there. He worked so I could play. My father loved me enough to let me experience life^ happiest moments without him.