Parents often think that time spent with their kids will gradually decrease in adolescence. But a new study suggests that while teens try to avoid spending a lot of time together with their parents, private parent-child meetings may actually increase in their early adolescent years. And that may raise a teenager's self-esteem (自尊) and social confidence, especially if it is the time that spent with Dad, the researchers added. The researchers created a long-term study in which they invited families in 16 school districts in central Pennsylvania to participate. In each family, a teenager, a younger sibling (兄弟姐妹), their mother and their father were interviewed at home and then asked about their activities and self-worth five times over a period of seven years.

    The study authors were surprised to discover that when fathers spent more time alone with their teenagers, the kids reported they felt better about themselves. Something about the father's role in the family seemed to improve self-esteem among the teenagers in the study, said study co-author Susan McHale, a professor of human development at Pennsylvania State University.

    “Time with Dad often involves joking, teasing, and other playful interactions. Fathers, compared to mothers, were more involved in leisure activities and had more peer-like interactions with their children, which is crucial for youth social development,” the study showed. But Marta Flaum, a psychologist in Chappaqua, New York, said, “How these findings reflect the real world is a real question. The sample in the study is so small and so unrepresentative of most families in the country today that I'm not sure how much we can generalize from it. In my community in Westchester County, I don't see parents and teenagers spend much time together at all. Parents are often working so hard and have less time to be together with their kids.”

    However, Flaum encourages parents to make time for their kids no matter how much work they have to do. “Research like this reminds us of how important it is. The time we have with them is so short,” she said.

    We walked in so quietly that the nurse at the desk didn't even lift her eyes from the book. Mum pointed at a big chair by the door and I knew she wanted me to sit down. While I watched, mouth open in surprise, Mum took off her hat and coat and gave them to me to hold. She walked quietly to the small room by the lift and took out a wet mop (拖把). She pushed the mop past the desk and as the nurse looked up, Mum nodded and said, "Very dirty floors."

    "Yes, I'm glad they've finally decided to clean them," the nurse answered. She looked at Mum strangely and said, "But aren't you working late?"

    Mum just pushed harder, each swipe of the mop taking her farther and farther down the hall. I watched until she was out of sight and the nurse had turned back to writing in the big book.

    After a long time Mum came back. Her eyes were shining. She quickly put the mop back and took my hand. As we turned to go out of the door, Mum nodded politely to the nurse and said, "Thank you."

    Outside, Mum told me, "Dagma is fine. No fever. "

    "You see her, Mum?"

    "Of course. I told her about the hospital rules, and she will not expect us until tomorrow. Dad will stop worrying as well. It's a fine hospital. But the floors! A mop is no good. You need a brush. "

    My son was a second-grader. He went to school by bus every day. He was the first student on in the morning, as we were farthest from school, and the last student off in the evening. I was a teacher myself and it was a comfort to realize the school staff (职员) were all working as hard as I was to provide a safe learning environment.

    One day I came home from work and waited for my son to get home for a long time. Then I called the school. "Perhaps he's just a bit late," said the secretary. "I will call the driver to see if those children are home." A few minutes later, I answered the phone to hear that the other students were home. Then I called his friends' parents, to see if perhaps he had gotten off at their stop to play. The answers were all "No."

    By that time, it was dark and I was scared. My home was in the mountain areas, and it was said that a wolf had come up somewhere. My husband wasn't at home, so I forced myself to calm down and decided to go out to look for him. I was about to go out when the telephone rang; it was from the driver. "He's okay," I heard. "He was asleep on the seats in the back, under a couple of jackets. Since it's dark, can he spend the night with my family?"

    I was relieved and agreed. Since my son had a great adventure, the school started giving a copy of the list to the driver, so he could check off the children's names when they got off the bus. I think highly of the school for taking the cautionary (警戒的) step ahead; it is a sign of their concern for students, parents, and staff.

    Closeness and independence are both important in our life. Though all humans need both of them, women tend to focus on the first and men on the second. It is as if their lifeblood ran in different directions.

    These differences can give women and men differing views of the same situation, as they did in the case of couple I will call Tracy and Brian. When Brian's old high school friend called him at work and announced he'd be in town on business the following month, Brian invited him to stay for the weekend. That evening he informed Tracy that they were going to have a houseguest, and that he and his friend would go out together the first night to chat like old times. Tracy was upset. She was going to be away on business the week before, and the Friday night when Brian would be out with his friend would be her first night home. But what upset her the most was that Brian had made these plans on his own and informed her of them, rather then discussing them with her before extending the invitation.

    Tracy would never make plans, for a weekend or an evening, without first checking with Brian. She can't understand why he doesn't show her the same courtesy and consideration that she shows him. But when she protests, Brian says, "I can't say to my friend, 'I have to ask my wife for permission'!"

    To Brian, checking with his wife means seeking permission, which implies that he is not independent, not free to act on his own. To Tracy, checking with her husband makes her feel good to know and show that she is involved with someone, that her life is bound up with someone else's.

    Tracy and Brian both felt upset by this incident because it cut to the core of their primary concerns. Tracy was hurt because she sensed a failure of closeness in their relationship: He didn't care about her as much as she cared about him. And he was hurt because he felt she was trying to control him and limit his freedom.

Magical History Tour

    Join us for our fifth annual exploration of fascinating historic sites around Greater Portland that you've never seen or maybe didn't even know existed! The Magical History Tour is your key to unlocking fascinating historical places that are not usually open to the public. It is a self­guided adventure guaranteed to amaze and amuse both adults and children. Equipped with a map, and at your own pace, you will be greeted by guides at each location ready to share the history of the tour stop.

    In the 5th year of the Magical History Tour, we will be presenting an exciting mix of both new sites and favorites from the past four years.

    The Magical History Tour check in begins at 9: 45 am at Maine Historical Society's Brown Library. At this time, you will find out where the tour will take you as you receive your map and ticket into each site.

    Follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram for updates, chances to win tickets and some other exciting opportunities; and feel free to share your tour experiences to our social media pages using # MHStour!

    ●Time: 10: 00 am—4: 00 pm, Saturday, May 11, 2019

    ●Location: 485 Congress Street

    ●Tickets: Get your tickets online, by calling us at 207­774­1 822, or by visiting our Museum Store at 489 Congress Street. $25／Adult  MHS  Member; $35／Adult General Admission; $5／Juniors under age 18.

    ●Volunteering: We need volunteers for the Magical History Tour! Volunteers help for half the day of the tour and are given a free ticket to the tour to enjoy either before or after their volunteer shift!

    For more information, email us at events@mainehistory org or call us at 207­774­1822.

    "When someone is rude to you, it can put you in a bad mood. It may even lead you to be rude to someone else, creating a chain of rudeness. In fact, this troubling chain may even be caused by simply seeing someone be rude to another person. You don't even have to be the target of the had behavior," stated a researcher.

    The researchers worked with 81 persons, with occupations ranging from security to business to medicine, who were asked to complete online surveys over a 10-day period. Participants recorded their moods when they woke up; and in the evening, they described their experiences over the course of that day.

    Each morning the participants also viewed a short video, describing workplace interaction of some kind. Half of the mornings, the video included some kind of rudeness while the other half had some kind of warm interaction in the workplace. Rudeness was conveyed through various means, including a lack of eye contact or unpleasant language.

    Participants who watched the rudeness videos reported seeing or experiencing rudeness during the day, and they were also more likely to escape from fellow employees to avoid being the victims of rudeness themselves. They reported their overall work suffered that day as a result.

    Not all participants were affected by the rudeness videos, however. A few weeks before the study began, the participants completed an evaluation that measured their self-confidence and emotional stability among other things. The participants who scored higher on this evaluation were significantly less likely to be influenced by the rudeness.

    Consequently, one of the researchers recommended that companies hire managers who can limit exposure to rudeness, provide plenty of positive reinforcement (强化) and build a civil workplace environment. This, in turn, could help employees build their confidence levels and help them better handle workplace rudeness.